My Boyfriend , Atlas .

2.

"I am going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call it Eternity."

Polish émigré Jerzy Kosinski was known as one of the great writers of the 20th century. He turned his traumas of escaping the Holocaust into controversial novels including The Painted Bird, Steps, and Being There. He suffered from multiple medical conditions and serious depression, and the author also faced allegations of plagiarism.

On May 3, 1991, he penned a brief note beore he reportedly ingested drugs and alcohol and stepped into his full bathtub.

The note read :

"

I am going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call it Eternity."

"Mutuleni ...doctor please ! Save my baby ..." , was the last desperate cry I heard from my mother before I passed out . This was it , I was going to die. Death would come pick me up in a coffin shaped limousine and drive me straight to hell with the song " I got you" by bebe Rexha playing in the background.

I felt myself sinking into oblivion , a dark scary empty pit of void . Was this how death felt like ?

I let myself fall , as I heard the machines in the hospital room beep rapidly , lights flashing and foot prints running frantically all around me , trying to save my dying soul.

This was it death . I shut my eyes tight and hoped maybe ... just maybe I would go to heaven and play cards with Saint Peter.

The noise got really intense , beeping sounds all around . ... hurried frantic steps ..Followed by a really long beep.. then ackward silence.

That was the last thing I remember before everything went black .

***

Doctor Banda said I had been out for 2 days. He said I was one of the lucky ones . What ever that meant . He said he was just checking out my vitals and I'll probably be good to go home at the end of the week .

" home...???" , I asked weakly .

" yeah your parents have agreed to take you home with them until the hospital has deemed you mentally fit to go out into the world again. Your mother is outside waiting for you.... would you like to see her ? "

I nodded my head grimly. I was never going to hear the end of it all. Another thing to add to her list of things she finds embarrassing about her daughter.

"wachitanji, mwana wanga wokondedwa? What have you done , dear daughter? " , she said in her thick chewa .
Tears flooding her eyes , she held my body in an embrace. My mother had never hugged me in 20 years . It was a hug that felt like many things . It felt like a little farm by the banks of the river Zambezi, it felt like the Rapids running within the waters , like a warm meal , it also felt like grief and regret ...like longing for something... reaching out for something but most importantly it felt like home .

" mum I'm sorry..... I didn't mean to..." ,I said

"Hush Baby ..... it's not your fault ..."

" it is ...."

" Maybe its mine I pushed you too hard about the babies didn't I?"

"No...."

" I wish I hadn't....." , she sighed .

That ladies and gentlemen is as close as an African parent Will ever get to saying there sorry . Ever.