Summer Fling

fourteen

Needless to say, we didn't fix anything like Catalina had told Dr. Belford we would. But, that didn't really matter. Despite our lack of busy conversations, we pretended that we were fine at work, and Dr. Belford didn't seem to suspect anything.

  Catalina had basically left me with a proposition: choose my ignorance or choose her. 

I obviously want to choose her, but then my mind wanders to the past and it makes me feel conflicted. On one hand, it was amazing but on the other hand, I have severe underlying guilt about it all.

  "Am I supposed to ignore my guilt?" I ask myself.

  "What?" Dr. Belford asks me, listening in on the question that I had selfishly assumed I had asked myself quietly.

I've always had a strange habit of speaking to myself at times, but knowing that he heard me is admittedly, extremely embarrassing.

  "Nothing," I say.

"You should do whatever feels right," Catalina tells me. "Don't keep anyone waiting too long for your answer."

I know her comment is directed at our situation, and I swallow the words that I'm about to say because they would only cause more harm.

Don't pressure me.

Her bothering me only makes things worse, and it reminds me of how undecided I am. I attempt to push away the thoughts of it as far away as possible, and instead focus on my task at hand.

"Go check the patient's vitals," Dr. Belford tells me.

I nod my head and as I'm walking to the patient's side, I start to feel unsteady.

It starts out slow, and then ends up being a rapid process in which my vision starts to get blurry. The background noise around me begins to sound distant and faded, as if I'm getting farther and farther away from it all. My body feels weak, and I think I might throw up.

"Are you okay?" Catalina asks me, right away rushing to my side.

I feel lightheaded and I try to respond, but nothing comes out of my mouth.

The last thing I see is her face before I fall, heading into the darkest night ever.

***

When I wake up, I'm connected to a machine. I'm disoriented but as I look around, I realize that I've been placed in a hospital room. And, I'm not alone.

"What happened?" I ask aloud.

"You fainted," Catalina tells me, walking into the room with a bright drink in hand.

She hands me the glass full of liquid characterized by numerous red and pink shades, and I take it without hesitation. As I consume it all up, I realize that it's an energy drink, which is there to give me more energy. Something that I've been missing recently.

Like the science nerd I am, my brain immediately starts to wander over the causes and effects of energy drinks, both short and long term. But with Catalina's direct gaze on me, I can barely focus.

"Why?"

"I'm sure you're already aware of the fact that you weren't eating enough and you were dehydrated," she says.

I shift uncomfortably as she stares at me, trying to get more real words out of me. I'll admit that I haven't been living my best life, but that doesn't mean that I suddenly want to act like I'm in some therapy session.