I anxiously tap my fingers against my desk as the students complete their work. At the moment I constantly feel on edge and as though my head is racing at 300k/h with no sign of slowing. My eyes meet Lorraine's for a moment but we quickly look away. I want to be there for her, but it's so difficult to offer any kind of support when I haven't a clue how we're going to make it through this. The only thing in this huge mess that I'm certain of is that I cannot give up what may well be my only opportunity to have a biological child. No matter how inconvenient the circumstances are.
More and more students begin to drop their pens and I sigh knowing I'm going to have to stand up and teach again. I change the slide on the board and stand up from my desk.
"Okay, now most of you have finished that task, we'll move on" I say, my tone flat and unengaging. I don't have the energy to bother trying to make this interesting. Everything I have is going on not having a total freakout.
"In the next section of the book" I begin "We can see a significant shift in George's character from-" I pause as Lorraine stumbles towards me, my brows furrowing in confusion.
"M-Mr Bang c-can I-" she doesn't manage to finish her sentence. A spray of vomit erupts from her mouth, coating my torso. A chorus of groans of disgust rise from the class and I freeze, unsure of what to do next. The smell reaches my nostrils and I gag, but my attention is soon diverted by Lorraine sprinting out of the room. Even as her teacher, I feel it's acceptable to chase after her.
She's been telling me every morning for the past few days that she feels sick, but I guess it's expected. As far as I know, she hasn't actually vomited before now. I want to be by her side and support her, even if I am covered in her puke.
"Sanha, go find Ms Lee and get class cover. Chae, you're in charge whilst I'm gone. I expect you all to behave" I order before rushing out of the room. The nearest bathroom is the disabled one so I'm not surprised to find Lorraine there.
"I'm so sorry" she sobs as I enter, her head buried in the toilet bowl.
"Baby" I sigh, locking the door behind me. I kneel besides her and rub her back, cautious not to let the vomit transfer from my clothes to her own.
"You don't need to be sorry. I know you didn't mean to" I assure her. "If anything, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're feeling like this and we're stuck in this predicament." I hold her hair out of her face as she vomits again.
Her sorry state brings tears to my eyes as I can't help but feel like I'm the reason for her suffering. Not only because I got her pregnant, but because I'm the one insisting on going through with it. She claims she wants it too, but I know I can't be sure. She probably just feels bad knowing how desparately I'm clinging to this opportunity since it could be my only one.
"Are you okay?" I ask even though I know it's a dumb question.
"This sucks so much" she cries. She lifts her head from the bowl and slumps back against the wall. I hand her a wad of toilet roll to wipe her mouth with and stroke her thigh.
"I'm so sorry there isn't more I can do, darling" I say.
"I'm so embarrassed. I can't go back into class" she sniffs.
"You don't have to. I'll take you to the nurse and get you sent home. I just need to change out of this shirt first"
Our heads turn towards the door as there's a knock at it.
"Lorraine?" A voice calls from the other side. "Are you in there? It's Ali, H text me. Are you okay?"
"Should I let her in?" I ask Lorraine quietly. She nods so I open the door and quickly close it again once Ali is inside.
"Hey sweetie" Ali exhales as she sits down next to Lorraine. She pulls a face as she notices my shirt. Lorraine rests her head on her shoulder, immediately cuddling up to her.
"Are you guys okay?" She asks, directing the question at me.
"We've been better I guess. This situation just sucks so much. I wish there was more I could do" I explain.
"Yeah... It's not the best" she replies. I kinda figured that most of our relationship details are relayed to Ali. Lorraine told me before she left the night we found out about the pregnancy that she would be telling Ali and I don't mind. So far she's been a great help in keeping us a secret. Plus I know it makes a big difference to Lorraine that she has someone she can talk to and get support from.
"I'm going to go change and check on the class if that's okay" I say as I take Lorraine's hand.
"Okay. You'll stay though, right?" She asks Ali.
"Yeah of course" she replies. I bring Lorraine's hand to my mouth and kiss it.
"I love you" I mumble into it before standing back up to leave.
"I love you too" she mutters as I slink back out into the corridor.
Lorraine's POV
The moment the door closes I burst into tears, burying my face in Ali's shoulder.
"Oh honey" she sighs, an element of surprise in her voice at my sudden outburst.
"This is so shit" I sob as her hand runs through my hair, holding my head close. I love Chan so much, and one day I'd love to have a family with him. But this just so isn't it. Only having two people in my whole life who know? Having to keep it from everyone I love? Throwing up in the middle of class? Really not it.
don't want to get rid of the baby. But I also don't want to be pregnant anymore. I don't want to upset Chan. But I don't want to do this. I continue to bawl onto Ali's shoulder as I struggle to find any way of being okay with this. I don't feel nauseous anymore. Not from being pregnant at least. Instead, my stomach knots with anxiety and embarrassment.
"Are they gonna send you home?" Ali asks.
"Yeah, Chan said he'd take me to the nurse. But how am I gonna explain this to my parents? And I don't wanna go home, not alone. But I don't wanna go back to class either" I wail.
"It's okay, I think I have a way to get around it. I'll come home with you if you want too" she offers.
"Would you mind?" I sniff. I feel like such a burden, but I hate being sick and I don't want to be alone. Plus I'm living on the verge of a breakdown at the moment and having someone who's not Chan besides me would certainly help me feel more stable. Ali is a good listener when it comes to my ranting.
"Of course not" she responds. "I had plans with H tonight but I'll cancel. Do you still feel sick?"
"Not really. I just feel like a massive idiot"
"I know it's embarrassing but you can't help it"
"I guess not. But people aren't going to forget it easily. Are you sure H will understand you cancelling?"
"Yeah he'll be fine with it"
"But he doesn't know why I'm sick. How come he text you anyway?"
"Um well, he just knows you're one of my best friends so he knew I'd care. And trust me, he doesn't need to know you're pregnant. The fact that you threw up and need me to look after you is enough"
"I guess so yeah. You don't think he'll get suspicious?"
"No I doubt it. I can tell him the same lie I'll tell your parents. I should probably tell our friends that too"
"Yeah. My phone has been going mental since you got here. I'm guessing you told them I was sick"
"No I didn't. I guess it will have been Lucas" she shrugs.
"Yeah" my phone continues to buzz in my pocket, but I don't want to check it. I know they will just be sympathetic but that will only make me feel worse for lying to them all.
Just as I'm wiping my tears and trying to sort myself out, there's a knock at the door.
"It's only me" Chan says. "Can you let me in?"
Ali stands up to unlock the door. Chan enters wearing a grey hoodie that's obviously not his size.
"Where did you get that?" I sniff.
"Hyunggu leant me it. It's all he had. I've got nothing underneath, but I've only got one period then I can go home on my lunch to change" he explains. My stomach knots again with guilt. He's going to have to teach another class dressed like that and have everyone asking questions. And because of me. I just want to get out of here. Go home where no one can look at me.
"I'm so sorry" I mumble as I feel the tears returning.
"Baby no" he coos, sitting down besides me and pulling me into his lap. "I'm sorry that you're feeling like this. You don't have to be embarrassed"
"But what is everyone else gonna say" I reply.
"I don't care. It doesn't matter. Your friends will stick up for you, and anyone who laughs is just immature"
"Yeah honestly Lorraine don't worry. Even though our friends don't know the real reason you're sick, they'll stick up for you" Ali assures me. "And I will too. So will H"
"Thank you" I sniff.
"Chan, I'm gonna go home with Lorraine because she doesn't want to face her parents alone. Is that okay?" Says Ali.
"Yeah that's great thank you" he replies then turns to me. "I'm sorry I can't come with you baby. I'll call you tonight, yeah?"
I nod in response and nuzzle up to him, not wanting him to leave. Ali helps me up and Chan stands behind me.
