I anxiously tap my fingers against my desk as the students complete their work. At the moment I constantly feel on edge and as though my head is racing at 300k/h with no sign of slowing. My eyes meet Lorraine's for a moment but we quickly look away. I want to be there for her, but it's so difficult to offer any kind of support when I haven't a clue how we're going to make it through this. The only thing in this huge mess that I'm certain of is that I cannot give up what may well be my only opportunity to have a biological child. No matter how inconvenient the circumstances are.
More and more students begin to drop their pens and I sigh knowing I'm going to have to stand up and teach again. I change the slide on the board and stand up from my desk.
"Okay, now most of you have finished that task, we'll move on" I say, my tone flat and unengaging. I don't have the energy to bother trying to make this interesting. Everything I have is going on not having a total freakout.
"In the next section of the book" I begin "We can see a significant shift in George's character from-" I pause as Lorraine stumbles towards me, my brows furrowing in confusion.
"M-Mr Bang c-can I-" she doesn't manage to finish her sentence. A spray of vomit erupts from her mouth, coating my torso. A chorus of groans of disgust rise from the class and I freeze, unsure of what to do next. The smell reaches my nostrils and I gag, but my attention is soon diverted by Lorraine sprinting out of the room. Even as her teacher, I feel it's acceptable to chase after her.
She's been telling me every morning for the past few days that she feels sick, but I guess it's expected. As far as I know, she hasn't actually vomited before now. I want to be by her side and support her, even if I am covered in her puke.
"Sanha, go find Ms Lee and get class cover. Chae, you're in charge whilst I'm gone. I expect you all to behave" I order before rushing out of the room. The nearest bathroom is the disabled one so I'm not surprised to find Lorraine there.
"I'm so sorry" she sobs as I enter, her head buried in the toilet bowl.
"Baby" I sigh, locking the door behind me. I kneel besides her and rub her back, cautious not to let the vomit transfer from my clothes to her own.
"You don't need to be sorry. I know you didn't mean to" I assure her. "If anything, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're feeling like this and we're stuck in this predicament." I hold her hair out of her face as she vomits again.
Her sorry state brings tears to my eyes as I can't help but feel like I'm the reason for her suffering. Not only because I got her pregnant, but because I'm the one insisting on going through with it. She claims she wants it too, but I know I can't be sure. She probably just feels bad knowing how desparately I'm clinging to this opportunity since it could be my only one.
"Are you okay?" I ask even though I know it's a dumb question.
"This sucks so much" she cries. She lifts her head from the bowl and slumps back against the wall. I hand her a wad of toilet roll to wipe her mouth with and stroke her thigh.
"I'm so sorry there isn't more I can do, darling" I say.
"I'm so embarrassed. I can't go back into class" she sniffs.
"You don't have to. I'll take you to the nurse and get you sent home. I just need to change out of this shirt first"
Our heads turn towards the door as there's a knock at it.
"Lorraine?" A voice calls from the other side. "Are you in there? It's Ali, H text me. Are you okay?"
"Should I let her in?" I ask Lorraine quietly. She nods so I open the door and quickly close it again once Ali is inside.
"Hey sweetie" Ali exhales as she sits down next to Lorraine. She pulls a face as she notices my shirt. Lorraine rests her head on her shoulder, immediately cuddling up to her.
"Are you guys okay?" She asks, directing the question at me.
"We've been better I guess. This situation just sucks so much. I wish there was more I could do" I explain.
"Yeah... It's not the best" she replies. I kinda figured that most of our relationship details are relayed to Ali. Lorraine told me before she left the night we found out about the pregnancy that she would be telling Ali and I don't mind. So far she's been a great help in keeping us a secret. Plus I know it makes a big difference to Lorraine that she has someone she can talk to and get support from.
