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love yourself ......................................................................
Stokeley
"so she wants you to go with her?" i asked. "yes. she wants me to go with her. after she's abandoned me for 16 years and just pops back up like 'hey happy 18th birthday sweetie, i know i been a deadbeat for 16 years but i guarantee you i was just living my best life in another state while you stayed with some shithole foster parents. you wanna come live with me?" Jahseh interpreted.
"Jahseh, maybe she was just.. thinking. you know? if she should just leave you here in Florida after everything or come back." i reconciled.
"are you listening to yourself, Mr. Goulbourne? thinking? what human THINKS for over 16 years on whether to get their child back or not?" Jahseh assured. "i don't think it takes 16 trips around the sun to get your child back."
"Jah, you're right but you have to try to put yourself in her shoes, okay? imagine how happy she is to see you!" i said. "aren't you happy to see her?"
"Stoke, i met stranger. some woman by the name of Cleo who is my mother. i have no mutual connection with her whatsoever. i never thought this day would happen, and if i did, i never thought it would happen today. do you understand..having someone turn your back on you? someone who you thought would care about you through thick and thin but ended up leaving before it even started?" Jahseh asked me.
"yes, Jahseh, i do-"
"no you don't." Jahseh cut in. "Stokeley, you and me are not the same. stop trying to compare yourself to me, we're not alike."
"Jahseh, yes we are! we are alike in a lot of ways." i insisted.
"oh yeah? name one thing me and you have in common." he asked.
"um..." i thought, "we both are dread heads, you know? and uh.. we both like the beach and shit like that. we both hate mean people. gross. um.. and we're both..are..black..?" i listed. i looked at Jahseh's face which he looked like he was done with my shit.
Jahseh chuckled, "unbelievable." he muttered as he turned to leave my room.
"where you going?"
"i'm going out, Stoke. i'll come back later." he says.
"it's literally pitch black out, where are you possibly gonna go this late?"
"don't worry about me, child, i'll be fine." he says.
Jahseh
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i just need to leave and come back soon after i get done with this. in and out.
"hey what's up, birthday boy?" Stokeley's dad says shaking my shoulders. "where ya headed?" he seemed a little bit tipsy but whatever. they're happy.
"just to go walk around outside." i said.
"what about Stokeley?" he asked.
"he.. he didn't want to come. he said he'll just wait for me to come back."
Stokeley's dad chuckled a little bit before turning me towards the crowd of people still here for my birthday party. "hey guys, look, this is my third son, Johnny."
"Jahseh" i corrected.
"Josiah." he said. "he's my youngest."
"oh wow, George, i didn't know you had another son." a random woman says. "he's a very adorable one."
"not cuter than me." Jarad says from the kitchen eating random stuff out of the fridge.
i try answering all the questions a while trying to make a way to leave.
"hey, i really want to go on this walk before it's too late." i said.
"oh of course, son. i don't wanna hold ya."
"alright i'll be back." i said heading for the door.
"be safe!" Stokeley's dad says. "isn't he amazing.."
i finally made it out of the house, still hearing all the chatter from Stokeley's parent's friends inside. i pull out my phone to send a text.
me: i'm coming now. are you home?
(786)-642-0182: what took you so long? still fucking Stokeley?
me: no, idiot, it's kind of my birthday today and people want to see me.
(786)-642-0182: u taking a long ass time
me: just know you asked me to come here.
(786)-642-0182: and you agreed
me: not easily. you begged me. if you really want me to come, you're gonna have to sit tight, shut the fuck up and be patient.
(786)-642-0182: whatever, Onfroy.
i don't even know why he wants me to come over, i don't even know why i'm wasting my time going over there. it might be a set up and i'm gonna get killed, raped, get my ass beat. i don't know. but he really wanted me to come. all i know is i'm going here for whatever the hell he has for me and i'm getting the hell out.
