What darkness must witness

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What pulls her out of her sleep is the rustling of sheets. It’s a jittery restlessness, limbs without direction, a hand smacking her in the face, and sometimes, a knee jabbing her in the thigh. It’s the shaking body next to her and the ragged breathing.

It’s the “n-no… n-no, no” muffled into a pillow next to her; it’s the fear in her wife’s voice, the one that cuts through marrow and bone.

It’s not the first time.

Blinded by the darkness of their bedroom, Kim shifts to envelop Trini’s body in her arms. It’s best if she spoons Trini from behind, and sometimes it’s a struggle because she’s is really strong and not at all cooperative in her sleeping state.

“Trin, I’m here, it’s okay,” Kim hushes as she wrestles with panic-stricken arms for control.

Soon Kim will have Trini’s torso in a tight grip, pressed up against her own chest,

And soon, the yellow ranger will wake up from another nightmare of someone pushing her off a ledge, or a balcony, or some other vantage point high up. She’ll scream herself awake as she’s free falling, plummeting towards a merciless ground that’s still too far away to see, and when she does, Kim will be holding her close, whispering comforting words into the night until it’s the only thing Trini knows.

It’s not the first time.

“Sweetie, you’re okay. I love you and you’re okay,” Kim whispers, and when Trini starts hyperventilating, she knows she’s fully awake and consciously panicking.

This is the worst part; the time it takes Trini to realize she’s safe. This is the part that shatters Kim’s heart.

“This is our bedroom,” Kim murmurs. “You’re safe. You’re in our bed… In my arms.” The pink ranger proves the truth of her words with a gentle squeeze of her arms around Trini’s torso.

“I love you, Trin,” Kim continues and presses her lips against her wife’s shoulder. “Do you feel my arms around you?”

“Yes,” Trini breathes, barely a whisper, her hands gripping tight around Kim’s arms, her eyes squeezing shut to rid herself of the nightmare still flashing behind her eyelids.

“Is it too tight?”

Trini's breathing is shallow, no longer hyperventilating, as she shakes her head. “No.”

“Okay. That’s good. Tell me what you see.”

“Two fourteen.”

“What’s that?” Kim says, pretending she doesn’t know that Trini is now looking at the illuminated red numbers on the alarm clock next to their bed. She needs her to stay focused on what’s real.

Trini doesn’t answer. Instead she taps with fingertips against Kim’s arm, letting her know she’s okay, that she’s back. When Kim releases her hold, Trini twists in her arms and buries her tear-stricken cheeks in Kim’s chest as the pent-up anxiety slowly dissolves.

Kim runs soothing fingers through the yellow ranger’s hair and rubs calmness into her spine until Trini’s breath is moist, but slow and steady against Kim’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” Trini mumbles.

“Anytime,” Kim presses her lips against a sweaty forehead, letting them linger there until her lungs demand fresh air.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m quite fond of holding you in my arms,” Kim murmurs through a lazy yawn.

“Sleep, Kim, I’m okay now.”

“You sleep. I’m not tired.”

“Kim.”

“Trini.”

“Stubborn.”

“Bossy.”

Trini sighs, snuggling closer to her wife, and Kim shifts to make better room as she wraps her arms around her wife once again.

I love you’s are being murmured, and Kim insists on staying awake, persistence in her arms, comfort on her lips, and an ache in her heart that’ll subside but never fully disappear.

It’s not the first time.

As Trini’s breathing evens out, her muscles twitching in that half-asleep limbo, Kim allows for her own unfallen tears to be soaked up by her pillow and for a shaky breath to escape into the night.

It not the last time either.

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