My Golden Life

Chapter 28

No one can adequately prepare you for when a loved one dies. Your whole world suddenly justs stops as if it's been put on pause. People say that things will get better over time, but I didn't believe that one bit. How could I possibly move on from losing someone so loving and caring as my mum? Mum meant everything to me; she loved me despite what I'd done in the past. She wanted the best for Daniel and me, and she succeeded in doing so, all the way up to the moment she closed her tired eyes for the last time.

Without her wise words, I would have continued to be Goldilocks, trapped in the life my dad had pulled me into. Now that she was gone... I feared what my life would become. What trials and troubles would come my way? Was I prepared? I can tell you right now that I felt scared. Petrified even. More than I had ever been in my entire life. The flowers I had picked in the woods to uplift mum's mood were now placed beside her gravestone. At least it gave her grave a tiny bit of life.

I remember standing by her freshly carved stone, a cool breeze blowing gently through my hair as I gazed at it. My eyes engulfed in tears, my hands trembling while I clutched the pendant on my necklace. It wasn't that long ago that mum was full of energy and life-laughing, smiling away... How dark my life had become without her. 

Dad, of course, now had to take care of Daniel and me, and at first, I wasn't too fussed about it. I could see how much mum's death had affected him. He barely left the house for the first few weeks, he would lock himself in his room for days on end, pouring out his sadness. He then began seeking out things to block out the pain, and not surprisingly, he chose to drink. 

That's when things started to go downhill. Day after day, he would go to the village Tavan, spending money that we needed to live on to down his sorrows away. Every time he went, he would enforce endless amounts of chores to be done, tasks that simply couldn't be finished by the time he returned. And when they weren't done to his expectations, he would get mad. I mean crazy. To the point where I became terrified of him and what he would do. 

I remember one occasion ever so clearly; Daniel and I were ordered to deep clean and sort out the entire house from top to bottom. Everything was to be shiny and spotless, no ifs or buts.

"We won't finish this in time, Katie," Daniel stuttered at me while furiously scrubbing the floor. "He's going to go ballistic, and you remember what happened last time."

"I won't let anything happen," I said sternly, putting away the plates and kneeling down to him. "Not while I'm with you."

I then examined his face, a dark purplish bruise was spread halfway across the lower part of his cheek.

"Does it still hurt?" I asked, gently pressing my fingertips on it.

"A little, but I think it's going down now."

"Yea, it does." I smiled. "Don't worry, it will go away eventually."

An abrupt bang caused both of us to sharply rise and turn to the front door, to see as expected dad stumbling in. He was wobbling around the place and couldn't keep himself upright. He was slurring some words, but I couldn't quite make out what he was actually saying.

"What are you two pests looking at, huh?" he grumbled. "Why aren't you doing what I asked you to do?"

"We have," I said softly. "The kitchen is clean, the garden has been tidied and-

"Cleaned?" He roared. "This kitchen isn't clean enough! Not in the slightest. Honestly, how did I manage to raise such incompetent little idiots."

"Raise? You didn't raise us at all!" Daniel exclaimed. "You were hardly ever here for us, you were and never will be a father to us."

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me, boy!" Dad barked, undoing his belt and marching over to him. "I clearly didn't beat you hard enough last time."

"Don't you dare hurt him!" I screamed, shielding myself in front of Daniel. "Leave him alone!"

"Move out of the way, you stupid girl, or I'll make you." He growled.

"Go on, do it! I won't let you lay another finger on-"

I felt myself suddenly slam onto the kitchen floor, the left side of my cheek was violently throbbing. I was in shock and fear. Did what I think just happen, happen? Daniel quickly kneeled behind me, pulling me close. We both looked up and saw Dad towering over us.

"Don't you ever, ever speak back to me like that again!" He yelled. The stench of beer-filled my nostrils and tingled my eyes. "Or else you will get far worse than that!"

His face was bright red, but his eyes were now piercing dark colour. "No wonder your mother got so unwell, looking after you two parasites all day, especially you." His long mucky finger darted a few inches to my face.

"You gave her the most stress, the most worry. Your thieving, conniving demeanour made her tired; it made her sick."  Dad then began to lower his voice; he whimpered through his words as his sobs began to broke through.

"You... you did this. It's all your fault that she's gone." He blubbered, a mixture of growling and whimpering escaped his lips. "If you hadn't been a stupid little girl and behaved yourself, she might still be here."

He turned and stumbled towards the stairs hitting and knocking over things as he went, I watched as he pulled himself up the stairs using the bannisters.

"Don't listen to him, Katie," Daniel said silently, helping me up onto my feet. "He's not in the right state of mind."

I slowly touched my cheek and immediately flinched away. It stung so bad, and I knew for sure that a mark would appear. Despite the pain I was in, the words of my dad kept swirling in my mind, and it made me start to question and everything.

Was all of this really my fault?? Did becoming Goldilocks inevitably cause my mum's death?