Ordinary

Chapter 3

I suddenly became aware of all this beeping. Then the smell. Oh, how I hated that smell. The hospital smell. I can recognise that smile from miles away. I didn't even have to open my eyes.

"Hey! You okay? I've been so worried!" Which seemed to sound like Alex, whilst he was leaning all over me in a hospital bed.
"What happened?" I found myself asking
Everything felt weird. I felt so spaced. I didn't know where I was, what had happened. I was so scared. He looked so worried, I'd never seen him like this before.

"Am I okay?"

"You collapsed and were out for ages! Oh how i've missed the sound of your voice, it's been so long. I thought you were never going to wake up." he said with tears in his eyes
"It's only been a few hours silly!" I giggled with a croak in my voice. It hurt to speak. My throat was so dry. It felt like a desert. Like someone had poured a bucket of sand in my mouth and left me, with no water.
"Han......it's been 5 months"
"You've been in a coma, for 5 months"
I felt the shock inside of me. 5 months! Had it really been that long since I'd seen his face, heard his voice? Had it really been that long since I'd been conscious. I started to panic. He must have got it wrong. Or playing those silly jokes with me again. We were just sat in the airport, about to board the plane.
That couldn't have been 5 months ago, could it?
"Are you sure?"
"Now is not the time for jokes Han, this is a serious situation, you're not well" he said
"What's wrong with me?"
"You have Cancer" he said with so much pain in his voice.
I felt the grip of his hand in mine tense up. Was this my fault? Did I do something wrong? This can't be happening right now. I could see the pain in his eyes. I did this to him. My body felt numb, I didn't know how to feel at this moment in time.
"What type......I mean where too is it?" I whispered

"Brain, I mean you have Cancer of the Brain, you're at stage 4 and you're going to get better Han, I believe you will. You have too!" he muffled.

Stage 4? That's the worst stage. How could I not have noticed this? I must have had symptoms. This is what happens, you drag up every moment of the past few months of your life and pick it apart, piece by piece to try and see if you've missed something. From every common cold to classic period pains. But it's pointless. You'll only drive yourself mad trying to find answers that aren't there.

"Are you okay? I know it's a lot to process right now, but we'll work it out......I promise. We'll get through it together, nothing has changed" he said
I didn't know what to say. It's like I wanted to say something, but my body wouldn't let me.
"Maybe, you should try and get some rest before the doctor comes to speak to you" he suggested

"No. I've been asleep for almost 5 months according to you, I'm good" I reacted with an icy tone in my voice.

I know it's not his fault and I shouldn't be taking It out on him. He's stayed by my side all of this time, the last thing I should be doing is pushing him away. I need him right now.

He knows I do.