It's become a tradition to ditch Family Fridays for trashy party music and cheap booze. Since mom passed, home hasn't been the same. Nothing has.
Dad's buried himself so deep in his work, I hardly see him during the week. After school, Brooke goes to her room and doesn't come out. Both of them claim they're fine, just busy. I know they're both full of shit, but I can't rock the boat. Mom was the glue of our family. Losing her is the worst thing that has happened in... well, forever. It'll take a long time to recover; if we ever do.
I finish my beer and scan the crowd of inebriated teenagers for my friends. Instead, I find my girlfriend - ex girlfriend, as of recent - grinding on a guy who looks like he walked straight out of Baywatch. I absentmindedly clench my jaw as they continue to dance. Maybe it's the liquor churning in my stomach, or the newfound resentment I have towards Lauren, but something in me wants me to go over there and cause some trouble.
Against my better judgement, or lack thereof, considering my current state of mind, I make my way across the dimly lit sand.
"Funny seeing you here, babe," I chuckle. "This the new boy toy?"
Lauren rolls her eyes. "What do you want?"
"Can't a guy just say hi to his girlfriend?"
"Ex-girlfriend," she corrects. "Still drowning your sorrows with booze and weed, I see. ... And smell. Jesus, you've really let yourself go."
Ouch.
I roll my eyes at her, trying to make it seem as if her remark didn't feel like a punch in the stomach.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to Mr. Tall, Dark, and Blond?"
"No, because you're not worth getting to know. Nor are you a part of my life anymore." She purses her glossy lips against the rim of her cup and finishes her drink. "If you don't mind, I'd like to spend the rest of the night with my date. Alone."
I look her in her dark brown eyes for a little too long. Suddenly, my mind goes back to the night we broke up. The mascara running down her cheeks. Her sopping wet charcoal grey hair pinned against her face. The broken window of my car and my bloody knuckles. I never claimed to be a good person, let alone a good boyfriend. But I'm not an idiot. I really fucked things up with her. And she knows that she deserves better. Hence her coldness towards me.
Ignoring the voice of the tiny devil on my shoulder, I let go of the urge to fight. She's right, after all, though I'd never admit it. I'm not a part of her life anymore, and neither is she in mine. She's already let me go and moved on. As much as it pains me to think about, it's time I do the same.
Without breaking eye contact, I respond. "Sure. Enjoy the rest of your night."
On my way back to the house, I catch my friends who I'd lost earlier playing spin the bottle with a few other kids in our class.
"Hey, Collin! Come play with us!" Sydney shouts.
Reluctantly, I make my way over to them and sit.
"This is where you two've been all night?"
"We actually spent some time inside, if you catch my drift," Xavier smirks.
I roll my eyes. Leave it to them to leave me alone to bone.
"Collin, you're up."
I spin the bottle and zone out as everyone waits to see who it lands on. Giggling from some of the girls playing draws my attention back to the game. I look at who the bottle landed on; a girl with long blonde hair cascading behind her small frame. Her hands are tucked in the sleeves of her hoodie, and she's nervously looking at the ground and back at me.
"What're we supposed to be doing?"
"Seven minutes in heaven," Sydney answers.
I scoff. "Seriously? Are we in middle school?"
"Come on, Collin. Be a good sport and play along," one of the girls says.
I look over my shoulder and catch a glimpse of Lauren and her date slow dancing by the firepit. I clench and unclench my fists, then shift my focus back to the game.
"Fine. Are we doing it here or somewhere else?"
The girls' cheeks quickly become bright red as the other girls convince her into playing the game elsewhere. Xavier passes me his joint while the girls come to a decision. I take a hit, letting the smoke linger in my mouth and lungs, then slowly let it out.
"She's a little nervous, so she wants to go somewhere private."
I take a moment to think. "How about the treeline?" I nod my head in the direction of the woods on the edge of the beach. "Not too far, but far enough so you won't be able to see or hear us."
"O-okay," the girl answers quietly.
"Xay, go with them to keep the time."
"See, I totally would, buuutttt I don't want to. I'm busy enjoying my time with my girl, Mary Jane."
"I'll keep the damn time," I chime in. "C'mon, uh--"
"Natalie."
"Sure. Let's get this over with."
We walk over to the edge of the woods and disappear behind the trees towering over us. Natalie folds her arms over her chest and keeps her eyes focused on the ground.
"Nervous?"
She looks up at me. "That obvious, huh?"
"So she does have a voice of her own. You always let your friends do your bidding?"
"Not always." She moves her hands to the pocket of her hoodie. "I'm kinda awkward, if it wasn't obvious enough. It's easier to have them make decisions for me."
"What if you disagree?"
"I keep my mouth shut. I'd rather do what they say than let them think I don't trust them. Even if it's as embarrassing as this."
"So, you're embarrassed? Of this, I mean. That they made you come over here with me?"
She kicks at the ground. "Yeah. I've never had my first... anything. They said this would be good for me. How else am I supposed to have my first kiss if I have the social skills of a goldfish?"
"Hm." I shove my hands in my short pockets. "Do you... want to do this?"
"Isn't that the point of the game?"
"Well, yeah. But I'm not a pig. I won't force you into anything if you don't want to."
"What about them?"
I roll my eyes. "Screw them. No offense, but they're assholes for making you do this. You'll have your first kiss some day. Rushing it takes the meaning away from a first kiss."
A few seconds of silence pass before she speaks again.
"What's it like? Kissing."
I take a deep breath. "Well, it can be... pretty great, depending on who it's with." My mind replays my first kiss with Lauren, and I smile at the memory. "You know that rush of adrenaline you get from being on a roller coaster? It's like that, but better. You don't want that feeling to go away. The second your lips touch, the world kinda fades away. It feels like you're the only two people to exist."
