ex nihilo | fyodor dostoyevsky x reader

ᴅᴇʟɪɢʜᴛ

Delight

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʜᴏᴡ ᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ʙʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱɪɢʜᴛ ᴏꜰ ɪᴛ? ʜᴏᴡ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴍᴀɴ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍ! ᴏʜ, ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴇxᴘʀᴇꜱꜱ ɪᴛ... ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ꜱᴛᴇᴘ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏꜱᴛ ʜᴏᴘᴇʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴍᴀɴ ᴍᴜꜱᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ! ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ! ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴅ'ꜱ ꜱᴜɴʀɪꜱᴇ! ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀꜱꜱ, ʜᴏᴡ ɪᴛ ɢʀᴏᴡꜱ! ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʏᴇꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴀᴢᴇ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ!...

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot

. . .

"Sigma..."

Sobs tore his voice apart, each and every word now barely comprehensible. "I've ne-never... felt... ha-had any... thing to..." From then on, all that you made out was blabbering with similar thematics - never had his life faced... this, whatever would his this signify.

Unfortunately, you were hindered. You couldn't do anything else but give him a shoulder to cry on - but his weeping was quiet, almost as if he wished to hide it. He forced himself to calm down, somehow, but where his tears stopped, hyperventilation began.

"Deep breaths, Sigma, deep breaths... it's okay," you told him while patting his shifting back. "You will be okay." You wished you could promise him ridiculous whatnots to reassure him, oh, to offer him the peace he yearned for. Yet you feared you couldn't keep those promises.

So what could have gotten far heartwarming, remained mostly silent, as Sigma's breaths turned shallow - normal, as he moved away only to come back and embrace you once again.

He was getting better after all. And at last, some ease to instill your being. You closed your eyes for a second, enjoying the true quietude and the warmth around you, when you made out footsteps approaching. Abruptly you reopened your eyes, knowing who was the intruder.

Fyodor wasn't welcome. You were well aware of the fact that he couldn't care less for Sigma, ergo Sigma could be manipulated in ways that would potentially harm him. You sensed danger, the same unease you had once suffered from, yourself.

Hadn't Fyodor warned you about it before?

You fixated your glare on Fyodor, looking for his reaction, as you moved away from Sigma. The long haired male used this attribute of his well, and he tried to hide his face. As if he pulled a curtain over his flustered expression, it was gone, invisible to Fyodor. You awaited for your lover's take on the situation.

If one were to attempt deciphering his thoughts, one shouldn't pay much mind to his appearance. This wasn't a matter of pretence, quite the opposite. You firmly believed his emotions came out raw, and almost none of them were unfiltered. This could easily be explained as: Fyodor simply had little to show.

This instance, namely, could only be described as him stumbling upon a realization. Nothing more! Certainly, nothing less - now, watching him further and assuming he had something going on in his mind would be the right thing to do. Sadly, you couldn't deduct its content.

All you could do was wait for him to orchestrate whatever - if anything - his plan was brewing for. In the meantime, you were allowed to chuckle to yourself. You too found out something for yourself, a fact evident at this point.