It took me very long time to just think about this, about the whole thing, about Teenstuff Magazine (the place I currently work at). Finally, after weeks of patience I was able to drown deeper into my thoughts and I was able to write again.
As a teenager I didn’t have any purpose, a set of goals, or even a dream that I was longing to achieve. I was too consumed by my friendships, relationships, and my grades. I couldn’t understand, I was not aware of the reason of my creation. I thought of myself less than others, I didn’t belong anywhere. I was that dreamy guy at school, who would just fantasize about a good social life and being surrounded by people who completely understand, respect, love, and care about him. I was trying to be that “extrovert,” who people would just love to be around. But, I failed.
You see, I was trying to be someone I am not. I was dreaming about changing my personality, and who I am. I have read self-help books and manuals, and began practicing each and everything I have read. I misunderstood that these books were meant to help someone change his reactions, but not his personality. For years I overdid this, I was too stuck up on being that famous guy.
Until I have realized that everything I overdid was just a step closer to knowing who I am, and to discovering my treasures, my dreams. I realized that my true purpose was to discover myself and accept who I am. Discover what I am capable of, and how I can be that drop of water that spreads out waves in a lake, a river, or an ocean. I began realizing my dream, and understanding that my biggest dream of all is to influence people in a good way, to make them believe in themselves and achieve everything they want.
I began discovering myself in high school, and my English teachers told me that I have good writing skills. I started cultivating them, and working hard each day to improve. Reading, writing, and most importantly receiving feedback. Until a defining day of my future has come, a friend recommended that I should send my poems to Teenstuff Magazine. I hesitated and I thought it was silly, but I sent it anyway. I received a reply saying that it might be published in one of the upcoming months. I kept sending an email each month, asking when it will be published and I really didn’t know why I did so. Finally, I saw it published in July’s issue, and I realized that I want to be part of Teenstuff Team. To influence teenagers like me through my writings.
4-5 months later I joined the team and I worked pretty hard for it. I was committed and a hard worker, and I didn’t forget about my studies either. Then after Jan 25th revolution I went to my first meeting at Teenstuff Magazine. I was kind of lonesome again at the beginning. There was a lot of people hanging around like 50-60 in one meeting (yeah that big at that time because we were launching an advertising campaign for tourism in Egypt). At the beginning everyone started introducing themselves, it was nice and friendly. I started getting to know everyone, and the wonderful thing is, I blended. I finally found people who really understand me, who share the same interests, who even want to study the same thing in college, who feel the same at school, and now they are my best friends right now.
Of course this didn’t happen overnight, it took me a year or two to make these amazing friendships. They need a lot of effort too, and yeah the self-help books and manuals actually helped because I finally understood their purpose and what they are meant to do for your life. A year passed in the magazine, and I set a new goal (it was a dream at that time) to become the poetry club head. After a lot of hard work, I did become one. I officially achieved my first dream, my first goal, and the thing that shaped me today. I kept setting goals and I achieved them with my team, this is the most amazing thing, to share a dream/goal with someone. I wasn’t the only one doing the hard work my teammates helped, my best friends helped and exerted way more effort than I did. That’s what friends are for. We were teammates, best friends, and we were united under one cause which is making the poetry club the best club this magazine has ever witnessed, the best two pages in the whole magazine.
So to speak, all what I have experienced in the magazine created the man you see in front of you. I am not afraid of my truth, I am an introvert. I am the one who seeks to influence others by writing, by friendships, and by leading. I am the one who you will see day-dreaming, over and over and working to achieve what he dreams of every day. I am the one who you will see broken over and over again, but I will keep trying, I will keep trying because I believe I will see the truth behind this. I am the one who enjoys deep conversations about philosophy and psychology. I am the one who doesn't like crowded places and tends to sit on the couch alone or with the people he feels comfortable talking to, yeah on that couch (TSers can relate). I am the one whose confidence goes one day up and the next day down. I am the one who is most influenced by the people around him. I am the one who can keep playing video games for hours and never get bored. I am the one who has a battery for socializing and as soon as it is drained completely, I can stay alone for as long as I want to. I am the man who understands himself, and accepts himself all because of my experience at the magazine.
This isn’t the end of it. This isn’t the end of my dreams, nor of any of my family. This is just a redirection towards reaching a bigger goal. The magazine was a home, and my second family was lurking all the time in there. I was raised by the magazine and everyone in it. No matter how long I keep writing, it won’t be enough.
Remember you can’t change who you are, but you can change the way you react to things and how you perceive everything.
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Self-enlightenment
Non-FictionA journey to self-discovery of unlocking powers, unleashing potentials, and understanding one-self in a better way.