OC Reviews [CLOSED]

Liling Lóng

This character belongs to @KitKattHeartAttack

Fandom: Boku No Hero

Full Name: Liling Lóng
Name Meaning: Liling means beautiful jade and Lóng means dragon in Chinese.
Nicknames:
- Lili by her family and her friends Juan and Kim.
- Her hero name is Jade Dragon
Sex: female
Gender: female
Age: 16
Sexuality: straight
Species: human

Name checks out for translation and hero name is pretty straightforward.

Appearance: long black hair that goes mid-back which she wears into a style like Haku's in Naruto. She has that classic slanted Asian eyes. Her eye color is light green. She has light tan skin. Her teeth are slightly pointer her from her quirk. 5'6" in height. Weight 121 lb.
Scars: Has some small ones all across her body from overusing her quirk. Has a long scar that peeks from her hairline on her forehead and into her hair
Ethnicity: Asian
Clothing styles: she likes to wear clothes that would be considered hype beast clothes. She mostly just has hoodies and sweatpants of those brands with some shirts. Most of the time she tries to look her best because she cares about what she looks like. Most of these hoodies are oversized because they belonged to her brother. She likes wearing jeans more than her sweatpants outside.
Hero Outfit: wears a kimono that ends at her knees over a sleeveless white formal Chinese shirt, the kimono is dark jade green with white trimmings, white pants that are big and loose on waist and knee area then wraps around the calf, around her waist is a brown belt with pop off trackers that look like copper buttons, she also has a bag that contains some water and bandages hooked on to the back of the belt, for shoes she wears some brown sandals that tie in the back

Kimonos are Japanese, not Chinese, so if that's not intentional I would change it. I like the button trackers. Her having a very modern fashion sense is pretty good. Thanks for making me google a naruto character though lol

Personality: helps anyone she thinks actually need it, mature and thinks rationally, doesn't get mad easily but when she does she gives off the aura of an angry Asian Mom with a flip flop in hand, protective of her friends and family but knows that they can care for themselves, doesn't really like to be bothered when she's doing something to the point of flipping her mood a bit, normally on the quiet side of things, if she's with people she's comfortable with then she likes to joke around with them,
Likes: green, Adidas shoes (finds them really comfy), video games, basketball, music, anime, origami caring for her orchids
Dislikes: gangs, guilt trips, getting dirty, socks and flip flops
Fears: scared of being stuck in dark closed small places, having to fight someone she's close with,
Goals: being a hero that can rid of organized crime, bring her brother home despite how he keeps telling her to stop trying

In my opinion, her personality and fashion sense do not match at all, because to me hypebeast clothes say "bro" and not "mom friend". She also appears to be rather deficient in flaws :/. Other than that everything here makes sense, though my seattleite blood boils at this casual denouncement of socks with sandals.

Family:
- Father: Tiamseng Lóng: a Chinese Filipino man who moved to America from the Philippines trying to put as much space between his gang life and his new one. Quirk: Chinese Dragon (I can't think of anything else) can turn into a Chinese dragon and fly. His horns are made of ivory and can regrow. He's alive
- Mother: Chuya Lóng: Japanese American lady. Became friends with Tiamseng while I working and married him so he could stay in America. They fell in love over time and had two children. Quirk: Water Manipulation can control water in 10 ft around her and only for an hour before having to stop and rest. She's alive
- Older Brother: Tatsuo Lóng: 3 years older than Liling. Takes his job of caring for his little sis seriously. They were very close to each other. Quirk: same as his sis but can shoot water from his mouth. He's alive
- Grandpa: John Kelley: Chaya's dad, green eyes like Liling, stayed with his brother when they moved to Japan but calls them every week. Quirk: can squirt water out of his pointer fingers like a cheap water gun
Friends:
- Juan Garcia: they knew each other in America and we're very surprised to see each other at UA. Juan started the friendship
- Kim Teakyun: he was a transfer student from South Korea. Juan kinda pulled him into the group seeing that he didn't have anyone to hang out with. They all work on their Japanese togethes
Romantic Interest: she really likes Juan but she doesn't act on it because she likes the friendship they have and doesn't want him to get involved in her problems.
Enemies: villains in general, Danilo and his gang (excluding her brother and maybe Angela)
Pets: she has a chia pet

This is pretty good. I like her parent's story, and I think that having a chia pet is super cute

Backstory:
Liling grew up in America in a state called Nevada where she lived with her father mother brother and grandpa. She had a pretty normal childhood with the occasional oh fluff we don't have enough money for the rent. She also took martial arts seeing that her strength from her quirk wouldn't be a full potential if he didn't use it right. Though a lot of that changed when she was 13, that's when people from the gang her father was apart of started harassing and threatening them. They didn't hurt them as long as they got to take her fathers horns every time they regrew. Once they found out that Liling and Tatsuo horns were the same as their dads when they were dragons they started to do the same to them. But only once to Liling seeing that her horns weren't very long. But that day it scarred her mentally and physically. It seemed to be worse for her brother who was there when it happened and couldn't help her through it. One day Tatsuo left with those people and wasn't seen of or heard of. After that they were weren't bothered again. They soon moved to Japan to get away from that and try to start a new life. Liling thought it was wrong to leave but she had no choose but to go. Liling wanted to try to stop gangs from doing that or other things in general. She tries for UA and got in. There she became friends with a guy named Juan who went to her old school in America and a guy named Kim who was a transfer student from South Korea. Most of the friend groups were already made so they stuck together though out UA. She never talked about what happened to her and her family because she didn't want them to know about it. She told Juan after hanging out with him then seeing her brother walking around the street. Later that school year she told the teachers and Kim about all of it. She was able to talk to her brother again but hasn't told anyone about how or what they talked about.

This is pretty interesting, and a good reason for wanting to become a hero. I don't know if you have very close relationships with your teachers, but I certainly never have, and don't see why she would tell them. Also "in a state called Nevada" made me laugh, for some reason.

Quirk Description:
Like her father she can turn into a jade Chinese dragon partially and fully, the horns of her dragon aren't made of the same thing as bone but ivory, they can regrow if it broken or cut off, when she fully or partially transformed her psychical strength is greater, she can also manipulate water a bit to shoot up, down, and side to side in different directions , she can make walls of water to help block an attack, she can only do that to water about 10 ft a around her, she can only transform for about 2 hours and 3 times a day, the partial transformation can last longer  than a full one, though she hasn't figured out how much more it is though, if she tries to do more than that she'll start coughing up blood and her scales falling off leading to her human form to missing bits of flesh and bleeding. In full dragon form she barely get hurt from blunt force or sharp objects, in her full form she is about 120ft long, the older she gets the longer her full transformation is in length

Six hours a day is too much and her dragon form is too large. I can see this being her when she is, like, 50 and a total master, but as a Literal Child it is very overpowered. I would cut her time limit in half, and her size more than that.

Quirk Drawbacks:
The time limit, the size of her full form, the fact that she didn't use her the water part of her quirk as much as her dragon part so it's not as developed as her transformations, if her horns are cut or broken off it can cause pain to her like someone is slowly twisting something sharp but a bit dull into your skin to bone.

Again, these "drawbacks" are not nearly harsh enough. Having the water training be a bit stunted is good, though. Although it wouldn't cause physical pain, I could imagine that even someone touching her horns would be very distressing, so I would have that be like her immediate Achille's Heel.

Overall, she is edging towards Mary Sue territory. Her backstory and relationships are good, and her motivations are logical and well-defined, but her personality is blandly without faults and her quirk is much more powerful than anyone at her age should be. Overall, I do not think that she would be very hard to fix, but fixing she does need.