Look 'bad luck' up in the dictionary. Go on. We'll wait. See there? That picture of an awkward college student tripping over his own feet? That's Peter Parker. He's majoring in chemical engineering, and by some stroke of (you guessed it) bad luck, t...
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Oh no, something terrible has happened in New York. Again. Where 95% of the world's superheroes live. Who would've guessed? What is this catastrophic calamity, you say? Well, it would sound like the beginning of a joke.
So a witch, a headsman, a high school science teacher, a radioactive Chinese guy, a dude made out of laser beams, and a Nazi stroll into New York and start blowing stuff up. But these guys were no joke, they were called the Masters of EVIL by some stupid paper and it stuck. This aforementioned A-Team of bad guys were the Enchantress, Skurge the Executioner, Radioactive Man, the Living Laser, and Baron Zemo. Actual threats to the sanctity of life. What? You were expecting another terrible joke of a villain? Bah, what low standards you have of this tale.
"Have at thee, foul wretch! Thy mystic harms shan't reach the fair people of Midgard this day!" Yelled Thor like a well-trained stage actor as he flung lightning at the Enchantress.
The sorceress cackled in response "This confidence is most debilitating, Thunderer. I seek not the pitifully short lives of these insects, I seek yours!"
Spidey came flying through the mess of magic sparkles and whatnot as he landed a blow on Radioactive Man's very radioactive face. Not the Simpsons one, the other one. The Chinese one. A 'crack' sounded as Radioactive Man stumbled backwards, and Peter sighed "These guys are tough! Where's the big green guy when you need him?!"
Hawkeye, nobody's favourite Avenger, was matched up with nobody's favourite supervillain; Chemistro. As he dodged the various chemicals that were fired from Chemistro's gun, Clint returned fire and replied to Peter "Oh you didn't hear? We lost him."
"SSSHHHH!" Tony hissed through the comm channel as he flew around shooting lasers at the Living Laser. "Do you know how much money I'm throwing away to keep that a secret?!"
Peter's shock was evidenced in how Radioactive Man socked him with a backhand strike. Spidey flipped forward in recovery and said "Wait, so you really lost him? The Hulk?"
"We didn't lose him. He kinda just left."
"After killing his wife?" Hawkeye jabbed.
Peter, somehow juggling this shocking exchange with tying the Radioactive Man up in his gross webs, managed to press "He what?!"
"Look, no one knows what happened. As soon as we find him, we'll ask him. But right now...everybody needs to focus." Captain America ordered. He parried the sword blows of Baron Zemo and skilfully evaded his handed strikes.
Hercules wrestled with Skurge as he added "I, for one, agree with the well-spoken sentiments of the Captain of America. We face mighty foes in this battle who shall draw no quarter!"
"Verily. Friend Hercules speaks true. Cease this bickering." Thor boomed.
Hercules slammed Skurge with his club and turned to the flying God of Thunder "'Tis Heracles, you Norse ne'er-do-well!"
