Be With Me

Chapter 46

A week later...

Rafaela stopped near a kiosk reading the news. A week later after the disaster and it still could be read "James Hetfield lost his son" on front pages. News like that sold... no one cared about what they felt. Money... only money mattered. Kelly, who was with her, grabbed her arm and pulled her away.

"Come on Rafi, don't read that stuff." Reluctantly, Rafaela began to walk again.

"A week later and it's still on the news." She commented.

"That's why you shouldn't be looking at it." Kelly crossed her arm around her shoulders showing support but without Rafaela noticing a wicked smile formed on her lips for it was being a very difficult time for both James and Rafaela. "How's James?" She then asked showing interest.

"Like a zombie. He doesn't even sleep. He doesn't get out of the house. He spends most of his time locked up in Liam's room. We barely talk... we are a wreck." She confessed in the end.

"I can imagine what you're going through." Kelly said and Rafaela shook her head.

"No you don't, and I hope you never know. It's the most painful feeling I've ever felt in my entire life. I can't be inside the house... every time I am there I hear his cute voice calling for me..." She said with tears in her eyes. "That's why I run away from it all the time and spend little time in there as much as possible. Everything there reminds me of my little boy and it's hard...it's very hard to be there." She started to cry.

"People tend to deal with things their own way. James wasn't at the funeral and you were..." Kelly commented. James hadn't been able to be at Liam's funeral.

"I had to be there... I had to say goodbye properly. Maybe just to sink in that it really happened, otherwise I guess I would always expect him to come inside the house screaming my name. James didn't want to go. I understand him and I don't recriminate him for that. I also thought about not being there because I didn't think I could hang on. I barely did, so I don't judge him for his decision, and I hope no one does, because in fact, we're the only ones that understand what losing a child is."

"I wasn't saying that as a critic to his decision." Kelly made clear.

"I know Kelly, but I know many people do. Unless they understand what we're going through, then it's not a valid critic. James is a mess... I am a mess... we're a mess... our life is a mess at the moment. Our life is falling apart at the moment... so no... no one has the right to point their fingers at him."

"As hard as it seems your life must go on." Kelly told her.

Rafaela nodded. "Thing is where to get strength to go on. I have to take sleeping pills to be able to sleep and James refuses to take them. I am here with you under pills Kelly, so I can keep myself together without going crazy."

"It's all too fresh." Kelly patted her arm. "Don't you have to go home? It's late...James must be waiting for you."

"I don't want to go home..." Rafaela breathed.

"You have to." Kelly insisted.

"Please, have dinner with me somewhere? I don't want to go there... I don't want to go where his stuff is..."

Kelly nodded. "Ok." It served her purpose after all.

Later, when Rafaela got home, the first thing she noticed from the outside was that all lights were shut down, except the one in Liam's room. Sighing, she locked her car and got in the house. She went straight to her room and put her purse and her jacket on the bed, and then she was going to crash on the couch, but when passing by Liam's door she stopped walking and thought for a few seconds. She gave a step ahead, but she turned around and opened the door to the kid's room gently. James was lying on the floor staring at the ceiling, hands on the back of his head. He didn't move, only his head turned to look at her. Rafaela sat on Liam's bed looking at him.