downward

far out

far out

Man I feel great. Oops, centered on the page, lemme just...

There we go. Perfect. I've got this music playing in my head, kind of a gentle sweeping song, makes me feel like I'm in a grocery store. Man, when I get back to Norwich I need to pick up more sweet cream. Kimmy's always drinking the sweet cream with her tea, I thought it was weird but she swears by it. I'd sneak a little every now and then, but man... I wanna drink it right out of the carton right now.

Man, whatever this is, Bit knows how to party. We were well on our way to grab some lunch, whatever it was. I'm really hoping its eggs over medium on some crusty french bread with some hot sauce and mustard, never liked mustard til Kimmy showed me some homemade stuff she had kickin' around, none of that cheap Horizon mustard, the real deal. It lights a fire in ya, I can't explain. Good for perking up on sick days, too. Where were we even going, though. No idea. Wasn't really my job to check that really. It could be though.

"Hey, um... Bit... yeah, Bit... where's lunch?"

"we're jυѕт goιng тo a ѕandwιcн ѕнop on тнιѕ ѕιde oғ тнe pιer, ѕoмeтнιng qυιcĸ."

"'Kay, cool."

Tap tap, someone's at the door. Shoulder, whatever. It's Tammy. "Yeah?" I ask.

"You seem like you're having a good time!" she replied.

"Yeah..."

The sparkly feeling was slowly churning through me, I felt so sparkly, like my whole soul's lit up in fairy lights. "So... how many packets did you have?" Tammy asked.

"Whuh?"

"Sounds like two or three, to me," she said, "most I ever did in one go was nine and man, lemme tell ya, that one messed me up for weeks. The only thing I remember from that time of my life was waking up inside a big nest made of all the blankets in the Green Tower. Took nearly an hour to get out of there."

It's fun to listen to her talk. If I remind Bit so much of how she used to be, gotta wonder if I'll become like her. Oh, right! She asked a question.

"It's... it's not a packet. Bit gave me a bottle of stuff to drink."

"What for? I know Memmi always had loads of stuff in her cabinets, she was always drinking something."

"It's because I've been... what's the word...? Overthinking. Overthinking's the word."

"Alright, then. You keep... uh, tipsy, I guess. You need a hand?" she asked.

"Yeh maybe."

She's holding my hand now. Whoa. Um, do I like this? I mean, I do, but I dated Kimmy for... no, it's slipping, how many years was that? Six? Seven? Eight?... No, don't leave me...

"Everything alright?" Tammy asked.

I nodded my head.

"You're crying a little. That hungry? I know, I know. It feels like it's been a hot second since I got to eat anything, too."

"Huh? Um, I'm just... I forgot something. It'll come back to me. I hope."

"Well, alright."

She was doing the little swingy thing with my hand. She held up so well over twenty years. There's no way it was actually twenty years, though, right? Man, my brain's a whole mess right now. Still wanna twirl. Get scooped up. Go on a drive. Fish for answers. Hold a hand or two. Three. Six. No, nine, it was nine years, wan't it? I was just shy of 28 on our anniversary, right? No? Maybe? There it goes again. Hope the brain tides bring it back. There's a sandwich in my hand now. There's... there's a sandwich in my hand now? Whoa.

"Suzy, you gonna eat that?" Scriff asked, "you've been staring at it for the last six minutes or so!"

Whoa, too much happened all at once, okay, um... just... just take a bite, Suzy. Just--

"Oh God," Tammy suddenly said, nearly dropping hers, "I..."

She suddenly began crying. "everyтнιng alrιgнт?"

"I... I haven't eaten in so long... I need another after this one."

Right, no more distractions, just eat the sandwich, you can do it. Yeah, there you go! This tastes like the Italian-style cold cuts the one American guy used to bring over whenever he had too much, what did he used to say? 'My usual shtick'? Something like that? Was that how grammar worked? I wasn't really feeling as cash money as I was feeling earlier... wait, sparkly? Was that how I was describing it? Yeah, it's kind of just this dull feeling now. Still feels weird to think, like I'm trying to make my way up Molasses Mountain. Right, stop overthinking... how the heck do I do that, um...

"yoυ aвoυт ғιnιѕнed?" Bit asked.

"Um, yeah, I think..."

"ι can тell jυѕт вy looĸιng aт yoυ, yoυ're coмιng down."

"Yeah..."

"Whoa," Scriff suddenly interjected, "Suzy's wasted?"

Emmi looked around the table in concern. "ιт'ѕ none oғ yoυr вυѕιneѕѕ. ѕнe'ѕ goт a loт on нer мιnd, ι ѕιмply нelped нer тaĸe ѕoмe oғ ιт oғғ ғor a мoмenт."

"Still," Scriff said, shrugging, "it's fun to make a big deal out of it..."

I finished up my lunch, Bit took the trays, and I sat at the table kind of just thinking about whatever. It probably looked like I was trying to comprehend what my hands were. Great, now I'm self-conscious about being out of it, nice. I looked back at Scriff, who flashed me this look of unbridled mischief before rising from her seat. "Hey everyone! Su--"

Craggy suddenly picked up the other Lizi and kept a firm grip on her, muffled protests slowly fizzling out in tangible bliss. How I wished that was me.

I must be out of it more than I realize, we're already back home. "Hey, thanks for coming along all day," Tammy said to Bit and me, "and thanks for finding me. It's great to see the sun again, it's so much warmer than I remember!"

"Any time," Bit replied.

I was feeling cold inside again. I don't know why. It must be over. But this wasn't normal cold. This was 'waking up in the Cloudbearers inn after a horrible nightmare' cold. I felt sick, almost. "Tammy," I called.

"Yeah?"

"Can... can I get a hug?"

"Oh! Sure!"

She leaned in and wrapped herself around me the best she could. She was so warm. "You still need a minute?" she asked.

"Yeah, maybe a little more than a minute, actually," I replied. 

"Okay. Did you wanna sit down?"

"Yeah... I've gotta ask, how did you survive down there?"

"Not a clue," she replied.

"Oh."

I didn't know what I expected.