Morning Shift

Happy Face

Jonah thought his only talent was his ability to put on a happy face.

He'd done it all his life. He'd come home from school, and his parents would ask how his day was, and he'd smile and say, "great!" Neither of them would even question it, even though he probably had a tear rolling down his cheek or a new bruise somewhere on his body, that's how good he was.

He knew most people thought he was just oblivious to what was happening. Priya would give him these little looks and even though he wasn't all that good with reading other people's emotions, he could tell they were pity. He knew he was being bullied, and he knew it was bad, but it was so much easier to pretend like it didn't hurt him.

And then he met Nicky, and he forgot how to pretend.

Now he was unlacing his skates with a frown after a very uninteresting game consisting of him passing off the puck and staring down the boy in the stands who'd shown up unexpectedly, only one day after he'd taken a baseball bat to Jonah's confidence.

He'd been trying not to think of Nicky, but it was no use. Everything pointed to him, from the locker room he had to get him out of to the teeny melted ice puddles outside the rink that looked sort of like his spray of freckles. He was in deep and he knew it, but he liked it. He liked the feeling of his heart skipping a beat and the heat that spread onto his cheeks whenever he blushed. It made him feel so happy and lovestruck and normal. He wasn't a hockey star, and he wasn't 'that weird kid,' he was just Jonah.

And then it was ripped away from him, and his blushing cheeks and beating heart were just a reminder that he'd never be able to find someone that didn't think he was a joke.

He pulled off his skates slowly, even though everyone else had already finished and was in the locker room, leaving him alone on the bench. He didn't want to go in there until he was sure everyone had left.

But, as he was staring at his undone laces thinking about the homework he still needed to do, two dirty white converse appeared right in front of his skates.

"Hey, Jo."

Jonah knew it was Nicky— he could recognize his distinctly raspy voice anywhere and nobody else called him Jo— but he didn't look up for a few seconds, just so he could give himself a minute to try and put on his happy face. He gave up pretty quickly.

"Why are you here?" Jonah asked. Seeing his face and feeling the same heart-fluttering excitement after trying not to think about him for an entire day made him feel hopeless, like he'd never be able to get over it.

"Because I fucked up. Bad. And I want to apologize and explain myself."

Jonah bit his lip and bowed his head to stare at the floor again, conflicted. He wanted to give Nicky a chance so he could understand why he did what he did, but he couldn't escape the feeling that this was another trap where he'd be led to confess his true feelings, only for it to be a sick joke.

But his curiosity got the best of him, and he stood up on his loose skates, not breaking eye contact as Nicky watched him rise up inches taller than normal. "You have five minutes before I have to go change," Jonah told Nicky. "Make it count, because I'm really not in the mood."

Weirdly enough, that made Nicky smile at Jonah. "You're standing up for yourself," he pointed out.

Jonah's cheeks flushed red as painful electricity surged through his body. "Yeah, well, someone once told me to grow a pair or you'd hate me one day."

"Priya," they said in unison, sort of lovingly.

Nicky scratched the back of his neck, suddenly looking extremely nervous. "Y'know... I could never hate you."

"You hate everyone."

"Not you," Nicky insisted, letting out an unsure chuckle. "I wasn't lying when I said you make me crazy."

"Then why did you mess with me like that yesterday?" Jonah questioned before he could stop himself. He really didn't want to hear an apology— rarely was he given a sincere one by someone who hurt him. He didn't want to be the butt of the joke again— but he needed to know how Nicky could just turn around and hurt him like everyone else after promising he never would.

"I panicked when it all got too real. I really do like you, I'm just... I'm afraid," Nicky admitted, releasing his confession with a breath of relief.

Jonah clenched and unclenched his fingers at his sides. "Are you lying again?"

Nicky shook his head determinedly, not brushing away the curls that bounced over his spotted forehead. "No. I'm being serious, dude. I have a crazy huge crush on you, and I really love the idea of doing all that cheesy couple shit with you, even if it's not my thing, because I know it's definitely yours."

"But I'm also fucking terrified of it all," he confessed. "All I know about relationships is that eventually, they end, and I hate that. I hate that nothing can last forever, and I don't want to put myself in a place where I can get hurt, and I don't wanna put you there either. You mean too much to me."

"So you tried to decide what I want for me?" Jonah questioned.

Nicky nodded hesitantly. "Yeah. I did. And it was honestly one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Not because I ruined what could've been a really good relationship— not that that doesn't suck— but because I hurt you, and that was the exact opposite of what I was trying to do."

"You did hurt me," Jonah told him.

"I know."

"You broke my trust."

"I know."

"I felt like I was talking to Drew Max."

This made Nicky pause and Jonah could practically see the wheels turning in his head as his eyes went wide. "Really?"

Jonah shrugged. "Kind of, yeah."

"Shit. I'm so sorry, Jo," he breathed, making the same face of sympathy everyone else did as they watched him get tormented without ever stepping in to help, only his eyes held no pity— only determination, like he was prepared to do anything to make sure it never happened again.

"I can't tell you I won't fuck up again, but I swear I will never make you feel like you're talking to Drew Max when you're with me," he promised. "And if you give me a chance, I'll prove it."

After yesterday, Jonah was sure he'd never trust anyone again. If he couldn't make a real friend in his entire seventeen years of life, he was positive he never would, and he didn't think he wanted to. But even after all that, he couldn't help but feel comfortable around Nicky, even if it wasn't the same as before. Sure, it'd probably take a while for him to put all his trust in him again, but he knew he'd get there.

So he gave his hands one good shake, willed away the scary thoughts that had been popping up relentlessly all morning, and nodded. "Okay. Prove it, Nicky."

Nicky beamed and stood up on his tip toes so he could place a light kiss onto Jonah's cheek, which was surely burning despite the cold of the rink. "Meet me here at ten tonight. Doris already said she'd open the doors for us, so we're not breaking and entering or anything. Okay?"

        Jonah felt frozen in his place, his body jittery with electricity— save for the spot on his cheek Nicky's lips had touched— as he mumbled out an, "okay," three whole minutes after Nicky had left.

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guys I told you it'll all be ok :) boys are just dumb

(also I'm so sorry if this chapter isn't my best writing Wattpad DELETED IT so I had to re write it so I'm sorry :( but I hope you still like it)