The Murderer's Muse [✔]

31.His secret

Juni

I glanced at my phone one last time. The message had flashed on my screen at least an hour ago. The court was still in the procession but all I saw the text. It wasn't much really, it was just a few words. But what got to me was the anticipation, I needed to know the truth.

  I got something

It was just three words and yet my nerves were jagged and my palms sweaty. As much as I wanted to believe the nerves were from the impending decision they were not. I am sure Dani and I will be fine after all this. I mean he possibly couldn't have killed all those people right.  The moment everyone was dismissed I practically ran out of the courtroom. I ignored Cathy's pleas for me to wait or slow down. I needed to see Jake. I needed to know what he found out. I needed to know. 

The drive to Jakes place was silent uneventful and painfully slow. Even with my thoughts swirling around in my head. 

"Hey," Jake said with his usual aloof smile.

"Hey ."

"Okay so on a scale of one to ten how attached are you to the feeling of Dani being your boyfriend?"

"What? I like him if that's what you are asking?"

"Okay, my question is which one is your worst fear about what I could possibly find out?"

Okay, now he was kinda scaring me.  I pushed through the kitchen opening his cupboard for snacks because stress needs snacks, right? 

"Well that he buried some dead guys body and left the keys to the hideout with an Asa?"

"Come on dude really?"  Jake said while pushing up on the counter. " Use your Imagination. "

"Hey how about you just let me know what you found out, the suspense has been killing me all morning. " I said leaning against the wall.

"Yeah so it's no big deal but...he has another family like he is married and he has a kid named Asa. " Jake said uncaringly. 

"Wait, are you saying I am a side piece?"

All of a sudden everything I thought i believed in seemed wrong. Jake was talking now. I had never heard him say more than three paragraphs in one sitting and yet here he was. Yapping over and over again. 

"I need water. " I said before taking a few steps towards the chair "And I need to talk to him. I am sure it's all a misunderstanding. "

Jake scoffed. "How do you 'misunderstand' a whole child? "

"Dammit, Jake! I know you don't like him but now is not the time. My life has just been flipped over!" I screamed while chucking the water bottle somewhere towards my left.

"Now is not the time? Then when? All we ever do is talk about you and Dani. There is no room for anyone else in your life!" He actually started sounding hysterical after that. Like he was becoming unhinged and all these things he kept to himself were now tumbling out of his mouth. 

"I don't understand what your problem is you are not the one who is in love with a possible murderer who has a second family ?" I said scowling at his outburst. 

I gaped at him as he spewed out more words strung along into clumsy sentences. It all felt surreal like watching my life from someone else's eyes.

"You know, the funny thing is...you were so wound up." He paused and laughed before backing me into the wall with this evil maniac look I had never seen on him before.

"  I set you free. I made you human. I let you out of your own prison. And for a time you worshipped me for it. You let me be the person you only let see that side of you. That vulnerable true side of you. Then what he shows up flashes some skin and an ounce of toxicity and I am downgraded to side bitch. What is that? What in the world is that Juni? Do I look like a second option for you? I never come second and definitely not to him!" He continued angrily jabbing a painful index finger into my chest.

I gulped audibly hoping he would give me room to breathe and escape or whatever, break down about my existential crisis. Like what was his problem I had been Jakes friend for a long time now and he had never acted like this before.

"Look Jake maybe we can..." I tried pushing him back softly .

"No..." We both paused as my phone's ringtone blared loudly on the countertop. He grabbed it roughly then read the message that had come through.

"It's Cathy. She says the Jury has made a decision I guess Dani will be someone else's problem soon. " He smiled with a weird twisted version of what used to be his best smile.

"Wait...did she says when they would let him go?"

"Let him go? " he chuckled with deep-seated hatred I felt it in my gut. "Wait even after two-timing you and the murders, not one, by the way, you still want him?"

He shoved me into the wall forcefully now, all anger and blood lust.

"I don't understand what you see in him. I made sure! I tried to protect you! Does he have you under some love spell? "

"What did you do Jake," I whispered into the angry face that stared into my eyes. What did he mean made sure.

"Why did you do it, Jake?" I asked suddenly having a sinking feeling that all this was his fault. I wasn't sure what he did but maybe he would let it slip.

"What do you mean why?  I did it for you, of course, don't you see it. " He actually sounded more hysterical as he jabbed a finger in my shoulder. 

"Yes...actually no, I don't see it. "

"You have a blind spot for attractive people Juni. You could never see past the rose coloured glasses.  So I did it for you because you would not have done it for your self. I was protecting you. Because that's what we do for each other you and I. "

"But there are other simpler ways Jake. " like talking about it I thought silently.

"Are they? You can't possibly be so naive as to believe that, can you? Would you have noticed? Would you have listened? Because I did tell you I didn't like him numerous times. I was there for you and you never saw me for the potential I actually was. You let him be all over you. You let him touch you places and make you vulnerable. You let..." He paused and pinched the bridge of his nose as if there was stress mounting in his face.

" He messes with your mind. You let him place claiming marks all over your body. You let him have what was mine. You let him in places he was never meant to see. You belong to me, Jake! Don't you see, you shouldn't have to let that thing brainwash you into forgetting us. I was always there for you. Flirting with you, giving you space when you needed it. I made you happy like a real boyfriend should and yet you still let him use you. You let him lie to you. Manipulate you and use you like you were nothing.  I could have treated you like the precious treasure you are. "

"I don't belong to anyone Jake. I am my own person. " I said feeling stressed and suddenly realising that maybe just maybe this friendship was just an unhealthy co-dependancy.

"No! No, you are not you are just confused. You are just forgetting that you belong to me and you always have and always will. I made you into who you are. I made you into what you are. I held your hand through all those tears and heartbreaks. I make you happy. You just forgot.  That's all. " he said now shaking.

"Look, Jake...I understand you feel..." I didn't get to finish my thought as I felt something hard hit against my face before blacking out.