TW// S*LF H*RM
i dont care if it isnt the healthiest coping mechanism
i really dont give a fuck
it makes me feel safe and lets me work through my trauma.
at least i dont fucking cut myself anymore.
im so tired of feeling like this, when will the serotonin kick in???? because now instead of feeling sad i feel nothing. apathetic. void. i force myself to talk to the people i love just because i need to for my own mental health.
i cant go long without talking to my best friend or i get anxious
not like im attached to them
they just make me feel better
make me feel safe and happy
the delusion keeps coming back into my mind. i hate it so much. my brain is telling me things that are untrue. and we were supposed to be going on a trip together for roller derby but now another person is coming with us and i know my best feiend will be uncomfortable. they dont know my fucking teammate and it makes me so upset. i want to spend time with my best friend and have fun and be happy. i dont want it to be crashed by my teammate. why are we taking him.not to mention how worried i am about my best friend, i mean who woulsnt be. i know they dont mean to worry me. theyre the best but i cant help it. and i know that theyre goimg to read this and feel bad but i have to get it out otherwise i'll feel worse. listen dude i love you more than anything okay? youre my best fucking friens of course im gonna worry when you stop eating and sleep too much and are acting distant. you dont mean to but you do and you are. im so fucking sorry. i want to be here for you but i dont know what to do or say or how to help and i just
and i wamt to regress but when i regress i talk to my cg and my cg is my best friend and theyre not doing well and just FUCK i wish the people i loved were happy. my best friend has been through so much shit and just
they live in their head and i wish it was different. i wish that one day they'll be happy and healthy. i want it so badly. im not completely void of emotion. like yeah i am feeling a bit apathetic but knowing that my best friend is hurtinf makes my chesy physically hurt. i feel it in my own body and i hate it. i wish they were okay. i just want to hug them and make it all go away. i want it all to fo away.
im so sorry.
YOU ARE READING
personal ig (poetry/vents)
Non-Fictionread to get to know me better than the kids i know irl.