Breathe Me Back To Life •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Forty: This Was No Accident, It Was A Therapeutic Chain Of Events

||Patrick Stump|| First Person||

It was gloomy (the weather and the whole purpose of this event, if you truly want the gritty details). It felt almost cliche even, like the movies. I can't help but remember that one scene at the end of The Amazing Spiderman, mainly because Cole always said she loved that movie. And now it's happening to her. It was raining day and night for the past two days, and everyone who could was carrying umbrellas that tented over our heads. That way, people could distinguish our tears from rain when they hugged us. That way, we could look even worse off.

Her funeral.

The rain burst out from the clouds in a heavy gust, the pellets of water attacking everyone and sinking into the molecules of the suits and dresses of the ones not underneath the shelter of the umbrellas. Nobody dared to speak past the I'm Sorrys thrown at her brother and her parents. A lot of our friends came- Panic! At The Disco came to the funeral, Paramore came, the former members of My Chemical Romance(including Bandit, Gerard's daughter, who didn't understand what was happening and why Cole wasn't here), All Time Low, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, New Politics- practically every single band that knew Cole, or one of us, or one of the bands that came to pay their condolences. Alex Gaskarth looked like someone punched him in the throat when he come up to the Wentzs. Mrs. Wentz was crying so badly when Alex hugged her. Alex also understood what Pete was going through, mainly because he lost his own sibling years before, too. Bronx kept on hitting his dad and screaming at his grandparents, asking where Auntie Cole is and demanding that they bring her back. Kellin Quinn cried a lot, giving Pete a giant bear hug that still couldn't calm him down. Even Jack Barakat's dick jokes were nowhere to be found- he was actually serious for once, silently crying along with practically everyone else. We cancelled the tour almost immediately, a stupid blog post that would never do her any justice left as the second last thing to ever be on the Fall Out Boy website. We couldn't do anything else but bring her back home to Chicago so she could be laid to rest.

"We regret to inform you all today that the Discomposed Composers tour will be ending early, and it will not resume. We will not disclose all details as to why, but a tragedy occurred specifically in the Wentz family. Colby Wentz, Pete's sister, has unfortunately passed away.

We do not know what will happen from here on out, but we also regret to tell you guys that we are going to go on hiatus. It's only in best interest that we try to get back on our feet and figure out what to do from here.

Thank you for understanding,

Joe Trohman, Andy Hurley, Pete Wentz, and Patrick Stump."

The posts were always so stiff and strange, like even the words wouldn't fit together and run smoothly because they were so unreal. It didn't sound like us, and the fans didn't really believe that we ourselves wrote it because of how bitter we sounded. We needed Cole.

Her funeral. She was dead.

My heart felt sick. It felt like maybe it died along with her that night in the bathroom. I loved her, and I still do. I have never been in love with a person like this, and the worst part is that she took her own life away. She wanted out, and she left me behind to pick up the broken pieces. By how happy she was with us that morning in Whistler, you'd never guess the slightest bit that she was going to slash her wrists at night and lie in a bathtub full of warm water. I'll never forget how terrified I was that she might not wake up, how I clung to my best friend's limp body and begged for her to come back to me. I'll never forget about how she looked at me when she woke up. That unfocused, lost look. It was the last time she was able to look at anyone. Because she killed herself.

Pete is on my right. He hasn't said a word to any of us, and he never stopped crying since that night in the hospital when her heart stopped and they pronounced her dead. He's always remembering the time he attempted suicide and blaming himself for being a terrible influence. His face is tinting almost green, like he wanted to puke up the little water Andy forced him to drink this morning. We never will be the same without her, but I don't expect anyone to. She was my everything. I don't want to go on without her, and neither do any of the others.