Upside and Downside

Entry 6

2-23-2020

Part 2, like I said! But before we do that. Can someone please explain to me how this is possible?

Like, there is clearly another book better than mine. Look at the second one. More reads than mine. More votes than mine. And I still somehow got 1st. Please someone explain this to me. It makes no sense whatsoever. Oh well. Anyways! Back to the topic!

Romantic and Lovey Dovey feelings.
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I've never had a boyfriend before. Just wanted to point that out. Although I haven't had a a boyfriend. I've had people confess to me, and I've felt the butterflies in my stomach before. I've flirted before. But... I don't know if these butterflies in my stomach are.... real.
You're probably wondering what the heck I am talking about right now. I learned recently that I have this thing where I get infatuated with boys, before I get to know them. The infatuation may die down or grow. I try to stop it from growing. Before my friend helped me realize this, I unconsciously did this. Grow an attraction towards them. Of course it dies when I learn that they are either immature, unavailable, or they have a crush. That's when my infatuation dies. But then my infatuation may grow again! I hate it. For example, I met someone recently who gave me some butterflies in my stomache. I learned that he did some immature things the week before. (I thought my infatuation would die down then.) But then he somehow gave me butterflies. Again. Btw, this isn't the same person that I was talking about before in my previous. The one who instantly makes my mood better after talking to him. The one who would listen to me. I wish it was him, in all honesty. But this is someone else.

Anyways. That's just an example of this infatuation that I hate. Call me a player or desperate. Either way I just hate this thing that I somehow unconsciously do...

In elementary, I also had a ton of crushes. And looking back, this may have also been because of my unconscious infatuation towards boys. Like these crushes were just like player moves. After like a month of liking them, I switch towards someone else. Or after my friends tell them that I like them, I just go ahead and stop liking them because I know they don't like me that way. It's weird, but also some people confessed to me apparently. I only remember two. One was because they wouldn't stop bothering me that entire week, and the other one... I just didn't expect him to like me. I had to turn them both down. One was because I didn't like them that way. Another was because I wasn't suppose to date. Lol XD. Ironic that I had crushes and wasn't allowed to date.

After 4th grade, I slowly stopped having extreme I start crushes like I did before. And I didn't have any crushes till freshman year! Or rather the summer before my freshman year. That's when I noticed my infatuation start to take place. I didn't think much of it cause I was oblivious to the fact that I had this infatuation thing.

But now that I think about it, it's because new people are entering my life. New boys are entering my life. In middle school, I started homeschool. I didn't really meet anyone new besides the other people at my church. I began getting really lonely then. I had downloaded discord but rarely used it till 2019 summer or spring. That's when my friend invited me to his server, which resulted to me going to a new server. Which resulted to me meeting new people and boys. And I ended up meeting him. The one who makes my whole day a lot brighter. The one who makes me smile wider than it already is. The one who makes me 100% sure that my smile is real......
Why does this sound like a fairy tale?
He's told me that he likes me too. At that time I said that I liked him too, but that I was too young to date and whatever. I also said that we'll see how this goes. Then we stopped talking for a while. Then Christmas I talked to him again! Or maybe new year's. Either way, I'm glad I spoke to him again. Lol we were both unsure whether to text first or not. I ended up texting first. 😊

I'm glad I did. We both were. I remember I had so much anxiety. I was talking to another friend, when he replied. I was teasing my friend saying that he liked my other friend. Then I saw his message and started freaking out. I was like "Dude! Dude!!! He texted back!! What do I say?? Should is say Hi??" This is also another goes back to my anxiety thing. I have the weirdest anxiety moments, I feel like.
Anyways my friends like, "Go talk to him now while he's still here." I gathered up all my courage to say hi back. After that, our conversation flowed naturally.

Lol, before this new year's I didn't have an age limit of when I could date. Before I didn't date cause I thought that I was simply to young. Then someone confessed to me on New Years. A different guy. He confessed and I was in the same room with my cousin and sister. After he spoke, I paused and said sorry. My sister new exactly what had took place and started shaking me like, "Are you serious?!?!?!"
My cousin was still confused about what had happened. I explained to her after the call. (He called me on the phone, which is kinda awkward for me 'cause, you know, anxiety). Anyways, like two days after, I told my mom that someone confessed to me. I told her what had happened and she was asking for details and such. Then, she told my dad what I told her that evening. My dad went ballistics and said, "You can't date till you're 21. When you're an adult." It was kinda funny hearing him go ballistics. Like he kept telling my mom that I'm too young. And its not like I said yes to the guy either. He kept showing her this Taylor Swift song called "15" saying, "I thought taylor swift was young in this song, and Alisa is only 14!!!!!"
This is the first confession that my parents know of. I had told my older Male cousin (different one than before) about how many confessions that I got. My mom had told her sister, my aunt, about my confession. And my aunt kept saying how she was proud of me.
Anyways, like I said there was a death in the family, and all the cousins decided to take a road trip to kinda just have fun and relieve stress. We all grew closer together too! Anyways, the same cousin I had told before brought up our conversation about Confessions and dating. Then all my cousins were like, "Someone said that they liked you?!?!" And I was like, "yeah.... Seven of them." My aunt kept saying how proud she was of me to turn down all seven.
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This entry did not go the way I wanted it too. I was suppose to talk about my opinion. I'm not even sure I started what I wanted to say. All I got were stories in here. Anyways bottom line was suppose to be that butterflies can be fake or real, and I can't differentiate between those two, but now I'd rather say more stories. And this entry is well over do. I'm almost gonna hit 1300 words.

But then again, if we minus the part  about me baffling ar how I got #1 for RandomThoughts then this should be a regular sized entry. Also, I'm very curious as to who is reading this. I mean this is all pretty dumb and stupid to be honest. Even my sister says so and she hasn't even read it. XD. Anyways, Comment what you think about Love and what you want to hear about next. I have a few topical in mind... I'm such a weirdo. I ask for what you want, but I tell you that this "diary" is for my wellbeing.

But I do want to hear what you think. And what you would like to hear about. That way I don't feel like an idiot for publishing such a dumb book. Also, I kinda want to put poetry on here, but I feel like it's kinda stereotypical. Oh well. I may just put another entry about poems.

Anyways enough chit chat. I'm gonna reach 1500 words soon. Until my next entry, See yah~

-Lisa

P.S: Should I also start posting pictures too? Like aesthetic photos so we can get some vibe going on? That's all, please comment and like. Bye bye! 😊