I Want You Here When I Wake Up

16

Harry's POV

I must have slept for close to an entire day because for the first time in almost a month I'm not completely drained when my eyes catch the light. I've been awake for maybe an hour and I haven't moved, I'm still clutching the green sweatshirt to my chest. I can't bring myself to let it go, it's the only thing I have left of Louis. And right now. Right now I need him, as stupid as it sounds I need him because he hurt me.

Draped over the other pillow on my bed lies the Leeds t-shirt. So much is represented in the little piece of fabric. That weekend was the best time I've ever had in my life, the entire time I was just like everybody else just enjoying the music and dancing with my best friend, but the mention that's one of the first times we ever truly hung out, just the two of us. It was also the night that Louis was the most vulnerable, it was the night he told me about how he believed in soulmates and how the stars connect with them. So I laid there with my heart being exposed to the harsh elements of life, the whole in my chest being replaced by a dark emptiness.

A soft knock was placed in the door and soon my mother came walking in. "Harry, I think it's time to talk for a second."

I didn't move but I didn't resist so she continued her talking;

"I read the end of the note honey. I saw the pill bottles."

I could tell by her voice she was on the verge of tears herself.
" I made an appointment for you"
I stiffened immediately, that was the last thing I needed at the moment
.
"I know you hate doctor's baby but Louis is right, you can't keep going on like this" 

as much as I hated going to doctor appointments. I hated making my mother upset even more and I was too emotionally drained to put up a proper fight.

" you need to go ahead and get up and shower your appointment is in a few hours" with a slight pat on my back she got up and left.

It took me another thirty minutes before I finally pulled myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. On my way I grabbed the Leeds t-shirt and stuffed it in a drawer, I would never get rid of it but at the moment I could look at everything I've just lost.

I can't remember the last time I took a shower but the steaming water the rained down my aching body felt amazing. I didn't step out until my skin was bright red from the heat. I wrapped myself in a fluffy towel and that's when I saw my reflection. I looked awful, I looked how I felt. Broken. The dark bags underneath my eyes made it look like I had been punched in my face, scraggly evidence of a beard trying so desperately to grow and my eyes didn't serve a purpose anymore. I quickly left to go get dressed before I got too much in my head.

Just because I was leaving the airmen's didn't mean I needed to dress fancy for I threw in an old pair of grey sweatpants and a slim fitting black t-shirt. It's not like anybody's gonna care what I look like anyway, these appointments always end the same. I slip on a pair of tennis shoes and walk back into the living area to find my mom sitting on the couch watching some reality tv show.

"Are you ready to go" for the first time since she arrived there was a hint of hope in her voice, I tried my best not to crush it but I wasn't as hopeful as her, after all, hope gets you nowhere in life.

" yeah," I mumbled. I grabbed my keys and headed for the door. I held it open gesturing for my mother to go before me, just like she taught me. Standing in the doorway she stopped and looked at me.
"Honey, go grab it. I know you need it"

Her words led to the confusing look plastered across my face.

"What? What do you mean?"

" you know exactly what I mean. Now go grab it and meet me by the car"

I sighed at her demand but I knew she was right. If I could have him with me in person I still needed a piece of him with me, so I walked back into my bedroom and grabbed his sweatshirt then ran out back out the door to meet my mother.

The drive wasn't long but it felt like it took hours.

The typical London rain has stopped for the day leaving behind a blanket of humid air, leaving me feeling sticky and gross. Ugh. When mom parked the car, yeah she insisted on driving, I didn't make a move to suggest getting out of the car and walking inside like I know I should. I sat there, head pressed against the window, squeezing the green fabric between my hands, and trying to focus on staying calm.

"Harry you have to go in there with an opened mind, these doctors are the best professionals in the country. I know they'll be able to help you." Silence rang out through the car, i knew she was probably right having that whole mother's intuition thing but it's not like I can forget the six other doctors who told me I was crazy or said I was faking my pain just to get some pills. It terrifying to put yourself out on the line when you know you're just gonna be crush again. And this time who would be there for me? It's not like she can stay by my side forever, she has her own life to live, besides it already caused one person to leave me. Who's to say she won't get tired of it either?