STAY

Chapter 3

Troye

Years have already passed and up until now, Sven and I still treat each other like strangers.

I still can't believe na hanggang ngayon, kaklase pa rin kami pero magkalayo na ng inuupuan. He was no longer there by my side when I needed him the most. Tuwing binubully ako ng ibang kamag-aral ko, wala siya para maprotektahan ako. He promised that he would always be there to protect me pero ni minsan ay wala siya sa tabi ko. He broke his promise.

Papunta na ako sa cafeteria dala ang order ko mula sa canteen nang may biglang bumangga sa'kin.

“Oops. Sorry. 'di kita nakita. Ang lampa mo kasi.” sabi ng isang lalaki na bumunggo sa'kin.

Kukunin ko na sana ang chips at boxed beverage ng fresh milk na in-order ko nang isa sa kanila ay inapakan ang chips ko at bumutok yun dahilan para magkandatapon ang laman. Same goes with the beverage pero inapakan ulit at natapon ang laman papunta sa mukha ko. I was soaked with cold milk.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang hayaan silang lahat sa cafeteria na pagtawanan na lang ako. Kinuha ko yung chips mula sa sahig. Meron pa namang natitira kaya ayos lang 'tong kainin. As for the beverage, inilagay ko na sa basurahan para walang kalat.

I tried to dry myself a bit gamit ang handkerchief na niregalo ni Sven sa'kin dati. I was a pitiable sight but it's not like I have a choice. Ever since I started High School, naging ganito na kamiserable ang buhay ko.

Idagdag mo pa ang pagkawala ni Sven bilang napakaimportante at nag-iisa kong kaibigan.

I looked ahead and saw him. For the first time in three years, tiningnan niya ulit ako sa mata. But his stare was different. It only brought me pain.

Sven was staring at me while kissing someone. Obviously, a girl. Probably one of his flings again.

Simula kasi nung nangyari ang araw na yun, iniwasan na ako ni Sven at naging babaero na siya. Not that I'm against his hobby of collecting different girls and having a one night stand with them, hindi ko lang talaga siguro tanggap na kinalimutan na niya ako na kaibigan niya. Para sa'n pa ang five years na pagkakaibigan namin kung mauuwi lang sa ganito?

Busy siya makipaglaplapan sa babae niya but his eyes were focused on me. I smiled his way despite it being so painful for me to do.

I was the first one to break our staring contest. It only took us a matter of seconds. I can't stand looking at him. Not in this state. Hindi ko talaga kaya.

Club activities just ended. Nagsi-uwian na ang mga kasamahan ko sa Music Club. Ako na lang ang natira sa club room.

I decided to play the piano for a little bit more. I played Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. It's one of my favorite piece.

“Ba't 'di ka pa umuuwi?” tanong ng pamilyar na boses na nagpatalon sa'kin dahil sa sobrang gulat.

What the hell? Anong ginagawa niya dito? Nag-skip ba sya sa club nila? Ang alam ko until 4PM ang practice ng basketball club unlike us na 3:30 ang uwian.

“Anong... Ginagawa mo dito, Sven?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Hoy, may pabor akong hihingiin sa'yo.” sabi niya sa'kin.

“Ano naman yun?” tanong ko.

This is the first time he ever talked to me again. His hand landed on my shoulder. I couldn't help but to look at it, then his face.

“Sa susunod, 'wag mo nang gawing mukhang kawawa ang sarili mo tuwing kaharap ako. Naiintindihan mo?” tanong niya sa'kin.

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa. I was just looking at him in horror while I meet his cold eyes.

“Yun lang. Alis na ako.” sabi niya at umalis na nga ng club room.

What the... He's... So unfair.

I was deeply sad. Tears escaped my eyes once again just like the other days and years I spent crying for him. I'm such a crybaby.

Inalis ko na ang mga luha sa mga pisngi ko. I can't always be like this.

I faced the piano. Suddenly, I remembered the first piano piece we both played together. I played a few of its keys. It was Für Elise by Ludwig Van Beethoven.

I suddenly stopped playing and just sat in front the piano for a while. I burrowed my face unto my arms. I cried silently.

“Sven, pasensya na. Imposible kasi ang hinihingi mo, eh. Hanggang ngayon kasi, hindi ako sanay na wala ka sa tabi ko.” pag-amin ko sa sarili ko.

Yes, I still couldn't fix myself. I'm a total mess. Hindi ko kaya na ako lang. Everyone treated me like a child, especially Sven. I lived with that treatment ever since. Ngayong feeling ko na mag-isa na lang ako, hindi ako sanay.

Maybe I just became too dependent with him. I've had been long for him. I need him... Always.

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I decided to walk from school to home. Just then, I saw Sven with another one of his girls. A new one, again. Hindi yata nakuntento sa babaeng nakapaglaplapan niya kanina sa cafeteria.

I saw my bike at the open parking lot. Oo nga pala. Nakalimutan kong nag-bike nga pala ako papuntang school kaninang umaga. Akala ko sumakay ako sa school bus. I changed my decision. Sasakay na lang ulit ako ng bike pauwi. Baka nakawin pa ng kung sino itong bike ko.

I learned to ride the bike without having Sven to teach me how to do so. It was my first time. Naalala kong andami kong natamong galos no'n. It was painful. I even got scars on my knees pero naghilom na rin naman ang mga yun.

I wore my headset and played a random song on my playlist. I rode my bike and I saw how surpirsed Sven was when our eyes met. As usual, ako na naman ang naunang pumutol ng pagtitigan namin. I neither felt happy nor sad. I just felt like I was empty.

Umulan habang nag-bike ako pauwi. Medyo binilisan ko rin ang pagpapatakbo ko kaya naaksidente ako habang tinatahak ko ang kalsada papauwi.

“I'm home.” I said the momemt I entered the house but my parents were away. Silly me.

I took the first aid kit from one of the kitchen drawers and groaned in pain as I aided myself. I'm still not used to this. Mas dumoble lang ang pangungulila ko.

Mom and dad are always away for medical missions. Kaya naman lagi na akong mag-isa simula no'ng first year ko sa high school.

I tried to be independent pero hindi ko pala kaya. Kaya ko naman linisan ang buong bahay na ako lang mag-isa. Kaya ko naman magluto ng sarili kong pagkain na ako lang mag-isa. Kaya ko namang alagaan ang sarili ko nang mag-isa. Pero nalulungkot ako dahil ako lang lagi mag-isa.

It's lonely here.

I went upstairs and locked myself inside my room. I was met with the memories of him again.

I'm an idiot. Bakit ko nga ba pinapasok ang lalaking yun sa kwarto ko dati? Everything about him just gives me pain.

Mom even changed the bed sheet to how it was before. Pati na ang mga punda at ang kumot. On top of my pillow was the game Sven and I always played. This is the worst.

I took the game tape above my pillow and threw it outside my veranda with all my might. I panted hard as I was successful. I don't wanna fcking see that stuff in my room again.

I let my bedding be. I just changed to some comfortable clothes I could wear. I'm so tired. I don't know why but I feel so heavy. Maybe I overworked myself again today. This often happens.

Just then, I forgot everything, even my homework, and immediately fell asleep.

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To be continued...