its been months since i picked up writing but i think the intuition of writing rises without notice. it just comes to you at times when u needed it the most as if your mind needed a temporary residence and escapade from reality to protect your inner peace in order to find your value, morality and integrity amongst decisions that you have to make everyday.
Today I traced my fingertips circularly along the edge of the wine cup. The icy sensation of the glass touched my fingertips as immediate as these repetitive thoughts arose on my mind like seasonal waves upon the shore of the summer beach in late july. it was these repulsive thoughts that occupied my mind such as soft caresses of flesh under the warm sheets of the hotel bed, tracing the sumptuous curves from my waist to the round hip as i arched my back to release that flirtatious sigh from my lips, tender kisses of two mouths colliding with twirling wet tongues and feeling the satisfaction of penetration beneath as he held me tight in his arms with his finger shoving into my mouth with my tongue twirling against his, as if rehearsing the next dance i'd perform when i buried my head in his hips. all these thoughts has collided with captures of memories from a past that i couldnt differentiate from delusion and memory, as i vaguely remember someone who has never touched me as intimately with my body against his so closely, but has undoubtedly touched my soul against his so closely as if my breath had been taken away under his presence and unmoving gaze upon wherever i go. someone who has never touched me but has shaken my heart with poetic paraphrases and lyrical songs that we shared, under the slight faint ive felt from the over inhalation of shisha smoke in my lungs as i breathe them out between my lips smeared with feminine red from the dior lipstick ive carried with me, and his carnal stare transfixed on my lips, with his face so close to mine that i feel like i have been suffocated by this tension since then, as i have felt this suffocation till now, as if his presence has prisoned me like my mind has never left his, at the back of my mind as i recalled how he always preferred to stand close behind me just over my shoulder like a gentleman who watches their woman in place.
up till here my train of thoughts melted by the hot water tickled from the shower, as waterdrops fell on my skin as forgettable as the shivering touches of these two men left on my body, untraceable, but has never failed to leave my memory.
i never thought intimacy with love can be this strong, so strong that my emotion has been dragged along by them, all my feelings to the external world has been dominated by their behaviour, filled with pleasant dreams and feelings, slowly fabricate its way to the reality as memories formed and story unfolds.
