My heart was in the right place, but my mind was not. I laid in Jinxx's bed with him, not being able to fall back asleep. Erik had gotten to me really badly, and I kept waking up every hour so from thinking about it too much.
Jinxx was snoring softly, and it was really cute the way he did. I knew I was lucky to have him, and in my heart I felt like he could be the one. The other half of me said to ignore whatever my heart felt, because my judgement is usually wrong.
I got up slowly and quietly, and left the warmth of Jinxx's arms to go down the stairs quietly. I grabbed my coat and put it on, and put on my pair of TOMS. I went out the door quietly, and closed the door behind me. I walked into the cool night and thought about everything that was going on.
Was I crazy for thinking about Erik again? I felt as if it would be unfair to Jinxx if he knew I was thinking about other men besides him, but I don't know if I would ever be able to let this go. I have issues with trust, and all I know is that I feel like I'm going to be less open to Jinxx. It wasn't his fault at all, don't get me wrong, I only have myself to blame for this whole thing.
Erik was terrible to me, so why should I even care? I never loved him and he never loved me, it was as simple as that. I thought I loved him though, but looking back on it, it wasn't real love. It was a charade that he put on that tricked girls into thinking he loved them. When you finally thought he loved you, he beat you up emotionally leaving you alone.
I finally realized where I was, and noticed that I had walked almost twenty blocks. I shivered a little from the cold and decided it was best if I made my way back to Jinxx's house. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and hung my head low as I walked back. This whole situation was driving me mad.
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I eventually made my way back to Jinxx's house and I entered the house quietly.
"Where did you go?"
I heard Jinxx's voice come from behind me in the living room and I jumped. I turned around and saw that he was sitting on the couch.
"I just went for a little walk. I couldn't sleep." It wasn't a total lie.
"Well you should have woke me up, I would've went with you." Jinxx said.
"I didn't want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful."
Jinxx paused for a moment, "Is something bothering you? You know you can talk to me about it, right?"
I cringed a little thinking of the thought of Erik, "Yeah, I'm fine. Trust me." Total lie.
Jinxx nodded a little, and I didn't know if he bought it or not. We were silent for a few moments and I took my coat off and placed it on a chair.
"You want to go to bed then?" I asked.
"Alright." Jinxx replied. He came over by me and took my hand and led me up the stairs. We climbed into his bed and laid down. I cuddled into his chest.
"You do know you can tell me anything." Jinxx murmured softly into my ear.
I nodded and murmured back, "I know."
We both fell silent then, and I heard the faint sound of Jinxx's snoring. After some time I fell into deep sleep, and drifted away into the darkness. Sometimes I felt like sleep is the only way I can forget about everything.
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I woke up early the next morning, and sat up slowly. Jinxx was still sleeping-figures. I climbed put of his bed and pulled on one of his sweatshirts. It smelt like him, and I smiled to myself. I went downstairs to go get something to eat, and hopefully try and go back to bed.
I went into Jinxx's refrigerator and my eyes widened. There was food everywhere. I didn't know how he managed to stuff all of the food in there. I sighed and decided I should probably clean his refrigerator out for him, since I had nothing better to do.
As I was cleaning out his refrigerator, I noticed how much of his food was basically rotten. I plugged my nose at the smell and grabbed a garbage bag, tossing a lot of the food in it. Unfortunately, I made too loud of a noise because I heard Jinxx get up then.
"Fuck.." I mumbled.
I grabbed the garbage bag and quickly went outside to throw it away. Now I'm not the strongest of all people, so I actually had to drag the bag outside. I was lucky that the bag didn't rip on me.
I heard Jinxx coming down the stairs when I went back into the kitchen. He slowly made his way into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes trying to adjust to the light.
"What are you doing up?" He asked sleepily.
"Oh you know, just cleaning out your refrigerator for you, trying to find some food." I smirked at him.
Jinxx's eyes widened then, "Fuck, I forgot to clean that out before you came over. You must think I'm such a slob now, don't you?"
I just laughed at him, "I've seen worse, trust me. But I cleaned it out for you, and we might have to take a trip to the grocery store."
Jinxx blushed a little, "Sorry for making you clean that out.."
I shook my head, "It's fine, really."
He smiled and came over and hugged me, "You're the best."
I smiled and hugged him back, "Mmm, I wouldn't say the best."
Jinxx laughed and shook his head a little, "You want me to just run to the store? I think you could use a few more house of sleep."
I nodded a little, "Yeah, that actually sounds really nice." I kissed his cheek gently.
"I'll see you when I get back then, alright?" He asked me.
I smiled, "Alright, I'll see you when you get back, lovely."
Jinxx grinned, "So first 'honey' and now 'lovely,' huh? I like it." He kissed my lips real quick and sweet and went to the door. I watched him as he put his coat and shoes on. He looked so peaceful, and I couldn't help but smile to myself.
Jinxx stood up and looked over at me then, "I'll see you later, sweetheart."
I smiled and gave him a small wave, "Bye!"
Jinxx waved and left, and I made my way up stairs and crawled into Jinxx's bed. I tried to fall asleep then, laying on JiInxx's side of the bed. The bed sheets smelt like him, and I smiled to myself. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard my phone ring.
I sighed and slowly grabbed my phone and answered it.
"..Hello?"
"Jane? It's me, Erik. I just wanted to apologize from what happened in the grocery store."
I froze completely, "How the hell did you get my number?
I heard Erik chuckle a little, "Lets just say that I have my ways."
I started to shake a little. I haven't had really bad anxiety since Erik and I dated, and I felt it coming back. I had to get medication and see someone once a week to talk over my "issues."
"E-Erik please stop trying to communicate with me.." I tried my hardest to be brave.
"Jane you can't get rid of me that easily. Although I do remember you would request my presence back then. Whatever happened to that?"
I felt like I was going to cry. I wanted to say that it was because I thought that I loved him, but I had no voice for that.
"Just please stop!" I hung up on him then and turned my phone off. I pressed my face into Jinxx's pillow and cried. I didn't want to hide my feelings anymore because it only hurt more.
I didn't know if I could get out of this situation this time. I knew what Erik's plan was-to eat me away until I gave in.
I wasn't sure if Madison could help me out of this one. She always helped me, but I just wasn't sure this time.
I just really don't know, and that's the worst part.
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Note: I'm sorry that it took so long to upload this! School has been eating away my time, stupid school xD Anyways, I'll try and start working on the next chapter as soon as possible! Thanks guys!:D
