jemina // sirius black

twenty-one

chapter twenty one - serious

I spent the first two weeks of July avoiding Sirius like the plague. 

He seemed to respect that, as all I had to do to avoid him was not go into his childhood bedroom or the living room. He took up my favorite pastime, staring at the little shrine of photos that I had of my brother and my best friend. 

A few days after I got home, I carefully made my way downstairs to sit in the living room for a while before going to make dinner. Remus and Esme had been very good about helping me, and even Sirius offered help a few times. I always reminded him of that poor pecan pie, and he would back off with a smile. 

I just wanted to see James, but Sirius was sitting on the couch when I walked in. 

"Oh, hi."

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. You?"

"Great."

"Cool."

"Did you need anything?"

"No. I just... I like to sit and watch the photos sometimes. It gives me peace of mind, keeps their memory fresh in my head. It's been longer since you've seen them, so I'm just going to go start dinner."

"Do you need help?"

"Remember the pie?"

"Alright, be careful?"

"Of course."

I slid out of the living room and leaned against the closed door. My heart was, once again, hammering in my chest. I hated how nervous Sirius made me. 

Though it was better than being alone with Remus, who stared at me like I was an injured gazelle. If he wasn't treating me like a fragile little bird, he was asking what I planned to do about the whole Sirius thing. 

Remus tried, and failed to hide the jealousy whenever Sirius and I interacted during dinner. He tried so hard, and failed so miserably, whenever he asked if I planned to take Sirius back. I could see the envy in his eyes whenever Sirius made me laugh, but what was I supposed to do? Ice my husband out just to coddle Remus' feelings? 

He left me. 

They both did. 

Any choices I made about who I was going to 'take back', or forgive, was mine to make. 

If I had to take both of their feelings into account whenever I made a decision about my love life, I would end up single forever. Remus and Sirius would both always be jealous of whoever I dated, even if it was neither of them. 

Had I even thought that Sirius would break out of Azkaban and return to me, I never would have dated Remus. 

Because in the end, we all know who I'll choose. 

A week before Aubrey's 14th birthday, I was sitting in the living room planning some sort of get together for her. I wanted to invite the Weasleys, and I wanted to invite Harry too. Her birthday was only a few days before his, and I figured it would be nice to celebrate both occasions together. 

He'd been writing us, Sirius and I, quite frequently. He wrote to Sirius more often, typically sending a few letters at a time. I think he was just overjoyed to have a father figure. 

It was just the day before that Harry told me that Sirius talked about me more often than what Harry had actually written him about. I wasn't surprised, according to Lilian, all he did was talk about me.