The Inner Workings of a Depressed Teenager

Chapter 12

In the days that followed I fell back into the routine of school quickly. My teachers caught me up and with great effort on part, I caught up and was back to learning in two days time. DJ was supportive, trying not to bother me while I was working.

But it was at night when I having problems. Now that I no longer relied on cutting to get rid of the awful feelings inside, my subconscious was trying to work it out in my dreams. 

My dreams contorted into violent nightmares, about mom mostly, but sometimes about DJ. I felt like that cliché girl who falls in love in two seconds and hangs on her boyfriend every second of every day.

I wouldn't tell DJ, not because I didn't trust him but because I was afraid. So afraid. It seemed fear was now the predominant emotion in my life. The always-present cloud that hung over me. I was afraid of losing DJ, of seeing mom, of what I could do to myself if I cut again, and if I did, that I would lose DJ. 

DJ, DJ, DJ. 

I was always thinking about him. Even when I tried not to, his face would pop into my mind. He basically single-handily controlled my thought process.

But school was a distraction through all the badness, it was the one thing that kept me sane. I had always loved school. But now, it seemed that music was taking over my life as well.

After I got out of the hospital I started seeing Dr. Thredson on a regular basis. Twice a week, on Monday and Thursday's. We would talk and he suggested I take up music, and instrument or chorus as a therapeutic thing. Something for me to focus on as I got better.

I had joined chorus, and found that I loved singing. It filled me with satisfaction. That if I worked hard enough for something, I could turn it into something beautiful. I was pretty good too. My chorus teacher, Mr. Pafer, pushed us hard in the best way possible.

He believed in us.

I never had that feeling that someone actually cared. It was something so new; it took me a few days to recognize the feeling as such. My dad loved me, but never pushed me to succeed.

I never had to work for anything in my life. My studies came naturally, I had no need for a job, I was antisocial, so no clubs or teams. This whole working nonsense gave me a purpose.

I was thinking about this as I drove to my appointment with Dr. Thredson. I turned the radio, loud, the way I liked it.

Nothing was on, only trashy pop. I pushed in my CD of Panic! At The Disco.

And I believe, this may call for a proper introduction well, don't you see; I'm the narrator and this is just a prologue.

 I bobbed my head in time, singing along.

I stopped at a stop sign looking both ways. 

And then everything went black.

****

I know, it's short. I know. I'm so sorry, but as of right now the only computer available to me is the library at school.

 

I'm sorry for the wait but as I said before, no computer. It's a bitch to type a good story on a phone.

 

So, I should be updating fairly regular from now on.

 Hope you enjoy!!!

 Love and Cliffhangers,

 Kelsey xoxo