unsteady//rye beaumont(rewrite)

five.

daniella

I've been staying with the guys for over a week now and I still wasn't making any progress. It was bad during the day, but I tried to hide it from everyone. It would go away for a bit and I would be able to have fun and laugh with the guys, but then it'd hit me. It was like a sick joke. Like, it gave me a taste of happiness, then ripped it away from me in the blink of an eye.

It got worse at night when everybody was asleep. Most nights, I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor with blood running down my leg and muffled cried.

I wouldn't sleep for more than a couple hours a night, but nobody seemed to realize. Well, Mikey did ask me once and a while how I slept because I guess he caught onto how I have trouble sleeping, but he never straight up said anything.

Most of the time, while the guys were having fun, I would sit there and think of every abnormal thing about me. How I have a voice in my head telling me I'm never good enough. Or how I would never be as pretty as the rest of the girls.

"Everything okay, Dani?" Rye questioned as he sat beside me on my bed.

I snapped myself out of the dark thoughts and nodded. "Just thinking, that's all."

"When I start overthinking, I like to tell myself that if it won't matter in 5 years, then why worry now," he told me, with a hint at a soft smile. From the little while I've been here, I've noticed that Rye never really smiles. He has fun and everything, but he just doesn't smile. And if he does, he'll hide his face casually.

I took his words into consideration when the thoughts came back. The trouble I had was that I couldn't think 5 years into the future. All I could see was me not making it.

Rye must've noticed how upset I was getting, so he threw an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. He didn't know what was going on in my head, but he seemed to know exactly what to do. It got me thinking. Did he feel the way I do?

If he did, I would be willing to take all that pain and put it into myself. I'd take the worlds pain if I could just to see everyone happy.

"My mum suffered from chronic depression when I was younger," Rye explained. "My older brother and I took care of her for most of our childhood."

I looked up at him, not knowing what to say. "I'm so sorry. It's really the worst thing anyone could go through."

"You're not alone, Dani. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm a good listener."

"Thank you. Can I ask how you knew? Did Brooklyn say something?" I questioned, getting ready to cuss out my brother.

"He didn't say anything. I could just see it."

I guess I wasn't hiding it as well as I had hoped.

"Wait, where did everyone go?" I questioned, realizing that the apartment was quiet.

"The movies," he explained.

"And you didn't go?"

"Wasn't interested in the movie. Anyway, I've gotta edit the new vlog," he shrugged, but I felt like there was more to that. I didn't question it though. "Since they're all watching some dumb movie, wanna watch a better one?"

"Sure."

He hopped off the bed and waited for me before guiding me to his room. I questioned him on it since we were already in the living room, but he just said his bed in comfy. I couldn't argue with that.

He flopped down on the bed and grabbed his laptop. He moved over to give me room and I awkwardly sat down next to him.

"What are you feelin?" he asked once he got the Netflix home page set up.

"I don't really care."

I watched as he searched for a movie, then found one. It seemed interesting so I approved.

Halfway through the movie, I could feel my eyes grow heavy and Rye noticed. So, he pulled me closer to him so my head now rested on his chest.

I tried to stay awake for as long as possible, but ended up falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.