Love Problems

Secrets Hurts to Keep and to Tell

- I haven't updated since June so make sure to read the author note at the bottom for some cool updates about my life. This is a time skip to current time so bare with me -

Zoe's POV

Well it's been awhile and to answer the question yes me and Connor are still together but I just don't know he's seems off, he's seemed off for awhile now. Like he wants to tell me something but can't get up the courage to do it, I just wish he would tell me. Today I hope to get it out of him if it's the last thing I do. It's been a rough year for Connor, I understand that but he's avoiding and slightly it's scaring me, I got up out of bed and got ready to go confront Connor.
I put on black jeans, and white tee and a grey cardigan, and left my hair down. I was ready to walk out the door when a sudden wave of worry hit me lick a brick. I can't confront him what if he gets mad, I don't want him mad at me! Well I have to do this, I have to grow some girl balls and confront him!
I pulled up to his apartment and made my way to his floor. I used the key he gave me and opened the door going to straight up to his room to find him editing like always.
"Hey Zoe, what are you doing here?" He asked sounding worried.
"Do you hate me?"
"Excuse me?" he stood up and walked over to me.
"You've been so distant, I started to notice like two months after my birthday. Was my sex bad and that's why you don't love me anymore?"
"What? No Zoe the sex wasn't bad and I could never stop caring about you.
"So what is it then? Please just tell me Connor!" I said refusing to let tears fall.
"Zoe, I'm so sorry you don't ever have to forgive me I mean I wouldn't! You have every right to hate me, I'm so sorry."
"You didn't che-" he cut me off.
"No I'm gay." my heart stopped and I froze.
"Please say something."
"How long did you know"
"About a month after we had sex(i changed his real story a bit for story purposes) I felt attracted to you Zoe actually for quit some time, but I don't know a few months ago it just didn't feel it anymore I couldn't just tell you I didn't want to hurt you and here we are now."
"Well I'm glad you can be who you really are." I broke a smile.
"So you're not mad?"
"no, you were in a tough place I understand, but how many people knew before me?"
"everyone." that stung.
"oh, well I'll get going then, see you soon Connor." I walked always with a swirl of emotions going through my brain. I wanted to be mad but I just couldn't, I'm truly happy for him but wish he could of found happiness without breaking my heart. Who would I go to about this, Joey's all the way in the UK and isn't coming home for one to two months. I started driving to the next best place, the o2l house.
I parked my car and walked up to the house and rang the bell for it to be opened by Kian.
"Hey is Ricky here?"
"uh no he's out with Reagan, but maybe I can help?" He asked guiding me in and up to his room and we sat down on his bed and stared at my feet still trying to hold back tears.
"did Connor tell you?" I nodded and he pulled me in for a hug and I explained to him how I felt.
"You know it's ok to feel mad and or sad about this."
"But it must of been so hard for him to tell anyone let alone me, I just feel so selfish."
"You aren't selfish for having feelings."
"What if I am? What if he hates me for being mad? I don't want to lose Connor as a friend!" I cried but I started to feel my chest getting tight, oh god no not in front of Kian. My chest was tight and my breathing was very un steady. Kian saw this and pulled be back into a hug and just held it.
"It's ok Zoe, I'm here for you, everything's going to be alright." He whispered into my hair trying to calm me down.
eventually I calmed down left with slightly hiccupy breaths.
"Now let's do whatever you want."
"We have the house to ourselves so let's have a sleepover."
"Yeah the couples can have their lovey fun while we have awesome fun!"
"Ricky and Reagan aren't official yet though."
"I've got a bet going on with Jc I think he's gonna ask her before the end of this year he thinks he's going to chicken out and push it off."
"You two are horrible, I like it."
We did a bunch of fun things I knew Kian was trying to get my mind off Connor but it wasn't working.
___________________________________
Whoa are any of you still here, sorry I've been gone so long, I haven't updated since DigiFest NYC and now it's after playlistlive tri-state where I met so many amazing youtubers that I love! I met Ricky and he was so sweet and tall and cute, he was the only me member of o2l I met but I'm very happy with all the youtubers I did get to meet! You can see picture on my Instagram @/girlalmightey it's not everyone I met if you really want to they are all on Twitter @/settledownjack you'd have to go pretty far back though haha. Trevor followed me on twitter so now I have 3/6 if any of you care. So I guess that's really it, if I don't update again before the new year.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year
2014 was actually more good then it was bad and I'm really thankful for that.

-Lots of love mariah xx