The Prime Minister, an alumnus of the country's finest private school and university, drummed his fingers on the great table that almost filled the Cabinet Office. "We really must have a plan." He smoothed back his shock of white hair before continuing. "Something to show hoi pollloi that we mean business, yah?"
There was silence as various ministers of state looked uncomfortably at each other. The Prime Minister was a man who craved admiration and who wanted to be popular. He wasn't too concerned about the details of policy, so long as the policy made him look good in front of the public. Anybody who could guarantee the Prime Minister what he wanted was guaranteed to be his 'special chum'. The down side was that anyone who spoke up would find themselves ridiculed by the rest of the cabinet, desperate to advance their own causes.
It took a minute before one of the junior ministers from the Treasury cleared his throat. "Perhaps, Prime Minister, we could implement a study into the economic impact of our current policy?"
"A study, yah?" The Prime Minister looked thoughtful. "What would the results show?"
The junior minister shuffled his papers, all too aware of the fact that everyone at the table was now watching him, ready to strike at the least sign of weakness. "I wouldn't like to predict, but ... ."
This slight hesitation was enough for the Justice Minister to seize her opportunity. "Nonsense!" The syllables cracked like a whip. "If you don't know what the outcome is going to be, why are you suggesting it?"
The junior minister felt his face begin to burn. "You can't predict the outcome of a study before you've carried it out."
"Nonsense. You just have to select your sources carefully. Would you risk embarrassing your Prime Minister? That would never do." A number of heads nodded in agreement with the Justice Minister's words. "Are you a closet wet?"
"We could keep the study confidential," the junior minister offered.
"And be accused of keeping the public in the dark?" the Chancellor retorted. "That would be even worse than doing nothing." He glanced at the Justice Minister to see if she was of the same opinion, then turned to look at the Prime Minister.
"Well," the Prime Minister drawled. "What do you suggest?"
"I suggest we continue with our current programme, but we emphasise that we are listening to advice from experts. If things go right, we get the credit."
"And if it goes wrong, they take the blame," the Justice Minister declared triumphantly.
"I thought we'd had enough of experts," the Cabinet Minister interjected.
"Oh, do shut up, Greasy," the Prime Minister retorted. The use of his old school nickname silenced the Cabinet Minister. "Not when they make for useful idiots - unlike you." The Prime Minister eased his bulk back into his chair. "So, we have a plan, yah? Do I hear any objections?"
Everyone at the table shook their heads.
