Who says it better? [EDITING]

Chapter 18: Waiting is The Hard Part

Alex:

We sat in that waiting room. We heard that stupid line over and over again.  That one you think you'll only hear in movies and TV shows. "They're doing the best they can." But I couldn't grasp it. Why couldn't it have been me? I would never wish this agony on her, but I almost couldn't take this. This waiting. This not knowing a damn thing. I yelled and I cried and I ate nasty hospital food. And I waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally the doors open. And that same doctor walked towards us. And in that second I wanted to die. Because it didn't seem like she had good news. Maybe they just were hardened from their job,  or maybe she hadn't made it.  And this was her death March. She stopped in front of us and we all held our breath.  "Cali made it through the surgery." We all exhaled. All except me.  I could read people too well.  There was a but. There always is. "Cali had to be medically induced into a coma. It was just too much. Her heart couldn't take the strain. She flew a good Ren yards.  It's a wonder she's alive. You're very lucky. She's very lucky." Or was she? My baby was trapped within herself until she was strong enough to come out. When would that be?  Weeks, months? And finally years? I couldn't imagine a world without her. She had been lighting my life up since I could remember. She is my first memory. And I want her to be my last. But wanting things is funny. You never really gets the things you want do you?

I was exhausted. Completely and utterly.  I couldn't bare to see her like that so I opted out. Her mother took one look at me and I couldn't imagine her making the call to Ansley. So i did it.  And I wish I hadn't. 

She arrived within the hour. Her trip cancelled,  her face stained with tears.  But she didn't just bring her worry and devastation she brought Sebastian. Believe it or not he looked worse than me.  Like it wasn't her in that coma, it was him. It ate me up. What was so special about him? Why did he have to come around and ruin everything? I loved her even before I knew what love was. I needed her. She was mine.  But then he just. He just got her.  Instantly. It was like they couldn't stay away. And I knew. Eventually I'd lose cali to him. I knew. But I could never give her up. I'm too selfish. Hate me,  love me for my efforts,  it doesn't matter. It's only ever been her. It will only ever be her. It seems that Id been mistaken about him. He deserved her. He needed her. More than I did. I had her my entire life and I was too big of a coward. But here he comes.  He went back and visited and I wanted to punch him. Why did he have to win? Why? In that moment I resigned myself completely to the obvious future. He'd break Ansley's heart and beg for cali. Cali would beg and plead for my forgiveness and I'd give it to her. And then they'd be happy.  She'd look at him and realize.  He said it better. He always would.  And he always has.