Dreams of Angels, and the Falling Thereof

Ministration 2.7

"Aah! Fuck, dude! Watch it!"

"Hold still, dammit. It's hard enough to do this with Rudee drivin', and you're hardly helpin' with all the flailin' about."

"Well I think I'd be less likely to move if you'd stop grabbing my open wound!"

"Oh, don't be a pussy, it can't possibly hurt that much."

"Says the invincible woman!"

Artemis glanced up from her work, expression as unreadably grumpy as always. Her hands were moving with surprising grace around my stump, applying gauze, disinfected, medi-gel, and tying it down with bandages from a first aid kit she'd procured from beneath the seat.

Rudee was in the driver's seat, and she piloted the car as intensely as she did just about everything else. Every slight bump or imperfection in the concrete, at the far-too-dangerous speeds she had us whizzing by at, rattled the cabin.

"It's just gonna fall off when I use my power again," I reiterated. She'd ignored me the first time I'd brought this point up and set about her triage, much to my chagrin. "It's really not worth the time, it's just a little blood."

"Kid, you want this to get infected? You ever seen an infected amputation wound? Should ask Vivian what that's like when we get back to her place, if y'really think it's not that big a deal, maybe she could knock some sense into you." She coiled another bandage around my arm, this one up to the shoulder, ripped off a piece of medical tape with her teeth--which couldn't be sanitary--and stripped the bandage in place.

"Besides," she continued. "You ain't usin' your power."

My insides turned upside down instantly. I opened my mouth to respond, immediately indignant and confused. "How am I supposed to fight, then?" I knew the answer, of course. She didn't want me to fight.

Why, though? Why? Just because I'd ignored her plan so that I could save that kid's life? I clenched my fist, twisting the fabric of my jeans in an effort to hold back from punching her, set my jaw tight.

"You're a wounded fourteen-year-old," she shook her head, having seemingly read my mind the moment I started thinking up a response. "Shouldn't have let you come with us in the first place."

That felt like being struck in the back of the head. I balked momentarily, unsure how best to combat the first instance of concern I'd seen this woman display, and so eventually found myself leaping to the only thing I could levy a quick defense to: "I'm almost seventeen!"

"Whatever, kid," Artemis shrugged, the exasperation in her voice enough to heighten my fury even further. "S'just a roundabout way of saying you're absolutely not an adult. Look, I took a chance on you, thought you showed real initiative back in Harlington and at Vivian's, but it's clear you can't handle this kinda thing. You're done fighting for us, I'm not gonna send you in when there's a real chance of you dyin'. Should be happy, I'm offerin' you a free ride from here to wherever you're headin', no cost."

I hesitated. She was right, a free ride was something. Hell, wasn't that what I'd wanted initially? Not having to fight anymore? Just getting to kick back and let them drive me as far as they were willing to? I'd be in Mexico before I knew it, with no further cost of pain or exertion.

But was that really what I wanted?

Fighting Daerksider, and Magpie, and saving that cashier, it'd been fun. I'd felt alive, and clever, and in control, for the first time in months, despite the wounds I'd been left with. Getting out of here was important, but... but maybe this was just as important? Maybe? I didn't want to give up that feeling of power so soon.