I could hear concern in his voice, "Are you doing okay? How have you been feeling?" I laid back on our bed looking at my kind of flat tummy.
I made circles around my belly button with my index finger feeling the small hard bump that has grown. "I haven't had much morning sickness, just been hungry like every minute of every day." I heard him laugh on the other end. I closed my eyes and visioned him and his bright beautiful wide smile and how his nose wrinkles just a little, it always made me smile from ear to ear, just picturing his smile warms my heart. I miss him badly, it hurts, I want to touch him and I want him to touch me. "How's the tour going?"
He says something to who it sounded like was Kam, "Yeah I'm gonna head with y'all in a second."
"Bruno?" I bit my lower lip.
"Yes baby?"
I didn't want to ask, it only hurts me when I do, but I do anyways, "Do you need to go?"
I became sad because I knew he had to leave sooner than later, his show is suppose to start in two hours and they had to finish getting ready and do sound check. I heard him sigh, "I'm sorry babe. I have to get ready."
I shook my head holding back the lump in my throat, "No it's okay, I know this already... I love you." I felt my eyes watering up, trying not to choke on the lump in my throat.
"I love you too. I'll talk to you later."
The line went dead and I raised my hands to my face as I sobbed into them, making it harder for me to breathe. I can't stand being alone, I can't do this, I have to get out, not being able to be around him is literally draining me. I can't think about how far away he is right now, it only makes my heart hurt, like pressure sits on my chest. I gathered myself to take a shower to lift my spirits. I dress in my dark blue skinny jeans, navy blue tank top with tiny white polka dots and a white short sleeve bat wing shirt on top of my tank. I look in the mirror as I finished curling my last big curl in my hair. I noticed my eyes were still red, still raw from crying so much and crying in the shower, thinking of him, how he is so close to coming home but is so far away. Taking a shower only made me think of him even more. I don't feel safe without him, I haven't been getting much sleep as much as my body begs for it, I can only picture blackness going in and out with Calvin standing over my body. I want to tell myself those are nightmares, but what really haunts me is that the in and out blackness is a memory that follows me and will follow me forever. I step out of the house and climb into a pitch black escalade with Chandler in the driver side, "Good morning Marceline." Chandler smiles at me as he looks at me through his rear view mirror.
"Good Morning Chandler." I put on a smile that uses up whatever energy I have left.
"Back home to Xavier and Holly or is there somewhere you'd like me to take you to?"
I looked out the tinted windows to the early morning sky, "I'd like to make a stop before heading back home."
It's been a couple of weeks since I talked to Amber and every time I see Marceline on video chat or even hear her beautiful voice, there is a twist that happens at the pit of my stomach because of ungrateful woman. "You are a bitch you know that?" Her small laugh behind her lips just made me even more mad, "You're lying to me! Simple as that! Who the fuck are you with cause I know you're doing this to start something between me and Marceline."
I know she wants to keep me for herself and seeing me with Marci, how I hold her, smile at her, kiss her, talk to her, it pisses Amber off to no end. She knew exactly what she was doing when she seen me at the studio, but I didn't finish inside her, there is no way that is my child. "Bruno it is your child and there is no one." She sound so uncertain. She always sounds like she's asking a question when she's lying.
"I guess we'll find out when it gets here and until then, you better keep your mouth shut and do not talk to Marceline again. I'm warning you Amber."
"You're going to threaten a pregnant woman? That is pregnant with your child."
My breathing became heavier, "Keep your mouth shut and leave Marceline alone."
She sighed heavy, "Broken record... Whatever." She knew I hated hearing those words "broken record" pissed me off. "You're going to be a dad again Bruno... You can't hide this from her."
"No the fuck I'm not Amber. You're trying to keep me in your life, this isn't right. Don't say shit to Marceline that isn't true."
"She needs to know."
I shook my head, my fingers were in my hair holding back all the anger I had built up in the pit of my stomach, tears were starting to fill my eyes, "If you tell her now, I will never forgive you. Wait till you have your baby and if it is mine, I will tell her myself, just please wait." I was begging now.
I heard her sigh on the other line, "Fine. I guess we can wait and maybe you can come to my ultrasound when you get back."
Before I could relax myself I only tensed up some more as I shook my head, "Amber no." I looked around to see if anyone was listening, but everyone seemed to be busy, thankfully.
"Marceline needs me with her, I want to be with her, I can't go with you to your appointment. How is it going to look when the doctors see me with her and just randomly see me with you?" I heard her start to sniffle a little, "Amber?"
Her sniffling became heavier as she started to sob, "Why is she so important Bruno?" She began to yell louder, "You were with me first, why would you deny me and your baby? We use to love each other, did any of it mean anything to you?"
I didn't care who was listening anymore, my patience has reached it's end, "Don't you start crying and trying to make me feel bad for you. This isn't about you anymore and you hate that I don't want to be apart of your life and I could care less. You fucked with me so badly. So badly I have treated Marceline like shit over and over again and I can't take back the horrible things I have done. All because of you I struggle to be faithful to the one person who is willing to do anything for me and has giving me more chances than I deserve." I didn't want to look over my shoulder to see who was watching. I found my way outside for a smoke while she stayed on the line sobbing, "Amber please stop. Stop!"
"Please Bruno.. Come with me." My head became heavy as I lowered my chin into my chest, squeezing my phone while holding myself from throwing it across this parking lot. I took a deep breath before bringing the phone back up to my ear, "When is it?"
I am so nervous but I can't help but feel excited at the same time. "You what?" Savannah asked wide eyes holding back her excitement.
"That's right. I'm finishing school and going to start Le Cordon Bleu. While I was traveling with the guys I took a few short cooking classes and I'm not sure if it's cause I'm always hungry but I really want to get into food and maybe down the road be a food critic."
I didn't think Savannah's eyes could get any wider, "That's awesome! I'm almost done with my business degree, we should totally open up a restaurant." I smile from ear to ear as we both squeal as I laced my fingers with her and shook them with excitement.
"What an amazing idea girls." We turn to the left seeing Xavier and Holly walking through the sliding doors dressed for the pool. They look beautiful as always, Holly's dark wavy hair is pulled up in a ponytail with her bangs that have a strip of white hair that peaks underneath the dark. I thought one day she did it on purpose, but that's how her hair is and honestly it looks super cool. Xavier had salt and pepper hair, trimmed very short but it is how it's always been. He's so tall, lean, tan and surprisingly muscular.
