Trapped with the Animals

mother knows best

"it's almost dinner, are you coming austin?" alex asks me. the presence of the prison seems way off, and i have yet to see anybody else from the family.

i need to talk to nicky.

alex wheels me into the cafeteria, and the chatter becomes quieter. i'm less focused on the fact that people are gossiping about me and more of the fact that my head is pounding, my ribs are extremely sore, and i'm starting to feel the withdrawals.

"i'll get you a tray," alex says to me, dropping me off at our table. i notice piper sitting at a different table, surrounded by an... interesting crowd. she looks different, mostly stressed out.

"and the mystery of the missing tea bag is solved!" boo says, roughly patting me on the shoulder before sitting down next to me. i wince in pain, but choose not to say anything.

lorna sits down on the other side of me, and massages my shoulder where boo just hurt me.

"where's nicky." i ask and the table falls silent. a gloomy looks falls upon their faces. this can't be good.

"she got sent to max." alex says sitting down across from me.

"f-for what?" i ask. i need her right now.

"she got caught with heroin..." lorna says solemnly. before i have time to respond, i am hugged from behind. i let out a tiny squeal of pain and the grip is loosened.

"i thought i lost you too." i hear the infamous russian accent behind me. i immediately try to turn around to hug red back but the movement is too hard on my ribs and i let out another squeal of pain.

"take it easy killer." alex says to me.

"so what really happened to you?" morello asks me as red takes a seat.

"i got shipped back to england for a trial," i try to keep it as brief as i can. i don't really want to get into it, let alone think about my father.

suddenly, a girl comes up behind me and snatches my glasses off, causing the light to blind me.

"holy shit-" the girl says, pulling my wheelchair out to face her. it's pennsatucky, i would recognize that hillbilly accent anywhere.

i keep my eyes squeezed shut, avoiding the light. the noise is already bad enough for my head, and the light makes it worse.

"leave him alone penns," alex pipes in, snatching my glasses from her hand and handing them back to me. i quickly put them back on.

the nice thing about the sunglasses was that it covered up my fucked up eye, indicating i got the shit kicked out of me.

"why do you look so beaten up?" morello asks.

"because i was beat up." i say trying i force a laugh, but it only hurts my ribs more, sending me into a coughing fit.

after a moment, the coughing doesn't stop, and i spit out a little bit of blood. on top of that, my head is pounding viciously and i feel my veins pulsing.

please not now. this can't be happening now.

"you don't look so good austin, are you feeling okay?" alex asks me concerned. i slowly put my head on the table and cover my ears with my hands, trying to block out the noise.

"let's get you to medical." red says as she begins wheeling me out of the cafeteria.
~~~
"does it hurt?" lucy asks me, slowly running her fingers over the fresh scars on my chest.

i'm about a week post op from my top surgery. i'm staying at lucy's apartment because my mother refuses to see me.

"no, i feel great. i feel free." i tell her smiling. i can actually look down at my body and feel like i belong, something i have waited so long to feel.

she places a kiss on my forehead and goes into the kitchen to fetch me some water.

incoming call: mom

i hesitate for a moment, unsure if i want to pick up. i finally cave and click accept.

for a moment there is silence, my mother says nothing. i begin to think she butt dialed me but then she speaks.

"how are you, did everything work out okay?" she asks me. i have a feeling she actually doesn't care but i humor her.

"i feel amazing." i tell her. i'm done pretending for her. pretending to be somebody i'm not.

"i just wish you had really considered this before you-" she begins to lecture me, but i quickly shut her down.

"do you even hear yourself?!" i snap at her.

"i'm happy, like really happy. i'm learning to love myself, can you try to do the same?" i ask her.

she begins to babble on and on about her opinions but i tune it out. after she's done talking i finally respond.

"dad would be happy for me." i say and hang up the phone.
~~~
"please give me something for the pain." i plead to the doctor. this isn't my kinky side talking, or at least i convince myself it isn't. i need this pain to stop or i'm going to lose it.

i can tell that red is disapproved of the situation. she knows i'm an addict, but i truly think she feels for me.

the doc quickly prescribed me painkillers, and has me take one before red begins to wheel me out.

"i wish there was another way," she begins to say.

"i lost nicky to this type of poison, i don't want to watch you fall deeper into that hole like she did." she says to me. i wish nicky hadn't either.

she wheels me into my bunk and it's almost time for lights out. she helps me into my bed, and kisses me on the forehead goodnight.

"please be smart, and safe." she says to me, walking back to her bunk. i'm about to knock out from the painkiller high when piper walks over to my bunk.

there are two bald headed girls standing behind her, resembling guard dogs.

"i'm glad to see you're back and... doing well." she says almost as if it's a question. i smile and thank her, deciding not ask about her new entourage.

as she walks away i look over at alex, noticing that piper didn't say anything to her. i hope they're doing okay.

i feel a light tap on my shoulder and open my eyes to see the fuzzy outline of somebody standing over me.

"hey austin." lucy says.