The Dealers

Chapter 48 - Noah

I replayed everything back in my mind over and over but, it still didn't make any sense. Why would I say those things to Lena? Why would I agree to leave her alone and unprotected?

Sitting in my Mustang a few miles from Lena's house, I had pulled off the side of the road and let the darkness engulf me while I tried to sort through my emotions. I let myself speak out of anger and I had to deal with the consequences of my words. I let Lena feel like I was abandoning her and that was the last thing I'd ever do. Still, she kicked me out and she had every right to do so. I deserved it for being an asshole.

The reality of everything began to sink in hard as the sun started glowing on the horizon. I wanted desperately to drive back to her house and beg her to forgive me but, if I were her, I wouldn't want to see my face at all. No, I had to give her time and space and then I could approach her again.

Turning on the loud engine, I revved the Mustang and sped back to the hotel. It had been awhile since I stayed there but I made sure to keep my room available in case of emergency. This, definitely qualified.

As I got to the hotel and pulled my overnight bag from the trunk, I tried to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I had lost her. Even as the hurtful words were coming out of my mouth and I saw the devastation on her face, my anger and jealousy was too overwhelming. Even though I knew I was hurting her, I couldn't stop myself.

That was how much Azrael got under my skin. I warned Lena that he would try to weasel his way into her life and that's exactly what he did. My worst fears concerning Lena and Azrael were coming true and I made it all worse by overreacting.

How as I supposed to protect Lena from Azrael now that she wanted nothing to do with me? I could only keep an eye on her so closely when she hated my guts. More that that, we had just given Azrael what he wanted—me out of the picture. There was no doubt in my mind that he would use this time to get closer to her and poison her mind against me.

Fuck.

No matter what Lena did or what her reasons were, I loved her more than anyone or anything in the entire world. She was endgame for me and nothing could change that. The way I spoke to her wasn't okay and she was out there believing that I didn't love her.

I could never stop loving her.

So, how the fuck did I make things right?

First things first, I had to fight the urge to rush back to her house and beg for forgiveness. Lena needed time and she needed space from me. I was horrible to her and if I tried too soon, we would get nowhere.

I also needed to let my brothers know that I was okay after I completely bailed on them in California. They would freak out once I told them the details of what happened. No one, and I truly meant no one, had ever tousled with Azrael and lived to tell someone about it. I had cheated death multiple times with him and for one reason only—Lena. It was because of her the he let me live.

Once I took a shower and settled onto the bed, not bothering to undo the covers, I called Eli and was surprised when he picked up. It didn't take me long to fill him in on everything because I was a blubbering mess. I could feel the tightness in my throat but I'd be damned if I started crying.

"Wait, hold the fuck up," Eli scoffed after I stopped talking, "you mean to tell me that Lena made a deal for us—for the three of us?"

I paused before replying, "yes, and that's why Azrael was at her place."

"Were they fucking?" Eli asked blankly and the rage that erupted inside of me was enough to send my fists through a nearby wall but I refrained and instead, bit back my anger as best I could.