How to Survive a Naruto Reincarnation

Step 19: Win a war before it starts.

With the preliminaries over with, I gathered all of the kids at my homeless shack. 

"Cheers to you all!" 

I passed out cans of soda and dumped a box of snacks in the middle of our circle. Cup noodles for our Main Character, some light jelly and fruit for our Most Injured, honey for Bugs-Galore, ice cream popsicles for Least Problematic, and plain tea for Resident Grudge. 

"You all did great!" I sat down to crack open my soda. "Cheers to you three! And happy acknowledgments to Sakura and Hinata for doing their best and one day, they'll have super high kill counts to prove their self-worth in this dystopia! Cheers!" 

"Cheers!" 

*****

"As your career counselor, I wanted to ask you all what you're planning for the finals." 

"I'm gonna find Kakashi Sensei to train me!" Naruto exclaimed, nearly spitting soup all over the floor. 

"...yeah, sure. What will you be working on with him?" I asked through clenched teeth. 

"Hmmmm," Naruto crossed his arms to think about it. 

"But what about Saskue-kun?" Sakura asked, glancing at the two boys. 

"I don't need him." 

I beamed. I raised this kid so well. 

"There you go. No crossed lines and everybody's happy." 

"I got it!" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm gonna ask Kakashi Sensei to train me so that I'm stronger and can beat up everybody!" 

"...Naruto, you can make multiple copies of yourself, right?" 

"Huh, oh yeah! What about it?" 

"So what if you ask him if he can help you think of ways to make it stronger?" 

"Oh, that's a good idea! I'm also gonna ask him to teach me that Chidori!" 

"Uh, first ask him about element compatibility." 

Small steps, Naruto, take it one step at a time. 

*****

"What about you, Shino?" 

"It is important that we pass the finals to officially become Chunins. Why? Because then we will be one step closer to our goal of saving our brothers." 

"Huh?" Naruto mumbled. "You have brothers?" 

"Right, so how will you spend this month?" I steamrolled over. 

"I believe the best way to achieve success is to become one with nature." 

"...What?" 

"I don't get it!" 

"Shino, does that mean you're not asking your Sensei for help to train?" Sakura asked concerned. Hinata nodded in agreement. 

"S-s-sensei would b-b-be good t-t-to ask for help." 

"No, Kurenai Sensei's aid is unnecessary. I shall consult with my father to better understand the complexities and intricacies of beetles." 

"Right. I'll pretend I completely understand what you just said there." I answered. 

"Why do I not request Kurenai Sensei's help? Because my father is an expert in understanding beetles and insects." 

"Fair enough. Find an expert." 

*****

"And how about you, Sasuke?" 

He scoffed. 

"How's the curse?" 

"..."

"Does it still hurt?"

"..."

"Uh, Sasuke?" 

"..." 

"Sasuke-kun?" 

"Just answer already!" 

"..."

"Guess we'll find out later." 

*****

And then I found out Sasuke's genius, out-of-this-world, amazing training plan for the finals, was to just invade my garden again. 

"Sasuke, why are you like this?" 

Unpredictable Problem Child had set up one garden plot and was now working on another one. I thought after setting up one small plot, he would just let it be and grow whatever it was he was planting, but now he's back again. 

The tiny child didn't answer as is his custom.

"At least go to the hospital and get that checked out. It doesn't look great." 

He ignored me.  

I shook my head and left Sasuke alone. I had to check on Hinata in rehab today. 

*****

"SASUKE! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? IT'S BEEN AN ENTIRE DAY, GO TO BED!"