my diary Five Chapters

how tough

My name is Anisa and for now that's all you're going to get this is not a story that is just for the views this story is to let out some motion some feeling since I don't have people to talk to because of this 2019-2020 covid-19. since this quarantine I have been thinking a lot about my life decisions. I would like to let out some opinions that I have I am only 13 and I have experienced suicidal thoughts and have succeeded in some of them but not in the way I wanted it. okay I'll give you a hint on on why I acted like that honestly I just hated society I hate people that always judge were actually knowing. sad to say my mom was one of them so is my mom's side of the family I came out looking more like my grandma on my dad's side than anything I don't think I got one trait of my mom except her middle name. Ever since I was younger I have always been chunky it's just always been like that for me to me I thought it was a sign that that's always how I'm going to look so I just didn't bother to it. Until I was nine I'm still pretty young but that's when people started talking to me but people I mean my family and by talking I mean telling me that I should lose weight. It was always depressing thing to think about. It's basically like them telling you that you gain weight and you need to look skinnier personally when I was that age, younger I didn't care what people thought but as soon as I got older it just got worse I'm not sure if I have an eating disorder but I might as well call it that. It seems to be every time I'm feeling sad I always turn to food the one thing that hurts so much is when it's told multiple and multiple times and even sometimes I decide just for them to stop I tried to go through with it. But every time I see no signs of improvement I just go back to the same ways. it's society and my parents went like this I wouldn't have any problem with how I was I'm 14 now and going to be going to a new school I just don't know what to do I feel like my .my grandma on my mom's side fat shames me all the time but I can't say nothing about it. I don't have anybody to talk to I don't like to talk to adults I can't trust them and my friends I given up on them so for now on by myself I can't talk to my dad because a lot of the stuff he gets concerned about and I know I know parents are supposed to be concerned..........

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