blurred reality.

1O1

monday, 10:01 am

"yves, ano ba? ang dami pa nating aasikasuhin sa baguio! tsaka hindi ka ba naaawa sa anak mo, puro na siya byahe!"

jennie quickly took a glance at ayesha who was just happily humming a disney song. yves just chuckled and explained.

"saglit lang tayo. tsaka malakas yan, anak ko yan."

"saan ba kasi pupunta?" she groaned out of frustration. kaninang umaga nang nagsisikilos na sila upang makabalik sa baguio, yves told her to come with them because they'll go somewhere else before going back to baguio.

"tita, it's my mommy's birthday!" masayang sambit ni ayesha at ngumiti.

jennie pursed her lips at the sudden mention of anika. nilingon nito si yves ngunit wala itong sinabi at patuloy lang na nagdrive.

"i-it's anika's birthday?" she asked him. "edi dapat pala hindi ako sinama.. bakit mo ba ko sinama? oras niyo tong tatlo. yves naman."

yves only sighed, wanting to grab her hand and hold it, but he knows he still couldn't. wag muna. he reminded himself.

"you'll know sooner," he whispered. "please calm down.. saglit lang tayo.."

"fine!"

.

"tita, we're here na! wake up!"

napabalikwas si jennie nang maramdaman ang pagyugyog sa kanyang balikat. agad nitong nakita anika na ginigising siya habang buhat ni yves na tumatawa.

"sorry," anito at lumabas na ng sasakyan. she looked around and realization hit her. agad itong napalingon kay yves at napasinghap.

"yves..?" he smiled. "bakit tayo nandito?"

then, he offered her his hand. asking if she could come with her. not just to where they were going, but significally to walk back in his life again.

jennie was hesistant at first, but when she saw his eyes speaking thousands of unspoken words, she held his hand.

"yey, we're going to see mommy na!" ayesha giggled and hugged yves again.

"bakit.."

after walking for about two minutes or so, they finally stopped at the right spot. nagpumilit agad bumaba si ayesha at tinakbo ang kanyang nanay.

"mommy! happy birthday mommy!" jennie teared up as soon as she saw the kid hugging..

anika's gravestone.

"i missed you, mommy! happy birthday!" she repeatedly says, carressing anika's picture that was placed at the grave.

muli itong napasinghap ng nakita kung anong taon ito namatay. the year where they broke up.

ilang buwan lang din matapos nyang pakawalan si yves..

"yves," hinarap niya ang lalaki at nagmamakaawang tinignan. "please.. what happened? bakit? bakit si anika?"

yves once again held her hand tightly, relaxing her as much as he could help. "jennie.. anika begged me to comeback for ayesha because.. because she was also dying. pareho sila ni shasha. but she never told anyone. sakin, kay ayesha.. kahit kanino."

"we went abroad for ayesha's treatment. nung mga panahon na yun, she always reminds me what to do. anong mga gusto ni ayesha, anong madalas nyang gawin at ayaw.. i thought she was just reminding me how would i'll deal with our daughter once ayesha heals but turns out.. it was her last wish. last hope.. for me to take care of ayesha."

"nung araw na sinabi ng doctor na okay na si ayesha.. she died. ilang oras lang matapos makahinga ng maluwag. maybe that time, she already knew that her daughter is safe, kaya sumuko na siya."

"jen.. she needed my responsibility for ayesha because she knew she'd be gone.." he stopped for a while. "minutes before she died, paulit ulit syang humihingi ng tawad kasi nasaktan ka niya.. nasaktan niya tayo-"

"daddy, why are you crying? you din tita jennie, don't cry," ayesha pulled the hem of his shirt and pouted. mukhang maiiyak na din kung hindi lang pinunasan ni yves ang mga luha at hinarap siya.

"nothing, baby," he kissed her forehead. "talk to your mom first, okay?" ayesha nodded and ran back to her mom to tell her some stories.

jennie didn't know what to say. hindi niya din alam ano ba dapat ang maramdaman. masaktan? maguilty? maiyak nalang?

"yves.."

"i tried reaching out to you kasi hindi ko na talaga alam gagawin ko. ilang buwan ko palang nakikilala yung anak ko tapos ganoon na nangyari. gustong gusto kitang hanapin at kausapin, pero hindi kita mahagilap.."

she cried harder. pulling him for an embrace, she whispered her apologies. "i'm sorry.. i'm so sorry.. i'm sorry i'm so selfish-"

"ano ka ba?" he step back. "kahit kelan hindi ka naging selfish! mas naiinis nga ako dahil hindi mo iniisip yung sarili mo! lagi nalang ibang tao! kaya nga hindi ko na tinuloy paghahanap sayo kasi putangina natauhan din ako. sinaktan kita.. why the fuck would i ask for your help dahil lang hindi ko kaya? napaka gago ko, tangina."

"-tapos mommy, ang saya ni daddy, that's the first time i saw him like that! my titos and titas made him happy again, especially tita jennie-"

natawa ng bahagya si yves sa mga naririnig sa anak. jennie continued crying and all he did was to hug her silently, whispering some soothing words for her.

"i'm sorry.. i love you.."