a sort of ambivalence ⚣

25

vincent.

we wait in the school parking lot for liam. the jeep gleams in the afternoon sun. elliott sits on the bonnet of the car, checking off a list in a little notepad; lola taps her nails on the window, her curly hair blowing behind her; and jonah stands next to me, arguing with his older brother on the phone.

"i ain't picking you up, jaden!" jonah exclaims impatiently, hands on his cornrows.

he has jaden on speaker while i listen in. "simone's at work and i have to go to nick's house!"

"i don't care, jaden! just fucking get nick to come over."

"mom's home!" the older whines.

"then go back to your apartment!" jonah says, his tone and emphasis making me laugh.

today is the 25th of november: it's liam's birthday. it's a tuesday, which is a bit of a letdown. we'll have a hangover at school tomorrow, which isn't ideal, but it could be entertaining if we don't push our luck. on the other hand, today marks one year since my last suicide attempt: but i try not to think about that, as much as it bothers me.

i watch the entrance doors of the school. liam always takes five minutes or more to get out, but that's probably because my friends and i practically run out of the place. the blonde emerges from the crowd, his brown eyes darting around the parking lot for us. we catch eyes and i smile. a few months prior, i would have cast a dirty look. he smiles back and races toward the jeep like a kid coming downstairs on christmas morning.

"birthday boy!" lola cheers.

"finally..." jonah says, "you take forever. must be the adulthood setting in."

liam groans. "stop making me feel old."

"you'll be young in no time!" elliott says, bouncing off the bonnet of the car. "c'mon. get in the car, old man."

jonah puts his hands on liam's broad shoulders. "woah, woah, woah, wait a damn minute."

i frown. "what?"

"i have to go pick jared and jamie up from school and drop them at my grandma's," he says, waving his keys. "and then i gotta go do that thing jaden wants me for. motherfucker thinks i'm a damn taxi service or something."

"that's okay," liam says. he points to the rest of us. "they can just ride with me and then we'll wait for you at my house."

jonah nods, his necklaces glistening in the sun. "okay. see y'all soon."

we say our goodbyes before heading down the pavement to get to liam's mercedes. the blonde and i walk side by side, while elliott and lola chat quietly behind us.

"how did you do on the chemistry exam?"

i sigh. "i'm not sure. some parts were fine but some of it was really tough."

"did my study sessions help?"

i glance over and smirk. "y'know what? they did. at least i absorbed some information."

liam opens his mouth to speak, but is yanked to the side by a pair of large tanned hands.

"yo!" it's jake, nathan next to him.