Okay, I'm Okay. [JJK]

27

The Story of The Crush: PART XII

Okay, I'm okay.

The curtains swift open, revealing Ara as she steps out of the small platform. Giving herself a spinning twirl around, the full skirt of her floral dress billowed out around her. "How does it look?" She beamed, adding a pretty smile for the final touch.

"Pretty." I murmured, looking away shortly. I suddenly find my shoes more intriguing. I thought we're going out to buy school supplies, not this. Did I hear her wrong?

I heard her hum. Then she looked at herself on the mirror behind her. "Is it really pretty for you?" She queried, still checking on herself.

Pretty for me? I mean the dress is pretty in general, I wouldn't say it's ugly.

But I bet you will still be prettier—you're not a dress, I know—but . . . you know—

"Can you leave us for a moment?" My head perked up when I finished hearing her question. She was directing it to the staff who is quietly standing at one corner of this walk-in fitting room, the old lady has been there since the beginning. Ara was smiling at her, and the staff politely nodded before she sees herself out.

Ara stepped on her heels and sat down beside me on the couch. She was facing—staring at me, it's obvious she has something to say, so it would be utterly rude if I don't meet her eyes. We were quiet for few minutes.

"What is it?" I spoke, almost whispering, when I realized she doesn't have the guts to talk first. Then she sighed.

"Do I look pretty?"

"Well, yeah, the dress looks cute—"

"I'm talking about me now, Jeon, not the dress anymore." I was taken aback because of her words. Her voice remained calm, but her eyes . . . it shows desperation. It made me speechless. I have no idea what to say, and why she's suddenly being like this. Then she sighed again, the desperation is no longer found in her eyes. "You feel it too, right?"

"What am I supposed to . . . feel?" It seemed like there was something trapped inside my throat, something felt heavy. There might be something wrong with the word 'feel'.

But then she shuffled and rested her back against the couch and laughed softly. "The awkwardness." She said. And oh. That is what she meant. I was worried for nothing.

Then silence.

This time I'm the one who finds himself staring at the other because again, I still don't have a word to say. I just waited for her talk to again. It's true that I feel awkward as well, and I know my reasons, but I don't know hers. Was it because of our breakup? Or does she know—

"Do you know why I broke up with you?" She interrupted my thoughts with such question, and her eyes meet mine again. I blinked. My muteness made her chuckle briefly and glance sideways, before she averted her gaze back to me. "It's because I thought you would chase after me. It's immature but I thought I would enjoy that. But you know what . . ." She bit her bottom lip to suppress her laughter. ". . . I only clowned myself as you did the opposite."

"So you knew?" I mumbled, almost to myself. I intently watch her reaction.

"There are reasons why I have eyes and ears, Jeon. It's obvious that you always dragged that girl in places where I am around, you always check on me. The purpose was really obvious. It's funny."

"It's Kim Hyunji." I mumbled. I couldn't bear to hear someone referring you only as some kind of that girl.

"Yeah, okay." She scoffed. "But you know what's funnier?" She laughed. Then things got more awkward. "It worked on me."

It worked on her. I made her jealous. Then it means I succeeded. But why can't I feel that?

"But it took me too late to realize that." Her laughs slowly turned into faint smile. "One day, your eyes suddenly stopped searching for me, your attention became fully belongs to her." And behind her faint smile, I heard sadness and dismay.

"I'm sorry." I looked away again. I feel terrible, and I deserve it.

"Why are you apologizing? I broke up with you remember!" She forced herself to laugh again. "We're no longer in a relationship, and I'm the cause of it. You have the rights to like someone else, someone better, and I'm glad that you did." Albeit not seeing her face while she talks, I can hear her sincere smile in her voice. It assures me. "I'm okay now, and you should be okay too."

Thereafter she laughs again.

"Why are you laughing so much?" I can't help but join her.

"Well . . . I . . ." She burst out few chuckles before she fixed her posture again. "I dragged you here just to have a private talk, I'm not actually buying this dress."

"You know that there's a thing called cellphone, right?"

"I know, I know . . ."

We laughed again in unison.

Then she speaks again in serious tone.

"But I wasn't kidding about buying school supplies, assistant leader Jeon Jeongguk. We've got a long, long list."

Okay, I'm okay.