Millennial Blues

Dinner and a Show

Chapter 18

Crowley's life was going well. He had an amazing boyfriend, a good kid in his life, and yoga sessions that were doubling as a support group. In fact, he even felt like some members of the class were becoming like friends.

At the start of his most recent session Tara had sat with him and chatted about life. She'd talked about getting into soap-making and he'd lamented being semi-closeted with the Dowlings.

"I think they have their suspicions that I'm not exactly straight, but it's very 'Don't ask, don't tell' with that lot," he explained.

Tara nodded sympathetically. "Do you think they would fire you if they knew the truth?"

"I don't know for sure. I try not to test them. But it's getting harder now that I'm seeing Aziraphale whenever I can. Mr. Dowling doesn't like that I make plans for my time off now. It used to be they could give me Warlock whenever they felt like it. These days I'm taking more chances and saying no every now and then." It was a risk that kept him up at night, but it was worth it to be with Aziraphale. His life had never felt so complete.

"Well, if it ever gets to a worst case scenario," said Tara, "I'm sure Michael and her friends would be willing to host you. They've been absolutely wonderful to me."

Crowley laughed. "It would be better than selling my car, anyway. But don't worry about me. I'm sure you have enough on your plate. And I'll be fine. Everything always works out for me eventually."

"Lucky you. Maybe that means you've got someone on your side." And she glanced significantly upwards.

Ugh. Crowley couldn't help but grimace. Over the last few weeks he'd noticed more and more references to God in the midst of the yoga sessions. They were always kind and meant to be reassuring, that sort of 'you're never alone' nonsense, but it made Crowley deeply uncomfortable. He didn't necessarily believe there was a God, but if there was he had a lot of bones to pick with Her. And She certainly wasn't on his side, for better or worse.

Perhaps Tara sensed his discomfort, because she tactfully moved on. "So, it's almost Valentine's Day! Are you and Aziraphale doing anything special?"

She nudged Crowley gently and he gave a small smile. He was surprisingly grateful for the teasing. He'd never had someone to poke fun at his love life before. It was nice.

"Nothing too fancy," Crowley admitted. "We're going to have dinner at mine since the restaurants are all booked up and too expensive anyway."

"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll love it. And speaking of love, do you think you'll finally be ready to break out those three little words with him?" Tara's voice had a teasing lilt to it, but her question made Crowley grow cold.

Love. It was the time of year for it, he supposed, but lately it seemed that everyone wanted to know his feelings on the subject. Mary was asking how serious his relationship was with increasing frequency. Warlock had asked if he would ever see the book man again. Even Madame Tracy kept asking questions about how compatible his and Aziraphale's astrological signs were.

The truth was, he had no idea what to tell any of them. Yes, he'd been with Aziraphale for months. Yes, they were officially boyfriends. And yes, Crowley hadn't felt this strongly about anyone for a long time. But...he couldn't say he was in love. That was too dangerous. Because who could truly love him without knowing what he was?

He wasn't falling in love. He was falling in fear. Because sooner or later Aziraphale was going to expect those "three little words" and when he did, one way or another, it was going to ruin everything.