Dragon Age Inquisition Inquisitor One Shots x Reader

The dark little sunflower Iron Bull x Fem! Mage! Human

CrystalStarsong 

This chapter does talk about depression and I know everyone deals with it differently. I am actually excited to write this chapter, mental health is an important thing to me. I may not depict it right in my writing and I do apologize in advance.

I don't know Iron Bull's height so I'm going to say he's maybe 6'6 to 7 feet tall. I apologize if Iron Bull's personality isn't right. I may have the beginning start in the Hinterlands and go off from there. I see Varric taking notice of Y/n's mental health before it becomes apparent to the others.

Y/n Pov,

I slowly open my eyes. I could feel the wind blowing into the tent. The sun had barely risen and yet I was awake at this hour. I can't turn over and go back to sleep. I crawl out of my tent and take notice that everyone in my party was still asleep (Iron Bull, Dorian, and Varric). Internally I was thankful that they hadn't woken yet. I didn't want to burden my party members with having to deal with my mess.

I walk towards the lake not far from the camp and sit on a large rock. I prop my head on my knee and let my long ebony colored hair flow in the wind. I took notice of how the flowers would always face the sun and adjust themselves to always face the sun no matter where it was in the sky. It made me think of how people are when turning to someone. I tried to reminisce on the good things but thoughts began to flood my brain the more I sat there. Nothing made sense in my head because everything was going too fast. The only thing that I could pick out from my mind was that my friends and trusted people that I knew didn't like or care about me. All motivation I had for anything in life wasn't there anymore. I was stuck and I can't pull myself out anymore.

"Boss..."

I didn't hear Iron Bull walk up behind me.

"Hey, Boss... Everything alright?"

I was brought out of my thoughts and I noticed that the sun had risen a little more but it was still dark out. "What? Oh yes, of course, Bull... Why do you ask?"

"Well Boss, you were quiet and what seemed to be in deep thought. Usually, you would also notice if someone was walking up behind you."

"Right... Of course, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"Alright... Well just wanted to check on you before packing up camp to head to Skyhold."

Time_Skip_To_Skyhold_And_Totally_Didn't_Almost_Put_Skyrim_LMAO_

The familiar walls that I had gotten used to after a couple of months of repairs and cleaning. I could feel the inner magic that was rooted in the grounds. It wasn't anything special but I liked how the air would feel on my face. I could forget all my worries and feel at peace but only for short moments at a time.

"Hey Boss, the Chargers and I were wondering if you wanted to drink with us."

"Thank you but I have to decline your offer. I just want to rest if that's ok with you. I'm pretty tired after our journey back here."

"Ok Boss, if you change your mind just head to the bar." He hesitated before walking away to his quarters.

"Inquisitor, if I may have a word... What's going on? During the fights, you weren't completely focused. Are you having another of your episodes? It's ok if you are, we all have those moments even the strongest ones have to fight internal battles. A lot of the times they can't emerge victoriously." Varric commented before lightly patting my back and walking off.

I needed that from him. I appreciated all that was said. It warms my heart that my companions care about me this much. It's not that I can't turn to them but I have a block in my head that prevents me from speaking about. I can only wake up every day and hope that the weight of my mental health isn't too much for me to handle. (I speak from experience here. I go through times where I can hardly get out of bed and take care of myself because I can't get the motivation to. Depression is different from laziness and some people don't understand how it affects individuals).

Later that day,

I overlooked Skyhold on the patio from my room. It was beautiful watching the sunset and I felt at peace even if it was only for a moment. I stepped away from the patio and slowly made my way downstairs and made my way to the other building to head to the bar. On the inside, I wanted to just lay in bed and avoid any interaction while I drift into a dreamless sleep. I knew that I needed to get out of my room for some social interaction and not wallow in my mess of a life. 

I entered the building and put on my best fake smile. I saw Varric across the room smile a little but then shake his head slowly because he could see through my front. I subconsciously start to look for the Iron Bull in the building. Once I saw him with his leg propped on a chair in a victory stance I couldn't help but smile. He was telling a story and the crowd was eating it up, I stood off to the side and listened to the story that Bull was telling.

Internally I felt alone even in the crowded room. I had my friends nearby but it wasn't cutting it. I ended up zoning out as my thoughts began to flood through. "You don't matter to people." "Why are you someone that is so important? There are people who deserve this title more than you."  I felt worse, my chest began to get heavy and my legs felt like lead. I couldn't move anything because it all felt very heavy. The more my thoughts ran through the more I felt alone and the worse I felt.

"Boss... You aren't ok. Let's get out of here." Iron Bull picked me up and took me to his room. "What is happening... I am worried about you."

"If I say I'm fine you won't believe me right?"

"Correct, now tell me, Boss. What is going on, you keep zoning out even during conversations."

"I am in one of my depressive episodes... I can't do anything about it besides letting it flow through my head. I don't even try to stop the thoughts anymore."

"Boss, why didn't you tell me. Why didn't you turn to me or anyone else? Varric was the one that let me in on what was going on with you."

"I didn't want to burden anyone with my issues. I felt like if I kept it inside then it wouldn't hurt anyone if they didn't know what was happening... I just don't want to feel like this anymore."

"Look at me Y/n... You matter to people, you matter to the nation. You especially matter to me. It does hurt that you have gone at this alone and blind. Your health mentally and or physically is very important no matter the circumstances. Got it? Don't push yourself to do something you don't want to need to do. I understand why you would but you must take your health into mind first before acting upon things."

"*sobs* Thank you, I know I don't need to go at it alone. I know I don't need to push myself just to seem ok. I wanted to tell you all what was going on but I physically couldn't... I have a block in my brain where I can't speak about what is going on. No matter how hard I may try."

"It's ok Boss... Just do your best and know that I am here for you."

"Wait... You made a comment about how I matter to you the most. Care to elaborate on that?"

"Boss, I actually really love you. I have taken notice that you will seem off but I never knew that it was this bad. I have had my fair share of issues with my own mental health so I understand. Now just because I told you that I have feelings for you doesn't mean that I expect you to confess anything."

There we go peeps, hope the chapter was enjoyable. I really enjoyed writing this. Thank you all for the support you have all given me over the years of me having this app.