It's Just Us [🗸]

our anxiety

tw: mild panic attack :((

more nervous/anxious feelings :0

***

JAMES

Not-quite-dating Will is something else entirely.

Sitting in class is different. Knowing that when I lock eyes with him from across the table, there's so much more exchanged between us than just eye contact.

He says a lot with his eyes, and I guess it's something I've always sort of known, but right now, he tells me the universe with just one glance.

At this moment, he's seated across the lunch table, elbows resting on the surface. Alyssa's leaning forward in her chair, telling everyone how intense Quintessence practice has been lately. 

I still don't understand half of the stuff she's talking about what with alto parts and tenors and pitches and tempos. And even though I'm genuinely trying my best to pay attention to what she's saying, my eyes always drift back to him.

Will. 

He's leaning back in his chair, laughing at all the incidents from practice Alyssa recounts. And for some reason the only one I'm really seeing is him. 

I'm only paying attention to him even though I'm subconsciously aware that Andrea's seated across from me, musing about a short story she's writing to Gavin whose arm is around Alyssa's shoulder as they listen to her. 

Or that Kayla's spun around in her seat, talking to Maddy about a debate club that she thinks would be a good idea for the school. Or that my food's placed in front of me, and I've only made it through half of it despite the fact that there are probably only about fifteen minutes of lunch left.

Or that everyone else in the cafeteria is extremely fucking loud, but it's almost as though their sound is draining away in the background.

Because, he's there. 

And I kind of want to kiss him like Hailey and Miles are doing, a couple tables away from us. Hailey's practically straddling Miles in his seat as his hands grip her waist. No one's staring, though. Although, if the lunch supervisor catches them, they'll probably have to break it off, anyways.

But still.

The only thing that I might be paying attention to more than Will is the crippling feeling building up in my stomach, holding me back.

It's tearing me apart from the inside.

I mean, how long have I been staring?

My eyes dart around the entire cafeteria and my feet start tapping on the ground.

How obvious am I? 

My feet tap faster.

People might catch on at some point. What happens then? What will my parents think? We're graduating this year, what happens after?