Embrace Of The Winds

Chapter 29

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Another day of peaceful sounds. Chirping of birds and the sweet laughter of children playing. Makes me smile and my world, finally at peace. I had been competing with lots of things in my life. I have proven a lot of things for myself. Yet, it shows that it isn't enough for some. All my life, I spent the rest of my days by simply learning on what I'm doing everything. 

Life taught me to be tough. People who are by my side all the time, supported me with things that I cannot handle by my own. I am more than happy to have these people with me. Let's say, we can no longer feel the touch of our hands, or even the heat of hugs we share. 

Goodbyes, are one of the hardest things you can ever commit in your life. Saying goodbye to the people you love, to the one's who stayed since the very beginning, and to the one's who showed happiness. The heavy feeling will always be evident. And so, salty waters from the side of people's eyes fall. 

Acceptance. Another painful word that comes. Another wound that'll add up to your soft heart. I understand why people cry, there is only one reason for that, despite the millions of challenges you face. 

It's because, it is very hard to let go. In fact, it makes you feel tired for understanding things all the time. I get it why people are having a hard time, dahil, napapagod din sila. 

"Shh." I said when I saw William's eyes almost red. Alam kong pagod na siya. Nahihirapan. But I think, there is an end for everything. Say that, love is powerful, and so it never ends. True anyway, because, when I'm gone, I'll still love them even if I'm already up there. 

Taking a rest. 

"I...I don't get it." he whispered and held my hand again. I'm turning weak. Konti na lang, and I will take a rest. I've decided to at least talk to him for the last time. I can't be at peace kung maiiwan ko siya na umiiyak. If ever I leave this world, I want to leave them with smiles. 

Happy. Dahil isa 'yan sa mga bagay na halos ipag-kait sakin. And I want to give it to them. 

"Shhh." I caressed his hair. 

"You don't have to...P-pwede namang ako na lang," 

"Liam, I want you to p-pursue your dreams." my voice almost sounded like a whisper. I'm getting tired. Mabibigat na ang talukap ng aking mga mata. I want to take a rest. I am just spending my last time and energy for him. Just like, I'm repaying him for all of the things that he did for me. For my safety.  

"Paano ka naman ha? h-hindi ko maintindihan!" tumaas na ang kaniyang boses. Ngunit may bahid pa rin ng pag aalala at ng pagod. Kita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya. Ang pamumula nang kaniyang tenga ay nag sasabi kung gaano na ang pigil niya. 

I don't want for him to cry and cry all the time. I am still trying to convince him that, this will be a good choice. He will always be fine. Hindi naman talaga ako mawawala eh. They will not see me, that's all. Pero palagi pa rin naman ako sa tabi nila. The physical things will just change. 

"Liam..." inaabot ko ag kaniyang muka. 

He held my hand, touching his face. Kita ko kung paano ulit siya lumambot. 

It breaks me that he's still trying to be tough. Knowing that he's going through a lot, too. And yet, he chose to be strong. Kahit pa kitang kita na ang katotohanan na nadudurog siya. He needs support. Love. I am willing to give him that kahit pa wala na ako. 

Humikbi siya. Pinalis ko ang mga luhang dumadaloy sa kaniyang pisngi. The heat from him shares with me. Nanlalamig na ako at nanghihina. He's presence is giving me strength to stay awake. 

"Isipin mo na lang, na.." 

I smiled bitterly. 

"I will be having a long sleep. Mag papahinga lang ako." 

He cried even more. I think what I said opened his mind, yet gave more pain in his heart. He's devastated. Drained. I know what it feels like. It's like you're beaten by all of the things that hurt you the most. Being played out by destiny. Nakakapagod. Hindi ko siya masisisi sa pagiging emosyonal sa mga oras na 'to. 

Tanga na lang ang matuwa kapag may mawawala sa kaniya na minamahal niya. 

He hugged me and said nothing. He didn't move either. He stayed like that for a long time. Making me feel like this is rally the last time he can ever see me breathing. And the next is, he'll see my cold, innocent and resting face. While I look at him all the time, smiling. Even if he cannot see me. 

"It will be okay." I tried to assure him. 

Hindi na siya muling nag salita. He remained silent. Disregarding the pain. He rested in between my tight hug and my almost cold body. Bukod sa napakalamig nang kwarto ko, I am turning weak. 

"Please..Please don't leave me." he pleaded. Lumiliit na ang boses niya sa bawat pag pilit. He's old soft self is coming back. I know why. This happens whenever cannot control his emotions. Halo halo na ang nararamdaman niya. Heto ako, handa nang harapin ang mangyayari. It is okay as long as I am helping. 

"I'll never leave you, sis. Me and...Sash." tumindig ang balahibo ko sa mga sinabi. With the mention of her name. 

"Look up, and it will remind you of how kind and a peace maker sash is." I whispered. 

"And when you're lonely. always feel the warmth of the wind's breeze. It will remind you of me." sunod kong sinabi. 

Pagod niya 'kong nilingon at dahan dahang ngumiti nang mapait. I know he is not in favor of this, but he's left with no choice. 

"Never forget me, okay?" inangat ko nang marahan ang kaniyang muka para mag lebel ang aming mga mata. He looks so..tired. It makes me sick to see him in pain. I don't want for him to be depressed because of my own decisions. I want him to be happy and continue on fighting. 

"I didn't even think of that." he said and slightly chuckled. I smiled. I wanted to see my other friends so bad, but I don't want to leave with more pain. Ayokong mabago ang isipan ko. If I see them, baka makalimutan ko ang mga mapapait na dahilan kung bakit ko ito gagawin. I refused. Because the person who will have this, will be the one who will continue my postponed dreams in life. 

I trust him. And so, I am giving it to him. 

Before, I promised myself to not give my heart to a man. But now, I am literally and figuratively giving it to the one who truly deserves it. 

I am leaving, but with a smile. I am thankful, for the people who supported and showed me the meaning of love. I can no longer wish, for more. 

'Till we meet again. 

...