Just another lovatic?

{59}

"I'm sorry"

She hugged me tightly.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's fine. I just don't like it when you're hurting and you bottle it up inside. I want to be there for you"

"You think Demi replaced you, don't you?" I asked her, already knowing the answer.

She didn't answer.
I could see that she didn't wanna make me feel bad but she didn't wanna lie either, so she didn't answer, but I knew it was true.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked her.

"Sure"

"You are my sister. You are the first girl I ever considered family, that wasn't already family, obviously. You are the person I love most as my sister. I love you, Tiff. You were there for me even before you got married. You where and are there for me whenever I need you. No one can replace you. Yeah, I love Demi, but I loved you before I loved her. Yeah, I tell her a lot, but it's not cause I don't love you. It's just, I gave her that letter and she knew everything about me and she was there to help me. I know you are, too. But it's different when someone went through the same stuff, or almost the same. She has a special way of showing love and making you feel better. You do too, don't get me wrong. You do too. I'm not replacing you. I've just been spending a lot of time with her, so that why I tell her much, but I love you more than you can imagine. You are my sister, Tiff. And I would do anything for you. I just didn't know you felt like that" I was crying now, too.

I hurt my own sister.
Why couldn't I've seen what she felt like? Don't sisters know when something's wrong?
She always knows when something's wrong with me, and I couldn't even tell that she was hurting because of it.

"Are you jealous of her?" I asked.

"Of who?"

"Demi"

Again she didn't reply.
I knew it.
She was, because I told Demi almost everything and her nothing.
She was, because she was always there for me and I didn't see it.
She was, because I hurt her.

Here I go again. Hurting someone. It's probably what I'm best at. Maybe I should get a job that is made to hurt people. I'm sure I'll be good at it.

"That's not true" Tiff said.

"What's not true?" I asked.

"That you're good at hurting people"

"What?"

"You were thinking out loud. It's not true, Kayla. You're very good at making people happy. Just by being there, you already make people happy"

"Yeah, but I managed to hurt the people that meant most to me"

"Kayla, everyone makes mistakes. You didn't realize, so what? Do you know how many times you made me happy?"

I must've really hurt her, cause usually when I say something like that she doesn't agree. She tells me over and over that I didn't hurt her, but now she didn't. She just tells me that I make her happy, too, sometimes. She didn't tell me that I didn't hurt her. That means that I really did.
I screwed up. Big time.

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Next update: Thursday

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