Destroy Everything

❻

(Rickys POV)

I awoke to the sound of birds outside my window and the sun in my eyes. Did I forget to close the blinds last night? I couldn't remember. I squinted and rolled over to face away from the blinding light. I was so tired. I barely got any sleep. My right arm pulsed from pain of the night before. It was always hard to sleep about doing those things, getting comfortable was a pain in the ass.

Reaching for my side table, i felt around for my phone. Almost pushing it off the edge on to the floor I grabbed it tightly and brought it to my face. I turned it on and saw many messages from Chris. This was nothing new. He was always sending me ideas about songs and even songs themselves. I scrolled until i saw a message form Mikey.

'Subconsciously drew this, hope it's not too terrible lol'

I opened the message to see a drawing of me. A smile spread across my face and I felt my heart grow warm in my chest. No one had ever drawn me before.

'Whoa! This is amazing!'

I replied.

Turning off my phone I placed it on my bed as I sat up. I looked down at my arm that were fresh from last nights incident. I wish I could stop. It's become a painful habit that couldn't be broken at this point.

I pushed my hair out of my face and rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. Letting out a yawn I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I stumbled, my vision going dark and then coming back blurry.

"Fuck." I mumbled placing a hand on my forehead as I felt the blood rush back to my head. Once I got my footing I headed into my bathroom to get ready for school. I wasn't thrilled for it. I never was. It was such a pain having to go to a place where most people hated me. It doesn't matter because I couldn't give a shit about any of them.

I turned on the shower, letting it run so it could warm up. Taking off my shirt I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink. I poked at my rib cage. I was skinny, I have always been. Just lost a bit more weight ever since I got sad, that's it. That's all it was. Just depression weight loss. I hoped that my apatite would return soon, but it's been quite some time now.

Striping myself of the rest of my clothes I jumped into the shower, sighing as the hot water hit by skin. The pleasure soon turned into pain once my wounds got a taste. I winced in pain, closing my eyes tightly. I stood, waiting for the pain to subside before cleaning myself up for the day.

-

I grabbed my backpack and made my way downstairs. My hair still slightly wet. I use to blow dry it but it since got really tedious and I couldn't be bothered. I was wearing the same black skinny jeans like always, a black HIM hoodie, a plain black tee underneath. My makeup was heavy black eye shadow like every other day, black lipstick as well. People liked to call me a raccoon for it. Trash rat. Those types of names. So stupid. I sighed at the thought. I reached into my hoodie pocket feeling the pack of smokes that I planned on sneaking into school today. It's been awhile since I last smoked, but it always made me feel less nervous.

Taking my hands out of my front pocket I headed into the kitchen. It was quiet. The house was always quiet, I didn't think anyone was home but myself. I tried not to let the loneliness sneak up on me and I opened up the fridge. I need to buy more food. There was basically nothing left. Sighing another sigh I closed the fridge and decided to go without breakfast once again. I opened up a cupboard over top of the sink and pulled out some money from my families 'cash stash.' It was mostly used for alcohol but I needed lunch and there was nothing here for me to take. I put the small amount of cash into my back pocket.

Making my way to the door, i slipped on my sneakers, throwing my backpack over one shoulders and left the house. I reached into my other back pocket and pulled out my mp3 player with earbuds already plugged in. I put them in my ears and started playing music full blast. This was the best part of my morning. I began to walk towards where Chris lives. We always walk to school together and talk about either music or video games, but it was mostly always music. I smiled a little to myself thinking about what types of conversations we would have today.

I walked down Chris's street, hands in my hoodie pocket. I got three houses from Chris's and I could see him standing at this door with someone. I tilted my head slightly as i continued to walk closer. Chris saw me and waved. I took out one of my earbuds and smiled.

The person standing in front of Chris turned around. It was Mikey. I felt myself get a little embarrassed. I tucked my hand back into my pocket to feel more secure.

"A-are you walking with us?" I ask Mikey as i stopped in front of the two of them.

Mikey gave me a smile and nodded, "Chris texted me this morning asking if I wanted to." She seemed to be cheery this morning. I kind of wish that I could be that happy in the mornings.

"Is that okay?" She asked, her smile fading looking like she felt unwanted. She must have noticed that I was slightly uncomfortable. Not because I didn't want her to walk with us, I thought it was a great thing. I wasn't too sure why i felt this way.

I quickly shook my head, "Y-yeah of course." I gave her a small smile.

Mikey's face lit up once again.

"Stop flirting you two, lets get going.' Chris chuckled, leading the way.

"We weren't flirting!" Mikey exclaimed, getting flustered as she followed behind him.

My face heated up. I didn't say anything, I just followed behind.

* Unedited, so sorry for any mistakes! *