Stuck Between the Pages

A Universal Truth

Chapter One, Four Years Later:

It is a truth universally known that studying for a test that morning while eating breakfast can only make you more stressed, especially when your mother is standing over you and you know that you’re future college career depends on your grades.

“Mom,” I said, spooning up some Cheerios and looking down at my geometry notes at the same time. “Staring over my shoulder is kind of stressing me out.”

“What? Oh, sorry,” she said and went back to the kitchen counter; still throwing glances my way every now and then as she finished making her own breakfast.

She sat down across from me.

I kind of felt guilty because I thought that maybe I hadn’t studied enough. Even though I hadn’t stopped studying since last Tuesday. But, something about math just never clicked in my brain. If only I could borrow part of my best friend Viola’s brain for the test. She loved math. “It’s precise,” she had told me. “All you have to do is follow the steps.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Today’s test could be the deciding factor as to whether I made an A in the class or a B. It had been drilled into my head that my grades were the most important thing in the world if I wanted to get into a good college. Then, of course, there was the volunteer work, the clubs I joined, and the scholarships I had entered all before I turned seventeen. But, all of that meant nothing if my grades weren’t above par.

“You’ll do fine,” Mom said trying to sound assuring while reaching across and patting my hand.

I knew, even if she didn’t say it, that we were pressed for money and my grades were high priority. Ever since my father had left we had been struggling. Of course there was the child support money, but that didn’t quite get the whole job done.

If I didn’t receive any financial aid then there would be no college. My dad had told me countless times that he would pay and a part of me thought, Why not? Make him pay some obscene amount of money. It was the least he could do for running out on my mom and me. But, then there was the stubborn part of my brain that didn’t want to accept any of his money no matter how much I might need it. Which was much of what he had bought over the past three years – an iPhone, fancy headphones, a television – were shoved into my tiny closet.

Over the past week he had been calling, but I had refused to answer or return his calls. His messages simply said that he and step-evil, Hannah, had exciting news. My mom told me I should call him, but I told her I needed to study for my test. Talking to Dad would be a distraction.

I just didn't want to hear anything he had to say. Not when he was with her. To me he was the reason for all my worries. I was still mandated to spend some time with him during the summer and winter breaks, but that didn't mean I had to talk to him in between.

 And as if money wasn’t a big enough worry, I also had the SAT subject tests to think about. Although, I was still a year away from graduating it didn't hurt to be as ready as possible. Especially if I wanted to apply for early decision at any of my choice schools.

I closed my notes and finished my cereal without any reminder that a test lurked in my future. I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down before I had another attack. To keep the panic attacks at bay, I tricked myself into forgetting about everything that was freaking me out and just pretend to relax until I actually felt relaxed.

“Good luck,” Mom said to me while I dropped my bowl into the sink. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in tight for just a moment.

I hugged her back tight, wishing for a moment that I was young again and my biggest worry was if Barney would be on.

Then, it was time to face the music. I picked up my notebook and stuffed it into my backpack. My mom must have noticed me teeter a little at the weight of my bag.