"Resolve to be Thyself; and know that he who finds himself loses his misery" - Matthew Arnold
After leaving my session with Doctor Keller, I started feeling really weird. She kept telling me how meeting all these people, could be really good for me, and honestly that really scares me. People have expectations, and having expectations leads to being disappointed. What if they all have this 'idea' of who I am and it turns out I'm the complete opposite, won't that just disappoint them? Or what if I start creating ideas of who I think they are and they're not, that would just lead to me being disappointed AGAIN. Getting to know people is really complicated and honestly, it's extremely exhausting. This is all so frustrating. They do seem like really lovely people, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking what if they have ulterior motives? What if they end up hurting me? Or worse, what if they end up leaving me, like everyone eventually does? I can't help all these thoughts, and it's making me really anxious.
"Oh Sarai! Thank goodness you're here! I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but I have to rush over to Alex' school, apparently he got into some fight and I've been called in. Could you please take care of the Café while I'm out? I know it's a lot to ask but I trust you and I know you'll be able to manage" my boss says as I walk into the little Café I work at. At first I am so confused and I don't really register what she's saying. Soon after she's already out the door it dawns on me that she has left me in charge.
I don't really like one on one encounters with people. Yes, I do realize that my job kind of expects that of me but I have to earn a living somehow. And Kate and her son have been really good to me since I came in asking for a job about two years ago. She's never asked me to take charge while she's out before and I am really terrified. What if I end up messing up orders or logging the wrong information on the computer. Oh gosh, what if a robber comes in and demands I give him all the cash from the cash register. What if he has a gun? I start to panic.
"Ah, so you do work here!"
At first I go into full on panic mode, but then it registers that I do know that voice and somehow I manage to calm down. Keeping my expression emotionless, I turn to face none other than Caleb himself. I am then met with an annoyingly attractive smirk on his flawless face and immediately roll my eyes at him. How is it even possible to be this good looking? Some people are just truly blessed in the looks department.
"Can I help you?" I say in a monotone voice, taking out my notepad and pen from my apron. "I knew I recognized you from somewhere!" Caleb responds energetically, barely even considering the fact that the whole café can hear him. "Shh, could you be any louder!" I scowl at him. He then stretches his mouth into a literal grin. Which honestly is really annoying. It has to be a crime to be this happy and chirpy all the damn time. Ugh, happy people annoy me.
"what? Don't like people looking at you? Scared of attention?" he jokes and actually laughs. For some reason his comment rips at a part of me, and I look down at the floor instead, not wanting him to see that his words actually do hold meaning. "do you want to order something or not? Because I would really like to get back to my other customers." I state coldly to him. He stares at me, as if searching for a sign of me joking around. He blinks rapidly then looks down at the menu which is pasted down on the counter which separates him from me. "I'll have a coffee and two donuts, please." he says in a low tone "chocolate or caramel?" I ask, referring to the donuts. "um, one of each." I nod at his response and go about making his coffee, once I'm done I get two donuts and place them on a white ceramic plate, then place his order in front of him "enjoy, and shout if you need anything." I say and walk off to assist a couple that just came in and are now sat at one of the many tables.
After about an hour or so I notice another guy walking in and taking a seat next to Caleb. They fist pump and do that weird half hug that guys normally do. I make my way over to them and ask to take the other guy's order and I ask Caleb if he'd like anything else. I find it really weird though, Caleb had spoken like he comes here often, and to tell the truth I have never seen him in here before today. Brushing that off, I tend to my customers and thank the heavens that it wasn't a chaotic day, and that it went rather smoothly.
Another hour passes and Kate and Alex finally arrive. He has a sour expression plastered on his face, while his mom sports her usual cheery energy. "Ah, Sarai! I see you've managed to keep things running smoothly. I am so grateful for all of your hard work, I don't know what I would do without you!" she huffs out, and offers me a gorgeous smile. Kate is honestly breathtakingly beautiful, it actually intimidates me a whole lot. But she is such a strong and independent woman it inspires me.
"you're more than welcome, Kate. If anything, I should be thanking you, for trusting me and everything else you have done and still continue to do for me" I say gratefully.
Walking past Caleb, him obviously hearing the whole exchange with Kate, I walk over to Alex who is now sat on a chair behind the counter, scowl still etched on his face. "What's up lil man?" I ruffle his hair, he looks up at me and I then notice that he has been crying. Let me just make it clear that, this kid right here, holds my heart! From the first day I met him, he has been nothing but an absolute angel. He is well-mannered and has so much respect for everyone. Suddenly he grabs onto my leg and starts sobbing. I slowly pull him off, so that I can see his face and kneel down in front of him. "hey, hey now. Why the crocodile tears?" I ask him in a soft tone. "c'mon, tell me what's got you so upset?" I then decide to lift him up, taking a seat he was sitting on and place him on my lap. He turns his head to bury it in my sweater and continues to cry. Kate then walks out from the back office and sees us, she offers me a weak smile then sighs as she walks over to a customer that just entered. " well you can sit here and cry it all out. But once you're done you owe me an explanation as to why you're so upset." I say to him as he continues to cry. Waiting for him to calm down, I look up to find Caleb watching us with an odd look on his face. His friend who was busy with something on his phone, looks up at Caleb, then down at me and smirks. Caleb doesn't falter and surprisingly, neither do I.
"S?" I hear Alex call me. "yes, lil man?" I look down at him, to find his red face looking up at me. "I think I'm ready to talk about it now." he says, wiping at stray tears on his cheeks. "Alright, I'm all ears." I smile at him, as he shifts to make himself more comfortable on my lap. "Remember when I told you about the boy at my school that keeps pushing me around and you asked me if I wanted you to go and teach him a lesson and I said no?'' . "Yeah, I remember." I say to him, trying to read his expression. " have you finally changed your mind? Do I need to go and teach this kid a lesson?" I ask and his eyes widen. " no! I mean yes, he needs to be taught a lesson but I don't want you to do it." he says in a hurry and I stifle a laugh.
"Alright, so what's the issue then?" "Normally, he will just like shove me around or purposely drop my books and stuff. At times he even takes my lunch, you know things all bullies do." I nod my head and wait patiently for him to continue. "But today he didn't do all those things to me. Today he said things to me. " I frown at this as he looks down at his hands in this lap. "he said I'm nothing but a sad loser with no father." I intake a sharp breath , and in a instant I am taken over by anger and sadness. Sadness for Alex and Kate. And anger towards the kid that said such an awful thing to Alex. " and I don't know why, but I punched him." Alex says, under his breath but I heard him. "you what?" I ask, momentarily shocked. I mean, I'm proud of him, it's exactly what I would have done. " I just got so angry, S. But then another boy went and told a teacher , which is why they called mom in." he says as if being embarrassed. " well, firstly as much as I am proud of you for punching him, the kid did deserve it, but I also know that what you did was wrong" He nods his head in understanding. "I know, I feel so bad. And mom looked at me like she was so disappointed in me. I think she's mad at me, S." "I doubt that, Alex." I say to him and he looks up at me with hopeful eyes.
"I think your mom is just sad for you. What that kid said to you wasn't very nice. I think she's hurting for your part. Do you think maybe this bully is hurting in some way? Maybe he wants attention and affection. Something must have happened to him for him to act out this way." I say, thinking deeply. I mean we all know that bullies don't have easy lives and use other kids as punching bags to deal with there pain. " I think so. He just always seems sad." Alex tells me, frowning. Then his eyes light up and he bounces on my lap in excitement. " I know! Maybe I could try to be his friend. Maybe his just lonely and doesn't know how to make any friends. I could apologize to him tomorrow and ask if he'd like to be friends. Then he won't have to be so sad and lonely anymore." he rushes out to say and honestly I can't help but feel proud of him. Even after being bullied he still looks for the good in people. Kids are so pure and innocent. I wish he never has to grow up and experience the bad that this world has.
"you could even take him some of these delicious donuts that your mom has" Caleb chimes in, and I look up at him and frown. But Alex likes the sound of that. "you're right!" " what do you think , S?" he asks me, eyes twinkling. I smile at him, pulling him in for a hug. " I think that is a wonderful idea! Why don't you go and tell your mom about your plan and you can also apologize to her for today's events." he nods, then leaves a sloppy kiss in my cheek and whispers he loves me in my ear before hopping off my lap and running over to Kate. Before he reaches her he turns around to look at Caleb " thank you Mister! I really hope he likes the donuts as much as I do!" he says then runs to Kate. I can't help but laugh. " that was really awesome, how you handled the situation." Caleb says to me , and I try to hide the blush that starts to form in my cheeks. " it was nothing, his an amazing kid." I tell him as, I watch Alex tell Kate his grand plan to become friends with his bully. She smiles over at me gratefully. "it's clear to see that the kid absolutely adores you. His so smitten by you." Caleb says as he stands up to leave ,his friend already out the door. " what can I say, he holds my heart. One might even say his the love of my life." I say, jokingly. Caleb stares at me , while handing me a few cash notes to pay for his orders. While cashing it in I don't miss his iconic smirk as he says " well, looks like I might have some competition. Tell the kid there's two of us competing for that heart of yours now ,Princess." and then he was gone.
Okay, firstly what the hell just happened? Also, is this guy for real? What you should probably know is that I have never had a guy be that direct with me. I do understand the concept of flirting, don't get me wrong, but to have an attractive man like Caleb be that straight forward has left me rather baffled. I'm highly awkward and rather weird, so I never know how to respond when receiving compliments from people. I'm glad he didn't wait for a response, now that would have been really embarrassing.
