like honey but poisoned

don't get in my way

Author's Note: In this chapter suicidal behaviour is being mentioned, if that triggers you, don't read! Take care! 💕

Marie's POV

"Lissa, don't. I'm not in the mood," I said and pushed her away.
The hurt in her water blue eyes made me ache too.
"Can you please just go away and leave me alone?" My voice sounded so awfully desperate, I disliked it.
She only shook her head.
"But why? I have nothing left to give you, don't you get it?!"
She took my hand and pressed it.
"What makes you think I'd want you to give me anything?"
I pulled my hand away.
"Because you already do, if you're being honest to yourself."
"No, I don't," she said quietly, a bit childlike, not wanting to come to terms with reality.
"You deserve someone who returns your love just as much or even more."
She gripped my shirt with trembling fingers.
"But you do love me, don't you?!" She asked with tears forming in her eyes.
I sighed, this was the hardest part. I would have to lie to her to make things easier for her.
"Not anymore."
"What? No! I don't believe you! Why would you say that?" Her voice broke at the end.
"Because it's the truth," I replied, trying hard to suppress any emotion.
She stumbled back, as if my words had burnt her.
Lissa leaned against the door, breathing heavily she shook her head again, but then she fumbled for the door handle, almost falling as the door opened abruptly, still shaking her head she slowly retreated and then turned around running down the hallway.
After she had left, I felt some sort of emptiness in my chest, that hurt more than anything. I had thought of it as impossible to feel even worse, but I had been wrong and I craved to not feel at all.
Unsure of what to do with myself, I started to play chess against myself, but I mostly found myself looking out the window, staring at nothing in particular.

A few hours later, someone knocked on my door, but I didn't react, 'though that didn't keep Vanessa from entering, of course.
"Hello, mon cœur, how are you feeling?"
I didn't answer, but continued to watch her. She had a plate full of cookies in her hands.
"Not so good, I see."
She sat down beside me.
"Lissa and I made some cookies together, I thought maybe you'd like some."
"Vanessa, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, honey, go ahead."
"Is it true that mom killed the brother of the Crimson Queen?"
Vanessa frowned. "Who told you that?"
"The Crimson Queen herself. But is it true?"
I could clearly see that she was reluctant to answer, which was an answer in itself already.
"Do you really want to know that?"
"I wouldn't ask if I didn't."
She sighed. "Yes. Yes, it is true, Natasha told me about it."
"What happened exactly?"
Vanessa diverted her gaze and stared out the window.
"When your mom was your age, she," Vanessa stopped to take a deep breath. "She developed some sort of feelings towards the Crimson Queen, oh dear, how do I word it."
I looked at her with confusion.
"I know, they were friends."
Vanessa shook her head. "No, honey, they weren't just friends."
My eyes grew wide at the realization of what Vanessa's words meant.
"Are you implying that-"
"Yes, exactly that." She sighed again.
"But there's no way! Mom loved dad!"
Vanessa raked a hand through her brown curls. "She did love your dad. Of course she did, but more like a friend, you know."
I stared at her bewildered.
"But...but how could mom love a monster?"
Vanessa swallowed before continuing.
"You know Marie, sometimes experiences can change a person so much, that you don't recognize them anymore."
"So, you're saying the Crimson Queen wasn't always that cruel?" I asked.
"Exactly. There used to be a time, when she was a nice person actually. When your mom and I were about your age, we used to spend a lot of time with Kathleen. Me seeing her merely as a friend and your mom.....well, your mom saw her as more than just that."
I found myself grabbing a cookie and starting to eat it, not because I felt like it, but to calm myself down somehow.
"And then? What happened then?" I pressed on.
"Well, one summer evening things escalated. She and Kathleen secretly met in the woods. But Kathleen's brother had gotten suspicious over the time, so he followed them. You must know that her brother was strictly catholic, any kind of homosexual behaviour he viewed as sin. So when he witnessed them kissing, he was more than enraged. He hit Kathleen and threatened to tell everyone about their relationship, which led to your mother losing her temper and they ended up fighting. At some point, your mother shoved him away and he fell, hitting his head on a stone. He was dead immediately, but it was an accident. Natasha didn't mean to kill him."
A single tear ran down Vanessa's cheek and I handed her a handkerchief.
"What happened next?"
"I don't mean to excuse her behaviour, but she was a teenager just like you back then, full of insecurities and doubts and with too much pressure on herself. You see, our parents weren't kind and loving, but strict and obsessed with the idea of having perfect children. On me this kind of upbringing had the effect, that I did become their perfect daughter, scared to make mistakes, but not on Natasha. She was quite the troublemaker, a rebel just like you, trying to get on their nerves whenever possible." A small smile formed on Vanessa's face and she ruffled my hair. But her features became serious again.
"Anyways after she had accidentally killed Kathleen's brother, she was desperate and didn't know what to do. Kathleen then offered her to just run away together, but your mother was too scared. Too scared to admit her true feelings and too scared to stand up against our parents' will. So she blamed it all on Kathleen."
I stared at her in shock. At first I had been relieved to learn that it had been an accident, but now I felt repulsed at what my mother had done afterwards.
"I know this is a big shock and what she did wasn't right, but she regretted it ever since. Sometimes she would call me in the middle of the night, crying, because she struggled to live with the guilt."
"You're right, what she did wasn't right," I whispered, staring into space.
"I'm sorry. What happened, can only be described as tragedy."
She lightly carressed my hair.
"Is there something I can do for you right now?" She asked with concern.
I shook my head. "No, I think I just need some time to myself."
She got up and looked at me for a moment.
"Alright, but if you need something, you know I'm here."
I just nodded and waited for her to leave my room.

Once she had left, I collapsed onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. My feelings were all over the place, if only I could get the pictures out of my head, that I kept seeing on repeat, that made me relive everything all over again. If only I could stop feeling.

In a trance-like state I went to the bathroom, looking through the cupboards, until I found what I had been looking for - a small package of sleeping pills. But as I opened them, there was only one left. I took a closer look at the package and noticed tiny messy handwriting on it.
It read "to prevent you from doing anything stupid".
"Damnit, Lissa," I cursed and ran a hand through my hair.

After debating what to do next, I walked down the hallway, until I found a servant.
"Where is Malice?"
The small elderly woman paled and gave me a disturbed look, which confused me.
"Did you hear me? I asked where Malice is!"
The woman nodded. "Follow me," was all she said and I got even more confused.
She led me down to the dungeons and I wondered what had happened that made Malice end up here.
We reached a small cell and as I saw Malice, I felt close to tears.

"Malice!" I exclaimed and she looked up, greeting me with a smile.
"Marie," she said. "How nice of you to visit me here."
I gripped the prison bars, trying to get a closer look at her, she seemed to be unharmed.
"Malice, what happened? How did you end up here?"
Her smile became sad, as she answered.
"Oh, well, Lissa seems to think that I've been working together with the Queen of Crimson."
I was shocked at her answer.
"She - what?! How could she possibly think that?"
"I don't know, my dear, but I don't judge her. Everything that has happened seems to have made her a bit suspicious."
I raked a hand through my hair.
"But that's no excuse, I mean, she knows you, she knows you'd never work for the enemy."
"Marie, you know me way longer than Lissa. Don't blame her, she only wants to protect everyone."
"But she's making a huge mistake!" By now I was enraged, how could Lissa have such poor judgement and act so impulsively, without thinking of the consequences?!
"Marie, you and I know the truth. For now, that must be enough," she spoke and I could hear her sadness.
"No, I'll go and talk to her," I replied, gripping the prison bars so tightly, that my knuckles turned white.

I had a feeling on where to find Lissa and with every step I took, I could feel my anger grow.
She was sitting on the front porch, reading a book, while eating an apple. At any other given time, I would've been confused about the unusual sight, but not right now.
"You," I said sternly. "Look at me."
"Wow, what an unusual favour for you to ask of me," she said smiling, but didn't look up from the book. Obviously she misinterpreted the situation, so I snatched the book from her hand- it was "Alice in Wonderland" - which made me frown for a moment, but I let the book fall to the ground.
"What the hell has gotten into you? Have you turned completely insane?!" I yelled at her.
"What-what's going on, I don't understand-"
"Oh you don't understand, well, let me help you then!"
I took a hold of the collar of her dress and yanked on it violently, making her stand up.
"What's your problem?" She asked me, obviously anxious.
"You - you are my goddamn problem! How could you do that to Malice! How could you lock her in the dungeons without a second thought?!"
As she didn't answer I gripped the collar of her dress tighter, which made her struggle to breathe a bit.
"How?!" I screamed.
"It was...."
"Yes? I'm listening!"
"It was to protect you," she whispered and I let go of her, which made her stumble back and fall to the ground.
"To protect me? Do you even listen to what you just said?! That's insane! Malice would never do anything to me!"
I turned around and ran a hand through my hair, before looking at her again.
"Who are you?" I mumbled quietly.
"What?" She gave me a confused look.
"Ever since you killed your mother, it seems we both changed. You're so brave and impulsive suddenly.....do we even know each other at all?"
As if my words had been some kind of wake up call to her, she rose to her feet again and stared deeply into my eyes.
"What if we didn't change?" She spoke tenderly. "What if we're simply unfolding our true selves?"
I was left speechless for a moment.
"Either way, I don't think I can get along with you like that."
She crossed her arms and looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"Good, because I think I can't stand you like this either!" She said defiantly.
"Good," I spoke, wanting to have the last word. "Just don't get in my way then!" I hissed.
"Fine!" She hissed back, picking up the book and bumping into me on purpose, before heading back inside.