This is my life

37:) Guilt.

It's been a week of school and I'm worn out as ever. I've been straining my brain to process and digest information from all the lectures and practical lessons. As much as I would like to skip a day of class, I could not.

Roxy is my perfect definition of a best friend, she's so witty all the time but during class she's a whole new person whom I barely recognise. She's so loud and fun to socialise with, but when professor Bailey starts her morning lecture she's always focused with eyes like a hawk.

Joey has been coming consecutively during my lunch time. Everyday is a different type of meal and she nailed it every time. I've introduced both Roxy and Joey to one another, they clicked instantly and that was one good thing about Roxy. She hates awkward situations, she always tries to avoid it.

Five more minutes till class dismiss and I cannot wait to scamper out of my seat and through the door of this thick walls. I was resting my cheek on my palm, staring at the ceiling lights not paying any attention to what professor Bailey has to say.

A nudge then brought me back to my conscious state of mind. "Shanae Watson? Please come to the front and meet me right now," Professor Bailey called me in a questioning tone.

"Oh shit," I whispered to myself.

"Good luck, next time atleast try to pretend that you're paying attention in class," Roxy scoffed as she walked away with a thumbs up.

I lift my books from my table and hugged it to my chest. Without further ado, I walked as quickly as possible down to where professor was.

"You're Shanae Rae Watson?" She examined me.

"Yes ma'am," I replied.

"'Here's a letter from CAHS. Congratulations, from a student like you who cannot even pay a single attention from my lecture. I advise you to not stare in mid-air once you go to Canada, it's a great opportunity. You're very lucky Watson," She announced.

"Thanks Professor," I squealed in excitement.

I was over the moon as I skipped my way out of the lecture hall. I can't believe my eyes, I wanted to puke from the excitement that was racing in my stomach. I went out and saw both Joey and Roxy chatting with each other so I ran towards them and gave them a big group hug.

"What in the world-" In full speed I raised my left hand and covered Roxy's mouth. I then read the first few lines of my acceptance letter.

"Dear Shanae Rae Watson, Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Canadian Academy of Health and Sciences," I read, smiling throughout.

"Oh my gosh! Congrats!" she squealed.

"I know! Thanks," as we both fold into a hug. I then turned to look at Joey, instead of a gleeful expression her face showed sadness instead.

Roxy congratulate me once again before leaving the car, we promised each other to stay in contact till we graduate with a diploma. I can't believe, I'm leaving the greatest friend I couldn't have ask more.

The car was now filled with silence and it's awkward silence. I guess none of us have anything good to say.

During dinner, I announced my acceptance to CAHS. Mom, Tyler and Warrent was super proud of me. Only Joey was sitting quietly on her seat putting a fake smile every once in a while. I couldn't stay any longer as the term had already started and my admission wasn't an easy process. By next week I have to fly off and I'm super excited.

After dinner, we all had to do our roles in cleaning up, and as much as I hate to say it i'm gonna miss this so much. Soon after, me and Tyler were supposed to watch a movie but instead Joey dragged me out through the back door.

"You're leaving?"

"I have to, it's a great opportunity and i'm not going to waste it," I justified.

"Do you love me?" She asked out of the blue.

"I--I--," I stuttered not knowing what to say.

She then pulled me closer and held both sides of my face as she forced me into an non-consensual kiss. I instantly grabbed both of her arms and push her away from me. I stared at her with hatred in my eyes, I wiped off the kiss that she pulled me into.

"What's wrong with you?" I shouted.

"I'm sorry, i'm so so sorry," She cried as she covered her face.

Guilt washed over me, how can I not notice how broken she is. I walked a few steps ahead and embrace her into my arms.

"It's okay," I whispered.

"It's getting late, lets go to bed," I added.