[EN] Unexpected Eletricity (an Apex Story)

Chapter 12

Disclaimer : there will be a few chapters that are very dark like this one, and I just want to say that sometimes life is very difficult and we feel hopeless, but there is always light after darkness. Sorry if I will depress you a bit with this chapter; I just felt it was necessary in the context of that story because it's the vision I have of these two characters even in the game (I think they are kinda tourmented, especially Octane). A lot of teens are reading me, so I thought it was necessary to write this little message.

Also, I want to repeat that this story contains some: drug used, death wish, sexuality and violence. It's the last time I say it because I don't want to put disclaimer on top of each sensible chapters (that would spoiled them a bit), so if you are sensitive about these topics, maybe it's not the right story for you! I do think I speak about these topics responsibly tho.

Good reading and take care of you. :)

***

Note : play the song (1) above. Octavio is listening to this.

Witt offered to accompany him to his bar tonight. I guess he took pity on me because I was like a zombie these days. A fucking depressed zombie, moreover. Music in my ears (1), I am watching with a disinterested look the buildings of the city go by through the window of the tram. The lyrics of the song I am listening to go through me like knives. Why listen to a song that could possibly make you smile again, when you can listen to one that reminds you how much you hate yourself?

At the bar, the evening went on normally until I was seized with shakiness and dizziness. The loud music echoes in my ears, and I almost thought I would pass out. I find refuge in the restroom and hold my head in my hands before hiding in one of the cubicles. I feel the need for drugs getting more and more urgent. No, please, not now... I don't want to...

I stare at the ceiling while tapping my feet nervously against the floor. It has been almost two weeks since me and Natalie have not talked to each other. I quickly noticed that she was avoiding me and that her attitude towards me had changed. I tried to find out if her behavior had anything to do with the kiss we shared that night, or if it was something I did that would have made her feel rushed. In response, she only told me it was for the best if we took our distance. That it was a mistake and that we should not be spending time together anymore. At that moment, my heart instantly turns into ashes.

Since that day, she pretends to do not see or hear me anymore. I am used to disappointing people around me. I even believe that I am an expert in that field. It is the first time it hurts so much, though. Natalie probably realized that I am just an uninteresting junkie that would only make her life difficult. How can I blame her?

She is spending more and more time with this hacker who joined the team the week before and who does not smile to anyone but her. She seems to like him too. I guess he provides her more intellectual conversations than I can offer. I also guess that she is happier now that I am away from her. However, when I discreetly lay my gaze on her, she always seems to have a melancholy look or a smile that seems so artificial to me. I know how her real one looks like, having the chance to saw her smile several times before. I hold on to the memories of her smiles that were meant for me... They are the last thing I have left of her.