Time skip, 3 days later
Levi's POV
I was pacing around Erwin's office, waiting for him to be finished reading the letter he received. Hange and Mike were sitting in chairs in front of Erwin's desk.
We've been waiting for a few days now for permission to send out a search party for (y/n). The higher ups have been taking their sweet ass time, and the longer we leave (y/n) out there, the slimmer her chances for survival get.
Maybe that's what they want, there are a lot of people in the capital who would probably be relieved to hear of (y/n)'s death. Any possible condemning memories she possesses dying with her.
Erwin puts down the letter and sighs as he rubs the bridge of his nose. "Well?" Hange prompted him nervously.
"They said they will not authorize a search party for (y/n). Even if she is a valuable and talented solider, it's too risky to send us out to save her." Erwin explained angrily, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Well, they're not wrong, Erwin," Hange said carefully, "We don't even know for sure if she is even alive."
I slam my hand down on Erwin's desk, startling all 3 of them, "That's bullshit," I growl at her, "If anyone can survive in the worst of circumstances, it's (y/n). She's alive, and I'm going to get her no matter what those assholes say."
"Levi, I understand your frustration," Hange says, not backing down, "But the scouts can't afford to lose you and Erwin. You're humanities strongest solider, and Erwin, you're the best Commander the Survey Corps has ever had. We can't risk losing either one of you."
I knew she was right, of course she had a point. But in this moment, it doesn't matter to me. I refuse to believe she is dead, and one way or another she will be back.
"They can't go, but I can," I hear Mike speak up for the first time, "If she's still alive in that forest, I can sniff her out."
"How will you exit the walls?" Hange asks him, "The Garrison has been given orders to watch the gates at all times, how will you and a horse get out?"
"They must really not want (y/n) to come back if they are cracking down on the garrison like this," Mike says thoughtfully, "I guess it would be best for them, lest she come back and speak out against the capital. Even if her memories are lost, there is still that possibility she could remember lingering in the back of their minds, I'm sure."
"I'll talk to Pixis," Erwin said, "Maybe I can convince him to let out a small search party for (y/n)."
"How are you going to do that?" Hange asked him curiously, "He's in the capital at the moment. And you can't go to the capital without them hounding you about custody over Eren."
"I'll figure something out," He answered simply, "Mike, if you can, gather up a few other scouts to go with you. Volunteer only though, don't coerce anyone."
Mike nods and gets up from his seat and heads towards the door, "I'll go with you too, I can't stand not seeing her pretty little face here." Hange sighed as she followed Mike out of Erwin's office.
Erwin and I were the only ones left in his office now. "Continue being on the lookout for anymore co-conspirators of the female titan," Erwin says to me as he stands up from his desk, "I will find out when Pixis is due back from the capital, and speak to him then. It can't be more than a couple days."
"You should know I have feelings for her too, Erwin," I say quietly, as he heads for the door, "I know you do too, but that won't stop me."
"No, I doubt it would stop you," He replies, hand hovering over the door handle, "I won't hold back either." With that he leaves his office.
I limp my way to the door next, "You better be alive, brat." I mumble to myself as I leave Erwin's office.
Time skip, 3 days later
Your POV
How long has it been? I've lost track of time, I'm so tired... So hungry... So thirsty. It has to have been almost a week by now.
I slept okay the first night I spent here, but I haven't been able to sleep since. The hunger and the worry of a titan attack keeps me up at night, I'm always on alert. I'll close my eyes for maybe an hour or so, but then I'm right back up and can't get back to sleep, brain refusing to rest.
I'm having trouble noticing the difference between delusions and reality. My sleep deprived, hungry and thirsty mind is playing tricks on me.
For example... I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating because Malcolm is dead, but there he is, sitting on the end of my bed... Watching me. He looks so real I feel like I can touch him. But I don't dare, I just sit and look at the floor, telling myself he isn't there.
"Come on, (y/n)," I jump when I hear him actually speak, then screech in pain as the sudden movement sends pain jolting up and down my broken leg, "I thought you'd be happy to see me."
"You're not real, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real," I keep mumbling to myself, trying to force my brain into reality. I guess it's safe to say, because of the isolation and my deteriorating health, that I'm becoming a little, 'loose around the edges' or 'unhinged'.
"What's on your mind, (y/n)? You look stressed." Mac says with a chuckle.
"Stressed? Of course not, I'm doing great! Everyone has visual and auditory hallucinations about their dead husbands, right?!" I respond, giving him a crazed look.
Sure, I've had memories pop up at bad times, or dreams where he shows up.. But I've never had full on hallucinations of him, or anyone for that matter...
"Maybe even tactile hallucinations," He grins at me as he holds out his hand for me to touch, but I ignore it.
"Don't worry, (y/n). I'm sure one of the many men you seduce will come and save you. Then you can ruin their lives, like you ruined mine." Mac laughs as he flashes me an evil smile that just looks wrong on his kind features.
"No they won't, because they're smart men." I say quietly.
"I find it interesting that you even entertain the idea of being with someone else. How dare you think of finding happiness," Mac continues, his features growing more and more menacing, almost so I can't even recognize him anymore.
"Stop it." I whisper and try to cover my ears.
"How many people have had to suffer for your curiosities? How many of them are dead or mutilated? You can't even remember, can you?" He continues.
"Shut up!" I try to scream, but my throat is too dry, so a squeak is the only thing that escapes my lips. I look up and he's gone.
I need water. I finished my limited supply of water a couple nights ago. I need to get up and find more.
I reach for the table legs that I cut off to use as canes to help me move along with my broken leg. I don't have anything long enough to fashion some crutches, but these will do. I haven't moved far from the cabin, but I'll have to try covering more ground.
I make my way over to the front door and open it slowly. "There she is!" I hear the unmistakably annoying voice of my father, "Going out to fail on another mission?"
I ignore him, it's just a hallucination or whatever, he's shown up before, just ignore it. "Ah, don't be like that (y/n)!" He continues, "I like the person you've become, you're a lot like your dear old dad now. We will use anybody to get what we want, no matter the cost."
